Cause It's Not Too Late
by FoxRoxB
Summary: After a year in London, a loophole in her contract forces Jude to head back home for a month to be a part of the World Instant Star Finale. Meanwhile in Toronto, surprise, surprise: Tommy is hiding a secret. Points for originality: zero; but the story is not too bad. And it's COMPLETED. Rated M for (some) language and subject matter.
1. Connected Evil Plotting Genius

**A/N:**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything, except Jake and Finn Bradfield (and I kind of like them both, so back off - hehe!). Everything else is the property of whoever owns Instant Star.

**General notes: **These will be a tad long, but they kind of cover the whole project.

Not sure if anyone out there is still interested in Instant Star fanfiction. I began writing this story for myself after re-watching the series recently, and then thought, "Hey! Why not share it in case anyone's interested." If you are interested and reading along, let me know!

I have a few chapters done, which I will be uploading now. I also have several chapters at different stages of progress. I do intend to complete this story but I have no timetable.

The title is inspired by lyrics from a Jeff Buckley song called "Lover, You Should've Come Over". I may use them later on in this story; still pondering on that. I will use other lyrics and will make sure to tag the name of the real artist when I do.

I'm pretty much respecting everything that happened over the four seasons of IS, with two notable exceptions: 1. Spiederman is still at G-Major. I love that character and I wanted to explore a working relationship between Tommy and him, so dude is stuck with Darius! And 2: Though Kwest and Sadie are still broken up, and Sadie had that fling with Darius, nothing serious came of it. So Sadie is not with Darius. Another thing I should point out is that so far, I have not written Jamie in. I might (still not sure). We shall see.

Last but not least: this is a Tommy/Jude story. Those crazy kids: they belong together!

Well, I think that's it. That wasn't too bad! Hope you like it!

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**Chapter One - Connected Evil Plotting Genius **

Jude pulls the curtain slightly back to peer outside and sighs. Another grey day. From her window on the third floor, she can spot the dry pavement. At least it's not raining. Yet. She misses the sun. It would be false to say that the sun never shined in London—it did—but the sunny days were fewer and far between. After a year in the city, what she misses the most, strangely perhaps, are the cold and crisp sunny winter days. Those days where it's so cold, it feels like your breath will solidify into the air and your nostrils will get stuck together forever. She misses other things too, but she is not about to reminisce on that this morning.

Turning back to the bed, she sees Jake sprawled on his stomach, clutching the pillow she just pushed in between his arms to get out of his grasp. She slips on a tank top and pyjama pants and tiptoes out of the bedroom. She aims straight for the kitchen where the sweet, sweet coffee lives. While it's brewing, she turns to her laptop and the e-mail she read quickly yesterday and pushed out of her mind when Jake arrived to pick her up. She double-clicks to open it, but then decides she needs a shower first.

Two minutes into her shower, Jake joins her with a smile.

"Hey."

"Hey, you," she replies.

He kisses her cheek and temple. She smiles back and proceeds to grab the shampoo bottle.

"Let me?" he asks.

"Sure."

He squirts some shampoo in his hand and starts massaging her head and hair. She closes her eyes and relaxes a little. When he's done lathering her hair, he gently rotates her so her back faces him, and then grabs the showerhead to rinse the shampoo out.

"Conditioner?"

"Yes, please."

As strange as it may seem, Jake loves to wash Jude's hair. And he does it so well that Jude no longer questions it like she did at first. She does not question anything as far as they are concerned. They are friends with a little benefit—friends who share a love for music, a good chemistry, and a broken heart. That's probably what sparked their friendship in the first place. A broken heart recognizes a fellow companion.

And things had been difficult for Jude the first few weeks here. Adjusting to a new city—London, no less: a teeming, buzzing and huge (humongous) place—alone. No friends, no family, no touch base; only a small flat, which could better be described as a loft with a closed bedroom. She had cried herself to sleep a few nights. She had called her sister Sadie a lot. Two weeks after Jude's departure, Sadie had phoned, said she would be in the next day. With her charm and quiet resolve, Sadie had managed to get a few days off from Darius before the beginning of the World Instant Star whirlwind. Jude had been so happy to see her sister and over the few days of her visit, she had realised just how far Sadie and she had come. They were no longer just sisters, but best friends. Sadie listened to her and understood her without judgement. Her sister had also made sure to tell her just how proud she was of her.

"I know that you feel like you are failing at this goal you set for yourself, Jude, but you just got here. It's totally OK for you to feel overwhelmed and to miss home. I should've come here with you in the first place, to help you settle down at least. I think that my being here for the transition would've helped. I'm sorry I didn't think of it," Sadie had said.

Jude had smiled. "It's OK, Sadie. You do have your own life to live, and I get that. I came here to learn to stand on my own. I couldn't ask you to put your life on hold again just for me."

Sadie had given her a crooked smile, head tilted to the side. "You know what Darius said when I asked for the time off?" Sadie had paused, staring straight into Jude's eyes, making sure she had her sister's full attention before speaking again. "He said 'Jude is a great woman.' " (Jude had smiled at hearing he had referred to her as a "woman") " 'She's a great musician and artist, and despite what she might think of me, I actually think she's a great human being. She's compassionate. She's smart. But one thing she is very bad at is asking for help. She will never ask you to come and help her through the transition, Sadie, so you are right to make the decision for her.' So that's what I did, Jude."

Sadie had taken another pause to let the words sink in before adding, "There's nothing wrong with asking for help, Jude. It doesn't make you weak. Actually, I think it makes you smart."

Jude smiles as Jakes moves on to washing his own hair.

"A smile: that's good. What are you thinking about?"

"Sadie."

"Really? Does that mean you're ready to deal with that e-mail?"

Grabbing the soap, Jude starts washing her body with a sigh. "Whether or not I am, I'll have to deal with it, right?"

"Right."

They finish their shower in silence. Jake steps out first, takes a towel and wraps Jude in it before getting a towel for himself. He looks at his reflection in the mirror and grunts, "Oy, do I ever need a shave."

Jude smiles and nods. "Unless you like the caveman look, which could work for you, I think," she laughs. "I've never seen a man grow a beard so fast. Must be some kind of record. Well, I'll leave you to it, then." She waves and leaves the bathroom to go get dressed in her room. She then sits on her bed and takes a long time brushing her hair, as if postponing the e-mail reading moment will somehow make it easier, or maybe even make it disappear. She sighs and pushes herself on her feet. _It's not that bad_, she tells herself, and truly, it isn't. It's not great, but she can survive this.

Armed with a mug of coffee, she sits down on the couch with her laptop and reads.

_Dear Jude,_

_How are things in jolly London? Well, I am back from the European tour of World Instant Star, and the Grand Finale is fast approaching. Darius, connected evil plotting genius that he is, managed to make a deal with your new label without my knowing it. I should've known he was planning something: he was being way too secretive about things I normally get paid to handle. I am sorry, Jude. I can't even give you a heads up: it's already a done deal. Which, by the way, makes me think that you need to have your contract looked at by a lawyer. I had a look at it and I am not happy with some of the provisions I saw. I'm furious that things are being taken out of your hands again; I can't even imagine how _you _must feel. _

_So, yes, you will be in the Grand Finale, which means you must come back to Toronto for a bit. Darius had your label agree to a month. I don't even know how he pulled that off. It's not like you need that much rehearsal. Like I said: Connected evil plotting genius. Ugh. Again: I am SO sorry. _

_On the plus side, I will be happy to see you. I have missed you so very much. It feels like we got apart just when we were getting to be so close. You know I do not have that many intimate friends, and selfishly, I'm glad I'll have you here with me for a few weeks._

_Well, looks like you'll be here in a couple weeks. Please call me when you can. And again, I'm sorry I couldn't do anything to prevent this. _

_I love you, Jude.  
Sadie xox_

Two weeks. She would be back in Toronto in two weeks. She sighs again just as Jake comes in with a coffee mug and a light smile.

"So, you have to go back, yes?"

"Apparently. Sadie said the label agreed to it."

"I reckon Nicola is in for a world of pain, uh?"

Jude shrugs. "Sadie pointed out that Darius just took advantage of some provisions of my contract. I'm mad at myself more than anything else, really. I was too emotional when I signed that contract."

Jake doesn't need to ask her why: he knows, though they never truly talked about it. The heartbreak is just there, lingering, kind of floating in the air around her. Always.

"So, when do you have to go?"

"In two weeks."

Though he knows what it means, he cannot help but say, "That means you will see him again."

Jude shrugs again, avoiding his eyes, making Jake even more aware that he is treading on difficult territory. "I don't know. I guess. I'm not sure what he is up to these days."

"Sadie hasn't told you?" he asks, surprised.

"I never asked. Sadie knows me well enough to not talk about him unless I bring him up."

Jake nods. "And you never do. I'm sorry, Jude. I really am. It blows that you have to return now and not on your own terms. But at least, you'll see Sadie, yes? And some of your friends: I'm sure you'll be glad to catch up with that lad who calls you _dude_ and the other _dudes_ he jams with."

Jude smiles and finally turns her head to look at him. "Thank you."

"What for?"

"For being a great friend."

Jake leans in and drops a kiss on her forehead. "Anytime, beautiful. Well, I have to go. You may not have any session booked today, but I have."

He grabs his bass bag and umbrella and heads for the door. However, just before turning the knob, he turns back to look at her.

"You know, even if it is a 'done deal' as Sadie says, and I believe her, I still think you need to give Nicola a piece of your mind. Not throw a tantrum, you understand: but make him realise that this is not all right. Sadie is correct about your contract. I'll be honest: I don't know what can be done, but it might be worth a shot to look into it."

Jude nods. "Thanks, Jake."

"Anytime. Catch you later." And with a wave, he's out the door.


	2. Phone Call and General Awkwardness

**One quick note: **The story is rated M, just in case. I might use some bad words (gasp!) here and there, and there might be some sexy situations (dun dun dun!) down the road. So the M is my safety net. Thanks!

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**Chapter Two - Phone Call and General Awkwardness**

"Jude?"

"Yeah. Hi. Oh, wait, you're probably at work now, right?"

"That's OK. I'd like to see Darius try and give me a hard time about talking to you right now."

Jude laughs. She envies that quiet strength her sister has. Though Sadie might look fragile, she is fierce deep inside. Quiet strength and quiet resolve.

"Are you OK, Jude?"

"It is what it is, but you're right about my contract. It's signed, so there might not be much I can do, but I'll meet with a lawyer at least."

"Before you come here?"

"Probably after. I think now I just have to deal with the unavoidable."

"Unfortunately, I think you're right."

There's a moment of silence. Jude is at a loss for words. She wants to ask, but she can't. Sadie wants to broach the subject, but can't bring herself to do it without Jude giving her the green light.

"So," Jude begins. "Does he know I'm coming?" She can't say his name. She doesn't even let herself _think_ of his name.

"He knows. Darius told him earlier today." Sadie feels like a weight is being lifted off her shoulders. This is the first time that they are talking about him. In a year.

"How did he take it?"

"He was a bit angry."

Jude bites her lower lip. "This is not going to be pleasant, uh?"

"No, no. Sorry, Jude. He was angry but not at you. He was angry at Darius for pulling that trick on you."

"Oh."

"Yes. Listen, I know I haven't told you anything about Tommy because you never wanted to talk about him, and I didn't want to push, but he understands. I'm not saying he wasn't hurt, but he understands."

"How is he?" Jude hears some movement, like her sister is walking with her mobile phone tucked against her ear.

"He's… OK, I guess. It's funny. We see each other almost every day here, but we don't talk much."

"He's avoiding you?"

"No, it's not that. We smile, we say hello, we ask 'how are you' and we wish each other a good day, but we don't have what you could call conversations."

"I see." Jude hears a muffled noise, like her sister stopped walking; like she got to wherever she was heading. "Sadie…?" she asks.

"This is totally up to you, but I'm standing in front of the door to Studio A. Tommy is here. I-I think you should speak to him, Jude."

"Sadie, I…"

"Listen to my point first, OK? And then, make the decision. I think it would be so much easier for the both of you if you at least speak once before seeing each other again. You haven't talked to him in a year. And now you're being forced to come back and face him. Wouldn't it be easier to break the ice over the phone first? Wouldn't that take at least some of the awkwardness out?"

Jude ponders on this for a moment. The moment turns into a few minutes.

"Jude?"

"You're right, Sadie, but… Can you check if _he_ wants to talk to me before shoving the phone into his hand?"

Sadie smiles. "Sure. Hang on." She puts the phone on hold, then knocks on the door, phone still in her hand.

"Come in." Removing his headphones, Tommy turns to the door and is surprised to see Sadie walking in. She rarely comes to the studios, much less a studio where he is currently working. When they bump into each other, it's usually at hospitality, by the reception desk or in Darius' office. They exchange quick pleasantries before they both go on with their busy day. However, one look at the expression on her face tells him instantly what this impromptu visit is all about.

_Jude._

He sighs but gives her a faint smile. "One guess as to what you're doing here?"

Sadie tilts her head to the side and smiles in return. Lifting the phone up, she says, "I have Jude on the phone. Maybe it would be better if you guys talked before she arrives?"

"I'm OK with her coming, Sadie. I'm not OK with the crap Darius pulled, but I'm OK with her coming."

"Well, maybe you could tell her that yourself? What do you think?"

Tommy looks down at his hands and sighs again. He understands what Sadie means, and in theory, it all makes sense. But when he got up this morning, the last thing he had expected was that this day would turn into a Jude-astic day, especially since he wasn't—isn't, really—exactly feeling well. Things were getting worse.

"OK. Give me the phone."

Sadie hands him her phone and stays frozen to the spot.

"Oh, and Sadie: get out," Tommy says, before adding a "Please" with a smile.

Sadie gives him a wry smile, but she gets out of the studio promptly, closing the door behind her.

Tommy holds the phone like it's a grenade about to detonate in his hand. The truth is: he's not angry at Jude. He never was. He was heartbroken when she left, but not angry. When her limo had turned the corner, he had gone back home, and that's where the reality had hit him. He had walked into his bedroom and flashbacks of the last night they had spent together in his bed had bombarded his brain. The softness of her skin, the passion in her kisses, the feeling that with her, it was always like the first time, accompanied by the knowledge that his heart wanted her to be the last; that his heart only wanted her, forever.

First instincts being what they are, he had been tempted, so tempted, to head straight to a bar, to numb the pain, to pick up the first faceless blonde to cross his path when he'd be drunk enough to blur her features and replace them with Jude's in his mind. But he had done that before, and it had led him nowhere, except to a world of guilt.

So automatically, like a robot on autopilot, he had packed a bag and walked out of his apartment. Going down to the garage, he had thrown his bag on the backseat and slid behind the wheel. He had hit number four on his speed dial and waited for Darius to answer.

"T?"

"I'm taking off, D. I don't know for how long."

He had expected resistance, an argument, a reminder of his "obligations", but Darius had simply said, "I get it, T. Call me when you get back."

Tommy had driven to the cabin a friend of his owned on a lake. The friend in question, John, was away in Australia of all places, but had given Tommy a key before leaving, telling him he could go to his cabin anytime. After a stop at the grocery store, Tommy had locked himself in there for two weeks.

The first couple of days, he had drunk himself into a daze, blaming himself for everything that went wrong, blaming himself for running away too many times, for maybe teaching her that running away was a good solution. He had called himself every name in the book, had drilled into his head a relentless mantra: "You were not good enough for her. You _are_ not good enough for her." The third day, he had sobered up. Looking at the empty bottles and packs of cigarettes, he had known it was the last scene Jude would have ever wanted to see. He had picked himself up and had begun to write—general journal entries about her, yes, but also about him and what he wanted out of life. He had also written a few songs and coupled the words with music with the help of his guitar.

After two weeks, on a morning when he had felt ready to get back to civilization, he had also felt the pain on his right side for the first time. He had ignored it through the day and dismissed it outright when he had called Darius in the afternoon, telling him to expect him back in the studio the next day.

"I'm glad to hear that, T."

"Keep me busy, D. That's all I ask."

"I have a few projects lined up for you. I can keep you busy, no problem."

Just as Tommy had been about to hang up, Darius had added: "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No."

"OK. Know that I'm here if you do."

"I won't, but duly noted."

And so Tommy had walked back in the studio. And Darius hadn't lied: there was tons of work for him to do, starting with Spiederman's first solo effort, and the Karma drama that never followed far behind. Tommy was rolling his eyes a lot, but in truth, all the action and drama happening to someone else, experienced second-hand as an outsider, was exactly what he needed. Despite all the "dudes" and monkeying around, it was fulfilling to help Spiederman find his voice, his sound. If the two made an unlikely producer-artist team at first, they fell rapidly into a groove. Moreover, Spiederman instinctively understood and respected the tacit "No Jude talk" agreement.

As it turned out, Sadie was the only person with whom he wound up talking about Jude. Once. Even Kwest had given up after a few tries. On a late night she had stuck her head into the studio and simply asked, "How are you holding up, Tommy?"

"Good. Spiederman actually laid a pretty good track this week. I'm mixing it right now."

"That's not what I meant…"

"Oh."

"Yeah. Oh."

Tommy had wanted to say, _"I didn't want to talk about it with Darius, I didn't want to talk about it with Kwest, I sure as well won't talk about it with you." _But despite his best sense, he had said, "Darius told me you went to visit her."

"I did. She felt a little overwhelmed. I think I helped with the transition."

"I'm sure you did." Tommy had looked down at his lap, at the hand closing into a fist resting close to his knee.

"So… do you want to talk about it?"

"No."

"She misses you."

"She told you that?"

"Actually, she didn't talk about you at all."

Tommy had snorted. "Thanks, Sadie. Just what I needed to hear."

"She didn't talk about you but I know you're still in her heart, Tommy. It's not you she rejected."

"No? Because it sure as hell felt like it!" he spat out with more venom than he had intended.

Sadie had sat down next to him and reached out to take his fist and unfold it into a hand. "She left because she needs to find herself, Tom. She has become so dependent on you, and it scares her. 'Let me unfold my wings', that's what it's about. She needs to find her own voice. She can't do that if you're with her. She relies too much on you."

"Jude is one of the strongest women I've ever met."

"But she's still just nineteen, Tom. She spent the last four years waiting for you. And in all that time, she didn't have the chance to find herself."

As painful as it was, Tommy had known Sadie was speaking the truth. He was twenty-six, and after all he had been through, he now knew what he wanted. Jude didn't.

"Do you understand what I'm trying to say?"

Tommy had looked up at Sadie, pressing her hand. "I do."

"Good." Sadie had gotten up then and headed to the door to leave him to his solitude again, but at the last minute, she had added, "Hey Quincy!"

"Yeah?"

"Keep her in your heart."

Tommy had nodded but stayed silent.

The next day, the pain on his right side couldn't—or wouldn't—be numbed down by all the pain medicine he kept throwing at it. He had seen the doctor, and the tests had begun.

All of this plays back into his mind as he stares at the grenade in his hand. Finally, he presses "Talk" and lifts the phone to his ear.

"Hi, Jude," he says softly.

"Hi, Tommy," she replies, and it's the first time she's said his name in a year. She has not even let herself think about it in her mind. The name seems to sit on her lips like a caress, though nervousness makes her throat constricts in pain.

There's silence for a minute, and Tommy realises it's up to him to break the ice. "So, that's some nasty trick Darius pulled on you, uh?"

"Yeah."

"I'm sure Sadie will be happy to see you, though."

"Only Sadie?" she asks and regrets it as soon as the words leave her mouth.

Tommy closes his eyes, wincing. "Well, I know one _dude _who'll be happy to jam with you."

Jude feels tears welling in her eyes, making her feel stupid. She knows he's being standoffish, avoiding the question. She never expected him to welcome her with open arms, to pretend like nothing ever happened, but she also doesn't want to make things worse. She's about to tell him that maybe talking on the phone was a bad idea when Tommy says, "I'll be happy to see you, too."

"Really?" she asks, her voice hopeful.

"Really, Jude." It's not a lie though it's also not exactly the truth. "And you?"

"I'll be happy to see you, too."

"Good," he says sharply and then he tries to take a more neutral tone: "So, how have you been, rock star?"

She smiles at the nickname. It's not much, but it's something. "I've been good. Working on my new album."

"Got a good producer?"

Jude is not sure how to take that question—is he being sarcastic; opening up old wounds? But his voice is steady, straightforward, so she decides to give him a direct answer as well. "Yes, I do. His name is Finn Bradfield. Ever heard of him?"

"Yes, I have. He's done some interesting stuff. He's treating you well?"

"Very well. He's tough, but fair, and he gives me the space I need."

"That's good. Very good. I'm glad to hear that."

"And you? Working on something cool?"

"I'm actually working with the aforementioned dude. Darius put me in charge of Spiederman's first solo album."

"Wow. How's that going?"

"Pretty well, actually. It took a little time, but we work well together, and now we're almost done. We had to break the recording into two parts because Karma refused to go on tour without him." He laughs and Jude echoes the feeling. "But he's very dedicated when it comes to his music and he came straight back to the studio with tons of ideas as soon as the tour was done, so I can't help but respect that. That's all I can ask for as a producer."

Tommy stops, feeling like he's been rambling on, but at the other end of the line, Jude is pleased. For a few seconds there, it feels a little bit like old times; it feels like maybe an approximate friendship is possible.

"And you? The new album is about done?" Tommy asks to shift the spotlight back on her.

"Yeah, nearly there. I still have a few tracks to lay down, but with that World Instant Star thing in two weeks, that's going to be put on hold for a bit."

"Yeah, yeah, I can imagine."

"But I like what we have so far. It's different but similar, if that makes any sense."

Tommy smiles and chuckles, unable to fight back the urge. "Not really, but yeah. I look forward to hearing it." Which is true but also a lie; he wonders if he'll have the strength to listen to it.

Jude laughs a little. Tommy relishes the sound. But then comes an awkward lull. Talking about music is one thing—it's a safe enough subject, but neither of them wants to move on to more personal topics. Still, Jude feels compelled to ask, "And you: you're doing well? I mean, you're taking care of yourself?"

Tommy takes a moment to think of the right thing to say. He is _not_ entirely well, but nobody knows that, except for Kwest. He knows the moment when he will have to inform Darius, his boss, of his health issues is fast approaching, but he is postponing it to the last minute, whether it's a wise decision or not. So, he replies, "I am. I mean, taking care of myself. Darius keeps me busy, and he's being kind enough to give me stimulating projects. So, I am doing well. How about you? Not working too hard, I hope?" There: that's good, he thinks. Keeping it on the professional level. Jude doesn't need to know.

"No. I am working hard, that is, but not too hard. And I'm taking the time to get to know the city."

"That's great, Jude. London is a fantastic place. There's so much to see and do."

"Yeah. I feel like I could stay here an entire lifetime without seeing half of what I'd love to see."

"Sounds about right." Tommy smiles, but his heart tells him he's had enough; enough for now. "Well, listen: I probably shouldn't drain Sadie's phone battery, but it's been nice talking to you, Jude. And I'll be glad to see you in two weeks."

_Two weeks_, he thinks. He is _definitely_ not ready.

"Same here."

"Good. Good," says Tommy, not knowing how to effectively close the discussion. "So, take care, you hear?"

"You too."

"Bye, Jude."

"Oh… Tommy?"

"Yeah?"

"This is probably going to sound a little strange but… Well…" she lapses, her hand gripping the phone so tight her knuckles are white.

"Well… what?" Tommy asks, his heart in his throat.

"Well, I was wondering if you'd be willing to listen to one of my songs."

"Oh."

"It's just that… it's pretty different from my usual style, and I guess I'd like a pair of fresh ears. And I trust you enough to tell me what you really think of it and not what you think I want to hear," she hurries up to say, words tumbling out in a jumble.

Tommy pinches the bridge of his nose, half-curious, half-reluctant. Hearing something new from Jude: can he actually do that? "I don't know if…"

"You don't want to do it," Jude jumps in, interrupting him. "I understand. I mean, you just said it: Darius keeps you busy and…"

"I'll do it." In the end, curiosity takes over.

"Really?"

"Sure, Harrison, you got it. You know the address?"

Another nickname; another tiny beacon of hope. "Yeah. I'll send it in a few minutes."

"All right. I'll give it a listen and you'll have my honest opinion."

"Thanks, Tommy."

"You got it. Do you want me to take you back to Sadie?"

"No. Tell her I'll call her back in about two hours. I have a few things to get done. And that'll give her phone the time to recharge," Jude says with a laugh.

"Sounds good," Tom smiles before adding, in a soft voice: "Bye, Jude."

"Bye, Tommy."


	3. Who's the Yellow Bird?

**Chapter Three - Who's the Yellow Bird?**

*Song by: Bright Eyes – _We Are Nowhere And It's Now_*

Sure enough, Tommy's computer pings a few minutes later with a message from Jude Harrison containing a MP3 and a short message: _Thank you, Tommy. I really appreciate this. Jude_

Trying not to think about how it feels to see her name appear on his screen for the first time in a year; trying to ignore how his ear still burns from being so close to her voice, Tommy plugs in his headphones to get ready to hear a track entitled, "We Are Nowhere And It's Now". He hits _Play_ and a ballad starts—guitar, bass, piano, and yes, he hears a mandolin, and a trumpet. It could sound too charged, too busy, but it's actually harmonious. Jude's voice is tender and simple. She doesn't push any notes; it's like she lets them flow smoothly out of her, sometimes accompanied by a man's voice he cannot place. _Not that it matters_, he tells himself.

_*If you hate the taste of wine  
Why do you drink it 'til you're blind?  
And if you swear that there's no truth and who cares  
How come you say it like you're right?  
Why are you scared to dream of god  
When it's salvation that you want?  
You see stars that clear have been dead for years  
But the idea just lives on_

_In our wheels that roll around_  
_As we move over the ground_  
_And all day it seems we've been in between_

_A past and future town_

_We are nowhere, and it's now_  
_We are nowhere, and it's now_  
_And like a ten-minute dream in the passenger's seat_  
_While the world was flying by_  
_I haven't been gone very long_  
_But it feels like a lifetime_

_I've been sleeping so strange at night_  
_Side effects they don't advertise_  
_I've been sleeping so strange_  
_With a head full of pesticide_

_I got no plans and too much time_  
_I feel too restless to unwind_  
_I'm always lost in thought_  
_As I walk a block to my favourite neon sign_  
_Where the waitress looks concerned_  
_But she never says a word_  
_Just turns the jukebox on_  
_And we hum along_  
_And I smile back at her_

_And my friend comes after work_  
_When the features start to blur_  
_She says these bars are filled with things that kill_  
_By now you probably should have learned_

_Did you forget that yellow bird?_  
_How could you forget your yellow bird?_

_She took a small silver wreathe and pinned it onto me_  
_She said this one will bring you love_  
_I don't know if it's true but I keep it for good luck*_

Tommy listens to the track a few times. It's beautiful. Jude was right when she said that it's different yet similar at the same time. He recognizes some of her usual vulnerability and her natural flair for a good ballad, but the lyrics—the lyrics are not as straightforward as her usual style. He tries to read between the lines, to figure out what she means by a head full of pesticide, and who or what is her yellow bird. But then he gives up. He doesn't know her life anymore, and he cannot venture down the road of overanalyzing lyrics he is probably not meant to fully understand. Jude sent him the song to get his opinion, and the song is good: there's no denying that.

Fingers poised over the keyboard, he tries to formulate into somewhat impersonal words a favourable, even enthusiastic review of this little gem when he gets shaken out of his thoughts (and a fifth listen) by Sadie rapping on the door.

"Hey, Tom. Just came to get my phone back."

"Right. Here you go." Tommy extends his hand and Sadie takes her phone back.

"So… how did it go?"

"It went," he says shortly. "Oh, and Jude said she'll call you back in about two hours."

"Great. Thanks."

Sadie turns to leave but pauses at the door. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Nope. But I do want to thank you for convincing Jude to talk to me."

"She told you?"

"No, I just assumed. It was good advice."

"Oh yeah?" Sadie asks with an arched eyebrow.

Tommy smiles and rebuffs the urge to roll his eyes. "It did break the ice and will make things slightly less awkward in two weeks, so thanks, Sadie. Truly."

"Anytime, Tom."

Again, Sadie is about to leave when her eyes float to the screen and the name at the top of Tommy's e-mail draft. "You're writing to her?"

Tommy sighs. The Harrison sisters: they have a knack for getting under his skin. "She sent me a song. She wanted my opinion on it. I was just about to reply and do just that."

"A song, uh?"

"Yes. You know, the kind of thing we record here," Tommy says, waving a hand about the booth. "The thing at the heart of your sister's career. You know what I'm talking about?"

Sadie tilts her head to the side and gives him a wry smile. Maybe she was better off when she simply said "Morning" and "Have a good day" to the guy. She had forgotten what a giant pain in the ass Tom Quincy could be. "All right, all right: I get the hint. If you want to act like it's no big deal that the first time you spoke to Jude in a year, she ended up sending a song to you, that's fine. Up to you."

Tom sighs again, wondering when was the last time he had sighed so many times in less than an hour. "It's quite different from Jude's usual style. I guess she got a little nervous about that. She wanted a pair of fresh ears…"

"And it probably helps that the pair of fresh ears in question are those of…"

"Don't say it, Sadie," Tommy warns with a glare.

"I was going to say that it probably helps that they are the ears of someone who used to produce her."

Tom nods, letting it slide. "Yes. Exactly."

"And how is it?"

"The song?"

"Yes. Unless you want to talk about something else…"

"No," he says curtly. "The song… it's good. It _is_ a departure from her usual style, but it's… It's quite beautiful, actually. That Finn Bradfield, he knows what he's doing." Tommy gulps and runs a hand through his hair to hide that slip; realising too late that the very fact that he would mess with his hair is a dead giveaway.

"You're a great producer, Tommy."

"Right. Anyway, I was just about to write back to say that I like her song."

Sadie hangs by the door, hesitating. "Are you sure you're OK, Tommy?"

"I am. I'm even better when people don't ask me that question."

"Because you can talk to me, you know?"

"No, I can't, Sadie. And even if I could, you'd find I don't have much to say."

"I'm sure that's not true," she says, squinting her eyes as though that will help her see through the façade—or at least, what she perceives as his façade.

"Oh no, you would find that it's actually all too true. I'm fine, Sadie. I told her I'll be happy to see her."

"And will you be?"

Tommy turns his head and his blue eyes bore into her. As much as she wants to insist, she knows she's reached the limit, the breaking point, when she sees the look in his eyes. She can't read all the emotions in them, but she can read enough to know he's sitting on the edge. "I'll go."

Tommy nods, turning his head back to the screen. Sadie closes the door and walks away, unable to shake off the sadness which tugs at her heart.


	4. KO-ed in one Round

**Chapter Four – K.O.-ed in one Round**

With a second helping of coffee, she tries to keep herself occupied, browsing through news and gossip sites, reading the other emails left ignored for too long. She also tries to formulate in her mind what she wants to say to Nicola when she'll see him at the label. After her brief conversation with Tommy, she's not exactly angry anymore, but she's also not thrilled with deals that get negotiated behind her back. That was one of several of her motivations to move on from G-Major and sign with another label: freedom, a voice, the right to agree and disagree on decisions made about her career. Jude never had the chance—or didn't take the chance—to tell Jamie he had a lot to do with that. When he had offered her the opportunity to become a producer for NBR, he had unknowingly opened this window: this window to a world of opportunities, of artistic freedom, of steps taken through her own volition. She'd have to tell him that the next time she spoke to him. She could already imagine his reaction to Darius' latest shenanigans.

It had been a while since Jude had heard of Darius. The love (or lust) relationship everyone thought was coming between her ex-boss and her sister never materialized. Though she has frequent conversations with Sadie, Jude never could get much out of her on the subject. With a short chuckle, Jude realises that her sister and Tommy are a lot alike in that sense: they don't volunteer much information, they keep their feelings closed up inside and only voice them out loud when things seem to be a tad desperate. In Tommy's case, often when the damage is already too great.

*Ding*

Her hand trembles a little when she moves it on the palm read to get to that incoming e-mail. She takes a deep breath when she sees his name on her screen: Tom Quincy. Her heart leaps and she cannot resist the urge to say it out loud, "Tom Quincy", letting it roll on her tongue and sending a shiver down her spine. But soon, she shakes her head, feeling silly.

_Jude:_

_I gave your song a few listens, and I like it a lot. I never would have thought of bringing in a mandolin for you, but it works so well with this song. The arrangements are beautiful and your voice is very soft on this, which is not something we often hear from you. It's very nice. You got me really curious to hear the rest of your album. By the sound of this song, I think it will be phenomenal and very mature: the natural next step for you. _

_Kudos._

_Tom_

Jude feels tears welling up in her eyes, though at first, she can't pinpoint exactly why. It takes a few readings of the e-mail for her to understand: Tommy has given her just what she had asked, just what she needed. And she is touched that he was able to do that, that we was able to listen to her song and critique it for what it is. She feels overwhelmingly grateful, and yet she knows she cannot fully express it, cannot make a big deal out of it. And so she keeps her reply brief:

_Thank you very much, Tommy. You gave me exactly what I needed._

_With gratitude,_

_Jude_

It's a bit terse and says so much less than what she wants to tell him, but it will do for now. She sighs when it truly sinks into her head that she will be back home in two weeks. She will be seeing Tommy again in two weeks. See his blue eyes, his smile, his hands (how she loved—loves?—his hands). She will also see him react to seeing her, having no idea what that reaction will be. Not that she knows what hers will be. For a year, she's pushed him out of her thoughts, stopped friends before they could speak his name (though in the first few months, Sadie had tried many times to bypass the wall Jude had put up). She had even banished him from her songs. Whenever she had felt the urge to write about him, she had put down her pen. Even with Jake, who had shared with her the story of his own broken heart, she had only said that hers was broken, too, without going into the details, without explaining that she was actually the one to do the breaking. At least, she thinks she broke his heart. Stopping friends before they could speak meant she didn't know how he was doing. How he had coped, if he had moved on. Maybe he had. Her heart sinks at the thought.

_Maybe he's moved on. What if he has?_

Would she find the courage to ask Sadie about it so as to not be blind-sided in two weeks?

The last year of his life was a complete mystery to her. Looking at his e-mail now, his beautifully worded e-mail stating just what she needed to read, it dawns on her that she's avoided something major: she's neglected to apologise to him.

* * *

Jude walks in Bermondsey, half-poised for a fight. She passes Finn in the hallway leading to Nicola's office and he throws her a puzzled look. "Hello, Jude. We don't have a session scheduled for today, have we?"

"No. I'm here to talk to Nicola about the whole World Instant Star finale thing. I assume you've heard?"

Finn nods, and his expression tells her all that she needs to know. "That's not great timing, innit? Just when we had gotten into the right pace to finish your album."

She understands what he means. It had taken her a while. The first month, not much had come out of their sessions. Nicola had suggested she'd take a little time off to get used to her new home. "There's no rush," he had said. "I know you have it in you. Settle in, get to know the city, it'll come." He had been right. Inspiration had come back eventually. Different from what it used to be, but that wasn't necessarily a bad thing.

"Tell me about it, Finn. Any chance we could cram in more studio time before I have to leave in two weeks?"

Finn takes a sip from the mug he's holding before answering, "Hmmm… I reckon we could. Let me have a look at the schedule. Come by to see me after your chat with Nicola. I'm in Studio 4 today."

She knows he'll find something. Finn is great like that. He's been a producer for over twenty years, and he's done some great things. At first, she had been intimidated by the gold and platinum records that lined the walls of his office, but Finn himself, he was not an intimidating man. He was like a big, walking teddy bear. He loved music, loved working with musicians, and he really liked Jude; her talent, her voice, her youth. He was showing her new skills with genuine generosity. And it was a relief to be sitting in a studio and a tiny booth with someone without any tension. Of any kind. Finn was taking the place left a little vacant by her dad in a way, but without the worries and the concerns. He was a true mentor. Tommy had been a mentor, too, but the trouble was he had been so much more.

Jude bites her lip. She is letting herself think of him. _Not good, Harrison_, she scolds herself. She shakes her head and her thoughts back to the present. Finn is already gone, and she's left alone, a few feet away from Nicola's office. She takes a deep breath. She has to let him know in a professional way that she is unhappy with this deal made behind her back.

_Are you unhappy? _a voice chimes in her mind. Of course she is, isn't she? But the voice does not answer.

Jude reaches the end of the hallway, knocks on the door and waits for Nicola's voice to beckon her inside.

Sitting at his huge mahogany desk, Nicola looks up to her. "Ah, Jude," he says in his crisp British accent. "I wasn't expecting you today. To what do I owe this honour?"

Fighting the urge to chuckle ironically, Jude decides to sit down to calm her nerves. She knows her chances of getting her point across are pretty slim, but at the very least, sitting down means no shaky legs in front of her opponent.

"So, looks like I'm heading for Toronto in two weeks?"

"Ah," he says before he falls silent.

"Ah? Is that all?"

"Yes. What else? We'll be paying for your travel, of course. I assume you are not in need of accommodations, but we can also take care of that, if need be. Oh, and Jake will be joining you. Mr. Mills informs me that your original band—what was the name again? S something?—is missing a bassist. A studio musician has been working with them, but Mr. Mills wants someone more youthful for the big finale."

Jude gulps. Jake will be coming with her? She is not sure how to react to that. Jake and Tommy, in the same world? _It doesn't matter_, she tells herself. _What difference does it make? Stop thinking about Tommy. _But now that the Tommy Pandora box is opened, closing it back seems impossible. He's back in her every thought. He'll probably be back in her dreams too, in the starring role, she'd bet.

"Nicola, I have to say, I'm not happy with this."

"What do you mean?" he interrupts.

"What I mean is Finn and I were getting into a good rhythm with the album. We could finally see the end, and now I'll have to pause all that good progress to fly back home for a month. I mean…"

"I thought you would be happy to enjoy a little vacation."

"This is _not_ a vacation. I'll be working, and like I said I'll have to interrupt my work here and…"

"Jude, correct me if I'm wrong, but do you not owe your career to that Instant Star contest?"

"I do, but…"

"And I'm sure you've had a look at your contract by now. This was always a possibility. It _is_ only for a month. And yes, you'll be working, but you will also be enjoying some free time with your family and friends. Maybe I am misunderstanding something here because I do not think the situation all that bad."

Jude sighs in defeat. Their exchange has only just begun, and yet she knows she is beaten flat out. Of course Nicola knows she's looked at the contract and seen that he indeed has the right to send her off to Toronto for a month. For the first time in a while, she feels young and small and foolish. She wishes someone would be holding her hand right now—metaphorically, of course—but she's alone in her corner of the ring, knocked out.

"Is there anything else?" Nicola asks, already focussing back on the screen of his laptop like she's out of his office.

"I-I guess not."

"Well then, have a good day, Jude."

Flabbergasted, she doesn't reply and slips out of his office feeling like she's about the size of an ant. She closes the door behind her, letting the reality sink in: Toronto, in two weeks, with Jake. As though summoned by her thoughts, he appears in the hall. "Well, beautiful, looks like we'll be taking a little trip together, yes?"

Jude smiles wryly and starts walking towards the studios. "Looks like it. I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry? I think it might be fun." Seeing her expression, he adds, tentatively: "Well, fun for me, at least."

"Sorry, Jake. It's just… Well, it's a lot."

"After the initial shock, I'm sure…"

"I spoke to him this morning, after you left," she cuts in.

Jake stops and extends a hand to make her pause as well. "And?"

"What do you mean?"

"How did it go?"

Jude looks down at her feet, suddenly embarrassed. It comes to her attention that she'll have to tell Jake the whole story soon. "All in all, it went well. He was nice."

"He's done the discarding, hasn't he? So he had better be nice," Jake says but Jude shakes her head. "He hasn't? You mean, it was you?" Jude nods. Jake stays silent for a bit before he says, "Listen, I haven't pushed you up to now, but it looks like you owe me a story before we head there, love."

"I know. And I will tell you everything, I promise."

"All right," he says, dropping the subject for the time being. Pointing towards the end of the hallway with a shake of his head, he adds, "How did it go in there?"

"Oh man, it was over before it even started. Nicola was ready for me, let me tell you."

"So now it's 100% sure: no getting out of it, uh?"

"We are Toronto-bound in two weeks," she says, trying to look dejected, but a small smile tugs at her lips.

"I saw that," Jake says with a laugh, picking the subject right back up. "Oh, I can't wait to hear that story!"

Jude blushes slightly, which only adds to her embarrassment.

"And now the lady blushes? I reckon this will be good!"

She punches his shoulder. "Calm down, _mate_! Who knew you were such a gossip? And now, if you'll excuse me, I have to drop in on Finn."

"OK, you do that, love. But you better keep your energy to tell me everything later."

Jude waves Jake goodbye with a smile and heads for Studio 4. She quietly slips into the booth and sits beside Finn who's busy recording a new track with this metal band Nicola signed only a few weeks ago. Finn looks up to her and smiles. When the band finishes the track, he pushes the intercom button: "Well done, lads. I need a few minutes with Jude here, so take a break. I want to record the drums when I get back, so get ready, Patrick."

The band nods as if they are one person, and Finn spins on his swivelling chair to get up. "Let's head for the tea shop, Jude."

Jude gets up, not really sure why they are heading out. She thought they would only be looking at the schedule to try to squeeze in some studio time for her. Before he exits the booth though, Finn grabs a clipboard as well as his jacket. "We'll look at the schedule too," he winks. "Come on."

Once outside, they only have a block to walk to the tea and coffee shop Jude was so happy to see on her first day a year ago. They step inside and after he asks if she wants her regular drink, Finn heads for the counter to place their order while Jude finds a table. He joins her and only a few minutes after, a waitress brings a mug of Earl Grey and a large latté for Jude. "Ta," says Finn before pushing the clipboard towards Jude. "I had a look at the schedule and marked some spots where I could fit you in, provided I can shuffle some of the others around a bit. Have a look."

Jude looks at the schedule and sees a few times that would work for her. Finn passes a pen to her and she marks the times with her initials before handing the clipboard back to him.

"Looks good. Let me get in touch with the lads, and confirm the times tomorrow, OK?"

"Thank you so much, Finn. I really appreciate it."

"Not a problem. Could you check with your band mates if those times work for them? That'll save me the trouble."

"I'm pretty sure what I marked will work. It's pretty close to some of our usual schedule, but I'll double-check."

"Excellent," he says taking a sip of his tea while Jude waits. This can't be it.

"Finn, I assume you didn't take me here just for that because we could've done that back at the studio. So, what's up?"

Finn smiles. "Smart lass, you are. Just thought I'd give you a bit of advice if you want it."

"Of course," Jude says.

Finn nods and continues: "By the slump in your shoulders, I reckon the meeting with Nicola went as I expected it to go, yes? You're heading home in two weeks?"

"You're right. Apparently, there are provisions in my contract, which basically give him the right to ship me off there."

"And that's what I wanted to talk about… away from the studios. Listen, Jude. I know your contract is also only for one album, with an option to renew. My advice is to not renew it."

"Want to get rid of me, Finn?" Jude asks, half-joking, half-serious.

"Quite the contrary: I want you to sign a new one. I know Nicola, and this is what he'll do: right before your album gets released, he will try to pick up that renewal option. You know why? Because your album is brilliant, Jude. And I'm not saying that to toot my own horn. I think it's brilliant because you've put so much work and efforts into it. And I think Nicola will realise that as soon as he hears the final product, and that's why he'll try to get you to renew. My advice is: don't. I'd love you to stay at Bermondsey but on your own terms—for real, this time."

Jude gapes at Finn, wide-eyed. Now she understands the need for cloak-and-dagger at the tea shop: Finn is basically telling her how to have the upper-hand on their boss. "Wow. Thanks for the advice, Finn. That's… that's beyond the call of duty."

"It's quite all right," he says, taking another sip before motioning to the waitress. "Could I have this in a cup to go? Ta." He gets up and turns to Jude. "I have to head back. Go call your band mates to work out the schedule. I'll call you tomorrow to confirm everything. Sounds good?"

"It's great. Thanks again, Finn. For everything."

Finn smiles and nods. The waitress brings him his tea and he heads out.


	5. Tight like a Knot (or a Fist)

**A/N: **Thank you so much, **GrandiloquentHeartlessness**, for your lovely review! I really appreciated it. It's nice to know one person is following me along on this journey! :)

This will be the last chapter for a bit, as this is the last nearly finished chapter I had kicking around. Hope those of you who are reading are enjoying the ride so far. Feel free to drop me a comment. I'd love to read what you think. Thank you!

* * *

**Chapter Five – Tight like a Knot (or a Fist)**

He spends way too long a time staring at her fourteen-word reply (fifteen if you count her name—_Jude_). Then, against his better judgement, he plays the song again—this time around, not thinking of the instrumentation or the rightness of the introduction of the mandolin, but focussing only on her voice. Melancholia sets in (though it never really left him) and for the first time since the news of her impending visit broke, he's scared; scared to see her, scared of what he'll do, scared of facing the truth.

Tommy is snapped back into reality by a hand patting his shoulder softly. He looks up and sees Kiera with the bag of her electronic cello swinging from her shoulder. She points to his headphones. "Whatcha listening to?"

"Oh, just a new song someone asks my opinion on," he replies evasively.

"So? Any good?" she asks with a smile.

"It's great. You're ready to work?"

"Hmm…er… yeah," Kiera says, taken a little aback from the sudden switch in the conversation. "Looks like I'm the first one here, though."

Tommy glances at his watch: that's because she's twenty minutes early. But he doesn't want to wait. He's itching to get to work, to fill his ears with something else.

"Well, that'll give you time to warm up, right? Get in there!" he orders with a smile.

"Yes, boss!" Kiera replies with a smile of her own. Looking through the window, she sees Tommy has already set up the mics for her instrument, the bass, and the percussions. "Wow, it's all ready! You're really eager to work today, Quincy."

"Are you insinuating something there, Kiera?" he asks, eyebrow arched.

"Me? Never!" With a crooked grin, Tommy points to the studio in faux frustration. "All right, all right: this is me, setting up," she says. He nods and pushes his laptop aside.

Kiera takes her cello out and starts the tuning process while Tommy adjusts the levels on his side. He stands up and is about to walk out of the booth and into the studio to move one mic slightly to the left when there's a knock at the door. Tommy turns around just in time to see Speiderman walking in.

"Hey, Vin. What brings you by?"

"Uh… Like the news of the year. What else, Quincy?" Spied says with his best _duh_ face.

"Oh, that."

"Yeah, that!"

Tommy spins on his heels and heads toward the studio, with Spied following close behind. "That's it? _Oh, that_," he mimics. "That's all you have to say?"

Tom is rearranging the mic with Spied staring at him in disbelief. Caught between the two, Kiera just follows the exchange silently, like she's watching a tennis match.

"What else am I supposed to say?" Tommy says, his temper still in check—for now.

"Jude is coming back. In two weeks. Juuuude. J-U-D-E."

"I can spell, Vin. Especially four-letter words, thank you very much."

"And you still got nothing to say?"

Tommy stops, throwing his hands in the air. "This is Darius' doing. She'll only be here for a short while…"

"A whole month!" Spied clips in.

"Yeah, a month, otherwise known as a_ short while_. You know, I thought we had that unspoken understanding that she was not a topic of discussion between us."

"That deal is gone, dude."

Tommy frowns, caught by surprise. He actually thought bringing it up would help Vince get the hint—so much for that. "Why is it gone?"

Spied shakes his head. "Dude, are you always this dense? Because she's coming here. She'll _be_ here in two weeks."

"So? That's good. She's your friend, no? Aren't you happy she's coming?"

Spied lets out a noise that sounds like a strangled scream. "You _are_ being dense on purpose, right?"

Tommy smiles. "What do you think?"

Spied shakes his head. "I can't believe you." He looks up to stare straight at his producer. "And here I thought… Well, never mind. Forget it."

Seeing that Spied is being serious, Tommy feels bad about his attitude. "Come on," he says, motioning back to the booth. Spied gets in ahead of him and aims straight for the door. "Listen, man, I'm sorry. I just… I don't want to talk about it. With anyone. It's nothing personal."

Spied turns away from the door to face him. "But you got to."

"Says who?"

"Says, like, any rational person. Even my wife would say so, and she's all about shoving your feelings down like they don't exist!" Tommy laughs—that sure is a faithful definition of Karma. "I'm not joking, Quincy. I'm… I'm actually worried about you," he mumbles the last part, but Tommy gets the message loud and clear.

"OK. How about this? I'm going to call Kwest right now, in front of you, and ask him to meet me tonight, all right? And I promise to at least _mention_ to him that Jude is coming. OK?"

Spied turns the proposition over in his head—it's not much. Tommy could just as easily shut down Kwest. But then a light bulb illuminates his mind. He _could_ talk to Kwest as well. "OK."

Tommy nods and gets his phone out. He presses "2" on his speed dial and tucks the phone against his ear.

"Speakerphone!"

"Ah, come on…"

"Speakerphone, Quincy. No kidding around!"

Tommy presses the speaker button just as Kwest picks up. "Hey, Tom. What's up?"

"Hey, man. Sorry. Sounds like I'm catching you at a bad time."

"I have about two minutes."

"Hey, Kwest!" Spied chimes in.

"And I'm on speakerphone. Great," comes Kwest's wry reply.

"Yeah. That wasn't my idea, man," Tommy says. "All right, well, I'll be quick. Do you have time to meet for a drink tonight?"

"Uh… I'll make the time. When?"

"Eight? At our usual place?"

"You're on. That's it?"

"Yeah, that's it," Tommy answers quickly. "I'll let you get back to your busy day."

"Wait, wait. Why did you need me on speakerphone for that?"

"Because Jude is coming!" Spied pipes in so fast, it actually sounds more like one word: _Becausejudeiscoming_.

"Oh, shit," Kwest says. Tommy glares at Spied who mouths a _What?_ with as much innocence as his face can muster. "When?" Kwest asks.

"In two weeks," Spied answers. "For a _whole_ month", he adds, just to taunt Tommy.

"Damn," Kwest says.

"It's not that big of a deal," Tommy says. "It's for the World Instant Star Grand Finale."

"Still, T…"

"Thank you!" Spied exclaims. "Finally: a normal reaction! Kwest, man: Quincy refuses to talk about it with me. That's why you're on speakerphone. I want to make sure he at least talks to you about it tonight. So, like, that's your mission, all right?"

"A mission? What is this?" Tommy quips, his temper flaring up. "You've been watching too much Dr. Phil, man."

"You _never_ talk about her. That's just… weird!"

Meanwhile, on the other side of the window, Kiera's bassist and percussionist are walking in, ready to set up. Kiera motions at the window; at Spied talking with his hands and at Tommy holding the phone tightly. The three of them just keep on staring at the spectacle.

"Vin, she's been gone for a year. What could I _possibly_ have to say about her?"

"Well, Sadie told me you spoke to her this morning!"

"You did?" Kwest asks.

With his free hand, Tommy pinches the bridge of his nose, feeling a headache coming on. "Yeah, for like a minute. We talked about her album, about _your _album," Tommy says, pointing at Spied. "She sent me a song and that was it."

"Whoa," Kwest replies.

"What, _whoa_? There's no _whoa_! She just wanted a second opinion, that's all!"

"A second opinion from you, T." And Spied nods in agreement. Tommy can't help but push out an "Ugh!"

"Listen, guys, I have to go. Tommy: I'll see you at eight. We are _not_ done talking about this, and that's my promise to you, Spied."

"Thanks, Kwest!"

"See you tonight, man." Tommy hangs up before throwing an exasperated look at Spied. "There. Happy?"

"Very," Spied answers. "I'll see you tomorrow, Mr. Producer."

"Oh, I'm counting down the minutes."

"There he is!" Spied turns toward the window and waves at the trio. "I wouldn't want to be those poor dudes right now. Yikes!"

Tommy pushes Spied out. "Get out of here." He then settles down on his chair and looks up at the band waiting for him. He presses on the intercom button. "You guys ready?"

"Yep," Kiera answers. "But, uh, Quincy… Who's Jude?"

Tommy waves her off. "Just… Just start playing," he says between clenched teeth.

* * *

Tommy is the first one to show up at the pub, and he takes a seat at their usual table. A waitress with a nametag that announces "Mel" swings by to take his order and comes back a few minutes later with a ginger ale. At fifteen past, Kwest walks in and spots Tom right away. "Sorry, T. I got cornered by Paegan on my way out."

"He's back?"

"Yeah, he just flew in yesterday, unannounced. Looks like this week is full of blasts from the past."

"Oh, good. Let's not ease into it. Let's jump right in," Tommy says wryly.

"Damn straight! Were you going to tell me? I mean, if Spied hadn't forced you to do it?"

"Of course I would have!"

"Yeah? When? Once she's flown back?"

Tommy is about to answer when Mel interrupts to take Kwest's order. "I'll have a beer. Whatever blonde you have on tap is fine."

"Still going for blondes, uh?" Tommy asks with a smirk once Mel has left the table.

"You're the one to talk. How is she, anyway?"

"Sadie? She's fine, I think. She's the one who got me to speak to Jude."

"Yeah, that's Sadie all right: always the peacemaker." Kwest smiles sadly.

"There's still nothing between her and Darius, as far as I can tell."

"That's none of my business, man."

"Doesn't mean you're not interested."

"True enough." Kwest stays silent for a while, trying to suppress any intimate image of Sadie and Darius. "Hey, do you think Jude is seeing someone?"

Tommy sighs. "I don't know. I hope so."

"You _hope_ so?! You expect me to buy that?"

"Yes, I do! You more than anyone should know I mean it, given… well, you know."

Mel brings Kwest his beer and he latches on to it like a lifeline. Of course, Kwest knows, and that's the problem: he's the only one who knows.

"Have you told Tristan?"

"What's the point?"

"What's the point?! He could get tested: that _is_ the point!"

"It's highly unlikely he's got it. It's a hereditary disease and my mother doesn't have it, so I got it from my father. And as you know, Tristan and I are only half-brothers."

"I meant he could get tested as a potential donor."

Tommy chuckles. "Yeah, like Tristan would do that."

"Oh, come on, man…"

"Kwest: think about it. I mean, _really_ think about it."

"He could surprise you."

"Yeah, by selling the story to the tabloids, he could."

Kwest looks down at his beer. "Yeah. I hate to agree with you there, but you're probably right." Tommy nods, his mouth tight. "You are going to tell Jude about the situation though, right?" Tommy shakes his head. "You've got to be kidding me. You _have _to tell her!"

"She left me, Kwest. A year ago. Today was the first time I've heard from her, and only because Darius went behind her back to drag her back here, and then Sadie convinced her to speak to me. I'm not part of her life anymore. She doesn't have to know."

"But she'd want to know. Come on, man. If the situation was reversed, you'd want to know."

"But _I_ didn't leave _her_."

"This time," Kwest mumbles.

Tommy glares at his friend, a short fuse away from blowing out at him, but he takes a deep breath. Kwest is right. And Kwest is the only real family he has left. He can't get angry at his friend for speaking the truth. "She finally had the good sense to do it herself."

Kwest shakes his head. He knows the road on which they are about to embark—the self-pity journey—and he doesn't want to let Tommy lead him there; not tonight. "Tom, this girl loved you and waited for you for four years. No one and I mean no one, not even you, will make me believe she stopped all of a sudden. So we're not going there tonight." Tommy is about to speak up, but Kwest raises his hand to stop him. "You will hate me for what I'm about to say, but I gotta. You _have_ to tell her, Tommy. She needs to know. She deserves to know. If you don't, I will."

Tommy stands up, pushing his chair back, which hits the ground with a thud. "That's my life," Tommy screams. "You have no right to interfere!"

The barman comes from behind the counter and walks towards the two friends. "Fellas, you need to calm down."

Tommy breathes in deeply before turning his head towards the barman. Nodding, he says, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'll… I'll sit down."

With a sudden dizzying sensation taking over, Tommy grips the table and Kwest gets up like a shot to pick up the chair and help his friend down. He turns to the barman and says, "We're cool, man. Everything's cool."

The barman nods and walks away.

"You all right, man?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine." A moment passes during which Kwest gets back to his own seat. "I'm sorry, man. I shouldn't get mad at you. Everything you said, it… it was right. But how can I tell her that?"

"You'll figure it out, T." But Tommy shakes his head, making fists with his hands. "Tommy: you will."

Tommy extends a hand to grab his drink and notices it's shaking around the glass. Jude's imminent visit just got infinitely scarier.


	6. Toto, We're not in London Anymore

**A/N: **Thank you, **Kiera**, for your review. I picked a name at random for Tommy's artist, and look at that! Someone named Kiera is reading my story. Kismet! :)

And here's another chapter. You have the long weekend to thank for that! My story is a bit (read: a lot) of a slow burn: I hope you're still enjoying it.

* * *

**Chapter Six – Toto, We're not in London Anymore **

The next two weeks fly by, both for Jude and Tommy.

Thanks to Finn and her band mates' goodwill, Jude crams in extra studio time, leaving her album almost complete. "I think it's missing at least a ballad for good measure," Finn says the night before her departure. "And though I love _Kids on the Run_, I'd like to pack more punch on the last song."

Jude nods, knowing he's right. You've got to end an album on a strong note; that's something her dad taught her over the years in his extensive exposés on the strengths and weaknesses of the many albums of his collection. And it's a notion that was reinforced by Tommy's teaching; the art of recognizing how one song or how the placing of one song can alter the rest of an album or, more precisely, the listener's experience of it.

"Hey, perhaps inspiration will strike during your time back home, eh?" Finn smiles. "Keep your journal handy."

Inspiration striking is what Jude fears the most. Already, she's had to ignore the urge to write over the last few days because her inspiration refused to remain in neutral territory where it had happily stayed over the last year. "I always do, Finn. Don't worry."

"But Jude: make sure you take some time to relax and enjoy yourself, too. You've been working hard." Finn pats her gently on the shoulder.

Jude smiles her gratitude. "Thanks, Finn. I don't think I could've done it without you."

"Oh yes, you could've, lass. But I'm glad to be along for the journey. Now, out. Get some rest and have a safe trip." He slips an arm around her shoulders, gives them a squeeze, and then turns around to head into the studio.

"So Jude, about tomorrow: Heathrow is such a zoo; I'm thinking I had better swing by your place with a taxi. Would that be all right?"

Jude turns around and sees Jake with his bass bag strapped on his back. "Oh, sure. That sounds good, Jake."

"All right, then. Our flight's at 12:05, so I'll be at your place at nine. Wish someone could explain to me why flights never depart on the hour."

Jude laughs. "You know, I never thought about it, but that's a good question."

Jake smiles. "I have a knack for mulling over insignificant details. Oh, and Sadie is still all right with letting me stay over?"

"Oh, absolutely. Now that the house is ours, she moved to the master bedroom, which means you'll get to stay in her old bedroom; the place where she had all those dreams about boybands."

"Oh, jolly. I'll be coming back here a fan of the Backstreet Boys, won't I?" he says with a wince.

_No, not the Backstreet Boys_, Jude thinks. _Not exactly. _But she doesn't say anything; just shrugs helplessly.

"Well, I had better get home and listen to some manly music before we head there. I'll see you tomorrow morning, Jude."

"See you tomorrow," she replies. A part of her wants to ask him to spend the night, but it makes sense that he wants to stay home for his last night. He's probably not done packing—or maybe she's projecting because she sure as hell is not done packing herself.

When she gets home, the place seems emptier than usual. In truth, since she's told Jake her whole story with Tommy, he's been more distant. Not distant in his friendship—on that score, he's still the same Jake: still quick with a smile and those cheery remarks that never fail to make her laugh—but he's taken a step back on the _benefits_ part of their friendship. She wants to ask him why, but she fears she knows why: Tommy. When Jude had finished the long tale, Jake had said, "Well, that's no conclusion. That book is not done, Jude." Knowing Jake as well as she's come to know him over the last year, Jude is aware that the man is a hopeless romantic. _He's taking a step back to not be in the way_, she thinks. But in the way of what?

She walks into her small kitchen where she opens a bottle of red wine and gets herself a glass. She then marches to the stereo system, press _Play_ on the shuffle mode of her MP3 player before heading for her bedroom to pack. Once the packing is done, she plops herself in front of the TV with leftovers from the Thai takeaway of the previous night and watches a movie mindlessly.

At 10 pm, she gets to bed knowing she has a long day ahead.

At 11 pm, her eyes still refuse to stay shut.

She scoots up to a sitting positing, back against the headboard, reaches for her phone on her night stand, and presses the number 2 on her speed dial.

"I knew you'd call," comes her sister's reply.

"You know me too well… And that needs to stop!" Jude jokes.

"Ah, well, that comes from years and years of experience. Can't sleep, uh?"

"Nope. And you? What are you up to? Are you home?"

"No. Still chained to my desk trying to make sense of Darius' many, _many_ notes for the Grand Finale."

"Ouch. I'm sorry, Sadie."

Sadie smiles. "Don't be. I'm the masochist who signed up for the job, remember?"

"I hope he appreciates you."

"I managed to get a raise before hell got unleashed on me."

"Hey! Good for you, sis! How'd you swing that?" Jude asks with a smile.

"I know how to pick the right time. Imagine what would've happened to poor Darius if pretty, little me had quit right before his Grand Finale?"

Jude bursts into a laugh. "You didn't?!"

"Yeah, I did. And proud of it!"

"Man, from now on, I need you with me whenever I sign something."

"Well, we'll have a month together. I'll teach you all that I know, kid," Sadie says with a smile in her voice.

"Sounds good. Finn actually gave me some advice about my contract the other day."

"Oh yeah? What was it?"

"He told me not to renew and to negotiate a whole new contract instead."

"Good man," Sadie replies with a serious tone. "I think you should follow his advice."

"I think so, too. Maybe I could meet with a lawyer while I'm home to work out a contract template."

"Sounds like a great idea, Jude. And I can actually recommend someone. He's the guy Darius use, so you know he's tough."

"Yikes! Nicola won't know what hit him." Both Jude and Sadie laugh. "So… how is he?" Jude asks with butterflies flapping nervously in her stomach.

"Ah. I was wondering how long it'd take you."

"Sorry to be so predictable," Jude says in a small voice.

"I was just teasing. I'd be nervous too if I were you. He's OK. He's probably still here too, actually. Because of the Finale, he's had to work longer hours in the studio with the artists currently on his plate."

"Yeah, I had to cram more studio time, too. He's OK, though?"

"If I were to guess, I'd say he's probably nervous as hell. I bumped into him earlier and he looked a little pale."

"Oh," Jude says, not liking the sound of that. "I hope he's OK."

"He's probably just tired, Jude. Darius has been working him hard. The next month will be very busy for him, too. Darius wants him to record a compilation album for the Grand Finale. Another fun thing you'll get to do while you're here."

"Yippee," Jude says flatly. "Well, I shouldn't take too much of your time; otherwise, you'll never get home tonight."

"Right. Try to catch some rest, Jude. And I'll see you at the airport tomorrow. Despite the circumstances, I have to say: I'm really glad you'll be home for a while."

"Yeah. Me too," Jude answers, realising that she's actually speaking the truth.

* * *

The next morning, after a text message from Jake telling he's pulled up downstairs, Jude walks out to find him standing by a taxi, holding a large cup of coffee in his hand. "You're a god," she says with a smile.

"Hmm-hmm. Please tell the rest of the world, will you, love?"

Jude laughs while the driver hauls her suitcase in the trunk. Jude thanks him and climbs onboard. They stay silent the rest of the way, each still half-asleep, half-caught in their own thoughts. Soon enough, they are both shocked awake in the craziness of Heathrow. "Now I remember why I hate airports," Jude mumbles.

"And we haven't even passed security yet. Brace yourself."

With suitcases in tow, they rush through all the dizzying steps: registering, lining up to pass the security check, and then the long walk to their gate. When they finally get there, Jude sinks on a seat and, without asking his permission, lies her head down on Jake's lap. "I guess the lady needs more beauty sleep, yes? I must warn you, though: I'll have to head to the men's room in a short while."

"Just push me right off when you do."

"Deal."

But when Jude falls asleep (having not slept exactly well the previous night), Jake doesn't have the heart to push her off. However, when a flight attendant starts the boarding roll call, Jake wakes her up before rushing off to the nearest washrooms.

At last, they are on board, buckled up in their seats, a few minutes shy of taking off. Jake holds a book on his lap—a travel book about Toronto. Jude smiles. "You know, there's not _that _much to see in Toronto, Jake."

"So what? I like to be prepared. Besides, I can't expect you to hold my hand everywhere, can I? You'll want time by yourself and with Sadie and your friends and… Well, you know."

"There won't be any time alone with Tommy, believe me."

"Oh yeah?" Jake says with an eyebrow raised. "We shall see about that."

"So that's it! That's why you've been distant!"

"Distant? I haven't been distant. And I'm sitting right next to you right now."

"You know what I mean, Jake."

Jake gives her a sheepish look. "Yeah, I do. I just… I don't want to stand in the way, Jude."

"In the way of _what_?" Jude raises her voice, but then remembers where she is and calms down. "There's nothing for you to stand in the way of."

"Nice syntax there, Jude. You write songs with that?" he teases. Jude can't help but laugh, which diffuses the tension that was decidedly building up between them. "Listen, I get a strong feeling that I could be standing in the way of something, and that's the last thing I'd want. And anyway, love, the kind of arrangement we had, it can't last forever. It's meant to be a transition deal, and when all is said and done, I'd rather lose the intimacy and keep you as a friend than lose you altogether. OK?"

Jude reflects on his words for a while and ends up nodding in agreement. "Yeah, I get it."

"Good," he smiles.

The rest of the flight is pretty uneventful with Jude falling asleep on Jake's shoulder as soon as the plane reaches its altitude and Jake browsing through the attractions Toronto has to offer.

* * *

After a long wait at customs and another wait at the baggage claim, Jude and Jake are finally passing through the arrivals gate where they are quickly spotted by Sadie who yelps out a "Juuuuuude!"

Dropping her suitcase, Jude runs to her sister and the two Harrisons hug tightly. "It's so good to see you, little sister," Sadie says and she has to fight back the tears.

"Tears, Sadie? For me?" Jude says as she pulls back from the hug.

"Yes. Call me sentimental or whatever: I don't care! I'm just so happy to have you home. I've missed you!"

"I've missed you, too. So much!" Jude says pulling her sister into another hug. Now that she's here, she realises just how much she _did_ miss her sister.

Pulling the two suitcases, Jake stops next to them and clears his throat.

"Oh, Sadie: this is Jake; our roommate for the next month."

Sadie smiles and extends her hand. Jake clumsily lets go of one of the suitcases and shakes Sadie's hand. "It's nice to meet you, Jake. Glad to have you over."

Jake smiles in return: "I promise to be a good guest and clean up after myself. And I'm housebroken, too. I can put the toilet seat back down like a pro."

Sadie laughs. "Well, that's good, Jake, because it'll be two against one for the next month."

"Jude's already warned me that I'll be sleeping with the ghosts of boybands past. Why do I get the feeling I will not be the same after this month?"

Sadie laughs again. Then, turning to Jude, she says: "I like him."

Jude grins in return. "He's a pretty awesome _mate_, all right. Now, please, let's get home. I'm exhausted."

"Says the girl who slept the whole flight over," Jake teases, and Jude sticks her tongue out at him.

"All right. This way, travelers!" Sadie says, leading them towards the exit.

When they get home, Jude is happy to see that, aside from a few changes clearly showing Sadie's style, the house is pretty much the same, with the most notable new item being a brand new couch. Jude smiles. "The old couch had too much history, uh?"

Sadie laughs. "You can say that again."

Jake's eyes travel from one sister to the next: "I see that's another story I'll get to hear later. This will be a very entertaining trip for me."

"Come on, let me show you to your room and then I'll give you the tour," Jude says.

They head upstairs where they both drop their suitcase in their respective room. They make a quick stop in her bedroom, which still looks the same; all the way down to Tommy's framed picture on her night stand. "Tommy?" Jake asks. Jude nods yes then pulls him out of her bedroom.

She shows him the bathroom in the hall and the closet where he can find all the toiletries he may need. Then they head back downstairs. "The living room, you saw already. The kitchen and dining room are this way." In the kitchen, a famished Jude opens the pantry door and yelps when she sees several boxes of Pop-Tarts. "Sadie, you bought those for me?"

"Yep. All the flavours they had." Turning to Jake, she adds: "There's also tons of other food. I assumed you probably don't share my sister's bizarre taste in food."

Jake grins. "I appreciate that, Sadie. Lord knows I _don't_! Well, listen, sisters: I think I'll go out and explore a bit and leave you two to your catching-up."

"Oh, Jake: you don't have to," Jude says.

Jake waves his guide book. "Hey! I didn't spend my hard-earned money on this for nothing, love!" Jake heads upstairs to grab his wallet and a sweater. When he gets back down, Sadie hands him a set of house keys. Opening the front door, Jake turns back to say, "I gather my first purchase will be sunglasses. That yellow orb, it shines brightly over here. Holy! Well, ta, ladies!"

As soon as the door closes, Sadie grabs Jude's hand. "Come on. We have _a lot_ of catching up to do!"


	7. Catching-up is hard to do

**A/N: **Thank you, **Guest** and **alexusworld**, for your reviews! So glad some of you are enjoying the story; I'm having fun writing it myself.

* * *

**Chapter Seven – Catching-Up is hard to do**

Sadie drags her sister into the kitchen and Jude takes a seat at the island while Sadie prepares a pot of coffee. "So, Jake is nice. Very nice."

"He's a sweetheart," Jude agrees.

"Is he still sort of your fellah?" Sadie asks, and Jude shakes her head. "No? That's a new development."

"He never really _was_ my fellah, Sadie."

"I know, but you guys were a little more than friends. So, what happened?"

"Well… I wasn't exactly completely honest with him about Tommy," Jude says sheepishly.

Sadie starts the coffee-maker and turns to Jude, brows knitted. "What do you mean?"

"When Jake told me the story of his own heartbreak, I just said I was heartbroken, too. But I failed to mention that I was the one to break things off with Tommy."

"Why?" Sadie asks, surprised.

"I just didn't want to talk about Tommy. I still don't… I think. But, well, life is no longer giving me that option, uh?" Jude sighs. "Before that, Jake assumed Tommy was completely out of the picture, you know? He dumped me, I'm heartbroken; it's done. But now that he knows how it ended, he says he doesn't want to be in the way."

Taking mugs out of the cupboard, Sadie replies, "Smart man."

"But he can't be in the way, Sadie. There's nothing to be in the way of."

"Hmm-hmm."

"What do you mean, _hmm-hmm_?" Jude pounces.

"Listen, I'm just glad Jake got it before I was forced to tell him what I've told others: Never stand between Jude and Tommy—"

"They pick each other every time," Jude concludes. "But it's not like that anymore, Sadie."

"Isn't it?" she asks, putting a carton of milk on the countertop. When Jude doesn't answer, Sadie decides to keep silent for the time being. The coffee-maker beeps, and she pours the hot liquid into the mugs. Sadie prepares her coffee while Jude does the same, then she motions for Jude to follow her into the living room. They both sit down on the newish couch and Jude smiles her appreciation. "Nice. Good pick."

"It cost a fortune but I think it was worth it," Sadie replies with a grin. She takes a sip of her coffee and dives right in: "If I ask you something, will you promise to answer me honestly?"

Jude eyes her sister warily, not sure if she wants to play at that catching-up game anymore until the idea of a rule of her own starts taking shape in her mind. "Only if first, _you_ tell me what happened with Darius!"

Sadie stares at her sister wide-eyed, never expecting the focus to be shifted back on her so fast and so soon. "Jude, I don't even know what to say."

Jude gives Sadie her sweetest smile; the one everyone seems to find hard to resist—Sadie is quick to recognize it. "You're not playing fair, sister."

"Just tell me!" Jude pleads. "I don't know anything. One minute, it seemed you two were hot and heavy and heading for… Well, a hotter and heavier road," she jokes, hoping to make her sister relax and open up. "And the next: poof! The whole thing was done, like it never really happened. So what _did _happen?"

Sadie breathes in deeply, not knowing where to start; in truth, feeling like there is nowhere to start since the story ended before it even began. "I don't know. I guess I got cold feet. For a moment there, Darius seemed so exciting. I know you see him as a boss and a pain in the ass, Jude, but—"

"No, I can see how D could look exciting," Jude chimes in. "I mean, he's a good-looking man, and he can be very charming."

"He _can_ be," Sadie agrees. "And, I don't know… I ended things with Kwest on a whim. He was being too sweet and caring, and I felt like I couldn't breathe. In retrospect, I think it was a huge mistake. I should've just taken some time by myself."

"Yeah. Kwest is a reasonable guy: I think he would've got that."

Sadie sighs. "I know. But at the time, I just felt… smothered, I guess. And Darius was shining brightly in my eyes, being the total opposite of that. A few dates in, I realised just _how much_ of a total opposite. I mean, yes, he looked at me in that certain way we all like a man to look at us, and of course, the attraction was mutual, but beyond that: what could we have? Darius likes power and beautiful things, but things he can collect and, well, neglect once he's got them."

"Wow. Well put."

Sadie smiles. "Don't be so surprised that I have half a brain."

Jude throws her sister a serious look. "Sadie, you've got a hell of a lot more than _half_ a brain! You're so brilliant at everything you do. Never forget that."

Sadie gives her a faint smile. "Thanks. Well, anyway, that's pretty much what happened. I let it fizzle. And it's not like Darius was all that heartbroken about it, which only served to prove that I made the right decision. I think he had a date with a new woman a week after our last date or something."

"Yeah, that sounds like Darius. He's big on family—just look how he defended Portia. And he loves his daughter, but I think everything else comes second to his business endeavours."

"Well put," Sadie says with a smile, returning the compliment.

"The brain, it runs in the family," Jude says with a wink. "And since then, has there been anyone special?"

"No, no one. Work is keeping me very busy, and to be honest, I'm all mixed up."

"How do you mean?"

"Sometimes, I feel like I don't know what love is, Jude. Like maybe I don't recognize it when it's staring me straight in the face. The other day, when I saw the look in Tommy's eyes, I realised 'Wow, I want that!' but I don't know if I would even know it if I _did_ have it."

Jude gulps. "Tommy?" _The look in Tommy's eyes?_ Sadie catches her sister's expression and puts her mug down to reach for her shoulders. "I think I didn't express myself clearly…"

"No, I mean, he's free. You could—"

"Whoa, whoa, Jude. No, no, no. That's not what I meant at all! Let me rephrase that. I was referring to the look in his eyes when I came to see him with a phone in my hand and _you_ waiting at the other end of the line. _That_ look. _Your_ look!"

"Oh." Jude feels like her heart is beating normally again, and yet… And yet…

"I'm sorry for the misunderstanding."

"No, it's OK, Sadie. I left him. He's free to get involved with someone else."

"Maybe, but that someone would never be me."

"It was, for a time," Jude says with a crooked smile.

"Oh yes. And we all saw how well that turned out!" Both sisters laugh. "And besides, we both know why he chose to be with me: because he felt he couldn't be with you."

Not knowing exactly why, Jude feels herself blush—deeply. Why? _Why?_ Is it because it's nice to think that deep down, in his heart of hearts, Tommy had always chosen her? "Do you… Do you know if he's moved on?"

Sadie lets go of Jude's shoulders and grabs her mug back. "First, I need to ask my question. I fulfilled my end of the deal, sister. Now you have to fulfil yours. Are you still in love with Tommy?"

_Oh god, the loaded question_, Jude thinks, staring down at her mug of coffee, stunned, even though she sort of knew that's what Sadie was going to ask. Or a semblance of it, at any rate. And of course she is; of course she loves him! And just as she had predicted, after that phone call, he'd been back haunting her dreams with the recent reminder of his husky voice making them realer than real. "I-I think a part of me will always love him," she finally settles on.

Sadie reflects on this for a moment, and then asks, "Do you want him back?"

That is one question for which Jude has no answer. She does (man, does she ever!) and she doesn't (that's the chicken-shit part of her speaking). "I don't know."

"You're sure about that?" Sadie pries with a soft voice.

"Even if I did, it's probably too late, right?" Jude asks, trying to keep a neutral tone.

Sadie takes another sip of coffee, more to give herself some time to sort out her thoughts than to enjoy the caffeinated beverage. "I don't think he's seeing anyone. Of course, G-Major is the only place where he and I socialize—and that's a generous term for what we do," she says with a crooked smile. "But Spied sort of keeps me in the loop in case… Well, in case you'd ever ask, which you never did until now. And Vin says he's got no reason to think that Tommy is involved: no phone calls, no date showing up at the studio, nothing. As far as he knows, Tommy hangs out with a few friends from time to time, mostly Kwest or even Spied himself, but otherwise, he seems to be only seeking his own company."

Jude ponders on this information for a short while, relieved and saddened at the same time. She doesn't like the idea of Tommy being lonely. She knows the kind of thoughts he can spin in his mind when he spends too much time alone. Still, a detail sparks her curiosity. "Spied and Tommy hang out?"

Sadie smiles. "A lot can change in a year, uh?"

"But that's… a major change! What's next? Tommy and Jamie hanging out?" Both sisters laugh at the thought.

"Now, I think that would cause a shift in the Earth's axis!" Sadie jokes.

"A tsunami like the world has never seen before!" Jude adds with a laugh.

"But seriously, yes, Tommy and Spied; they've actually become quite a pair."

"Wow. Spied never mentioned it."

Sadie tilts her head to the side and gives her sister a wry smile, "Oh, because you've let Spied utter Tommy's name, have you? Just like you've allowed me to update you on his whereabouts?"

Jude nods and smiles ruefully, "Touché." She then seems to become absorbed in the study of the new couch's fabric pattern.

Sadie scans her sister thoughtfully, realising that this is probably as far as they'll get on the Tommy subject for the time being. "Listen, we can definitely switch topic for now, but I hope you know you can talk to me about it anytime. OK, Jude?"

Jude smiles. "I do. And thanks, Sadie. Maybe I'll know better where I stand after tomorrow."

"Or even less," Sadie concludes quietly.

"Yeah. That, too."

To bring some levity back into their catching-up session, Sadie proceeds to tell Jude about the latest drama in Spied and Karma's marriage, and then they broach other subjects such as Jude's album and her contract. Soon, Sadie heads back to the kitchen, followed by Jude, where she prepares a quick pasta dinner. "I cooked a batch of dad's sauce this past weekend, knowing how much you love it," she tells Jude.

"Are you competing for the title of best sister in the world there, sis?" Jude jokes. "Thanks very much for doing that. That's really sweet! Have you heard from him lately?"

"Yes, just last night actually. He was thinking of taking a few days off and coming for a visit."

"Oh, that'd be so great! I haven't had a long chat with him in a while. He still has issues with the whole time difference thing, so he always ends up calling at the wrong time!"

Sadie laughs, "Yeah, that's dad all right."

"And, uh… What about mom?"

Sadie can practically hear the tension in Jude's voice. "I saw her when I was in Italy for World Instant Star. She said she left you a few messages but you never called back."

"Yeah… I just… I'm kind of at loss for words when it comes to mom. I get so uncomfortable just thinking about it. I tried calling a few times, but hung up before the first ring."

Sadie nods. "You know, I get it, Jude. I really do. Gosh, we have strange parents, don't we?"

Jude smiles. "Explains certain things about us, I guess, uh?"

* * *

After dinner, pleading exhaustion, Jude is about to turn in when she notices a strange shade through the glass of the front door, like someone is sitting on the porch. Taking the throw and wrapping it around her shoulders, she heads outside, thinking… Thinking it might be _him_. When she opens the door though, she sees that it's Jake, sitting down on the stairs, smoking a cigarette.

"Smoking? We're here one day and already, your resolve is up in smoke?" Jude grins.

"Ah, you know my affection for a good pun. Well done!"

Laughing, she sits down next to him. "How long have you been sitting here?"

"A while. I walked about a block before I realised I was too exhausted to do much exploring, but I didn't want to interrupt Sadie and you, so, well, I bought me some fags—the only brand I recognized in that bloody store—and a truly terrible coffee," he adds pointing at the now empty Styrofoam cup sitting next to him, on the side not occupied by Jude. "And well, I've been hanging out here ever since."

"Little tip from me to you, Jake: fag—doesn't quite mean the same thing on this side of the Atlantic."

"Shit, I remember reading that, too. But see I hadn't thought it would matter since I had not intended to smoke."

"What made you smoke?"

"I'm nervous, Jude."

"Nervous? About what?"

"Well, I'll be walking into a brand new label tomorrow, meeting with that scary Darius of yours. And after that, I'll be working with new musicians and a new producer who all know you very well and will probably give me the third degree—if not the fourth."

Jude reaches up to squeeze his shoulder. "Spied and Kyle, they will love you! You're a great bassist and you're a funny guy. Spied will probably mock your accent for the first few days, but then he'll get over it. And Kyle will just be so grateful to you for giving him a reprieve from Spied's mocking."

"What about Tommy?"

Jude looks down at her feet. "I don't know. I'm not sure how he'll react to seeing me, so I can't guess at how he will be with you. I know he'll be professional, but beyond that… I don't know."

"And now you understand why I'm smoking. Camels, too. Pah! Awful." He crushes the cigarette butt against the sole of his boot and throws it in the coffee cup. "How about you, love? How are you holding up?"

Jude takes a deep breath and pulls the throw tighter around her small frame. "Let's see… Just had a long chat with my sister about Tommy and my unresolved feelings for him during which I learned that all signs point to his still being single. I also learned that Spied and he are now apparently good friends, which is fine… but weird. My dad might come for a visit, which is great, but also a bit strange. My mom is probably mad that I haven't called her back in a long while, but that, I already kind of suspected. What else, what else? Oh yeah! Tomorrow, I will see Tommy for the first time in a year. So, you know: I'm doing peachy."

Jake wraps an arm around her shoulders and pulls her to him. "Ah, come on: a good night sleep and we'll both be ready to raid that G-Major of yours and take no prisoners. Well, except maybe that Tommy chap." Jude laughs. "What? A good producer can always come handy, or so I'm told."

"Sure. They're like a first aid kit!"

"Precisely. Well, since the sister catching-up is done, I think I'm going to turn in, Jude."

"Yeah, me too."

"Big day tomorrow."

"The biggest."


	8. The Ballad of Jude and Tommy

**A/N: **Thanks again, **alexusworld**, for your comments! I very much enjoy writing for Sadie. She's such an interesting character. And this chapter is all about the first meeting. That first day is not quite over yet, but I thought this was a good place to stop. I hope it lives up to your expectations! :)

Just a general note (and then I'll shut up and let you all read chapter eight): I'm a freelancer and the last few days have been quiet, as it usually happens after a long weekend. But now work is piling up, which means the next update will probably have to wait for a bit. Now, back to the story!

* * *

**Chapter Eight – The Ballad of Jude and Tommy**

Despite it all, Jude manages to get a decent night sleep and silently thanks jet-lag when she wakes up the next morning. She raises herself up to a sitting position, heart already pummelling in her chest. "Great," she mumbles, rubbing her sweaty palms against the sheets. She checks the alarm clock and sees that it's a few minutes shy of seven. "Ugh!" she cries out. A few seconds later, she hears a knock at the door. "Come in."

Sadie walks in with a coffee mug, which she holds out for Jude. "Morning," she says. "Did I hear you go 'Ugh!' just now?"

Jude takes the mug and smiles her thanks nervously. "What am I going to do, Sadie? My heart is already beating at a hundred miles an hour."

"I'll tell you what you're going to do: you're going to march right out of this bedroom, take a shower, put on some clothes, and then join us for breakfast. You'll have your—yeessh!—Pop-Tarts while I eat the delicious-smelling breakfast Jake is preparing right now. You didn't tell me he cooks! I want to keep him forever, can I?"

Jude laughs. "Sorry. I need him to finish my album. And then for my tour, _if_ there is a tour."

"There _will_ be a tour, but first: shower, breakfast, and, well… World Instant Star."

"And Tommy."

"That, too. Come on!"

"I don't know what to wear. I need your help," Jude pleads.

"No, no, no, no, no. Not this time."

"What?" Jude asks, stunned. "Since when do you pass on the opportunity to tell others what to wear?"

"Jude, you know how hard it is for me to say no to that request, but I'm afraid only you can make that decision."

"What? No! I need you."

"Here's my advice, little sister: today, wear whatever you're most comfortable in. That'll help with the first meeting. I have a whole month to pick your outfits. Today: it's all about comfort. Now, shoo!"

A quick shower later, Jude climbs down the stairs wearing a pair of jeans, a navy blue jacket over a light grey tank top, and a simple necklace of lava pearls—actually a gift from Sadie for her twentieth birthday.

She steps into the kitchen where she is greeted by a "Morning, beautiful!" from Jake who is standing at the stove, just about to slide an omelette onto a plate. Jude smiles and opens the cupboard to get her precious Pop-Tarts. "Now, are you sure I can't convince you to go for an omelette?" Jake asks.

Sadie, who's just taken a bite of hers, waves her fork in the air and says, "Take him up on his offer, Jude. This is delicious."

"Maybe some other time," Jude says; this morning, she's seeking comfort in every tiny way possible.

Once breakfast is done and everyone is ready—_or as ready as I'll ever be_, Jude muses—the trio heads for the garage. For a few minutes, Jake watches as a debate takes place between the Harrison sisters about which car to take.

"I haven't driven my Mustang in a year, Sadie!"

"Exactly. Who knows if this thing can even run still?"

"The Beetle is too cramped for the three of us."

"Well…" Sadie has to admit Jude's got her there. The backseat of her car may as well not even exist. Only kids could fit in there comfortably.

"And, if Darius lets us out early—which I think he will because he doesn't like to pack things on the first day; he'd rather come down on everyone like a ton of bricks on the second—I'd like to take Jake on a little tour, so I want to have my car."

"What about me? You'll just leave me to fend for myself at G-Major?"

"I'll come back to pick you up, silly."

"Maybe we should just take both cars, then," Sadie suggests, but Jude shakes her head. "Why? What difference does it make?"

"I need you today, Sadie."

"We can meet in the parking lot over there."

"Not good enough. Please, Sadie," Jude pleads.

When Sadie reads the faint traces of panic in her sister's eyes, she caves in. "Fine. But if I hear one cough or sputter from that engine, we're back in my car; Jake's head be damned!"

"Why my head?" Jake pipes in.

"Because Jude would fight you for shotgun, and she'd win, too," Sadie smiles.

"Well, what are we waiting for? Let's all pile up in the Mustang!" he says, nearly pushing the girls to the car.

And fortunately for Jude, the engine purrs as soon as she turns the key in the ignition. On the way to the label, Sadie and Jude point out different points of interest to Jake, but silence takes over the car during the last few minutes of the drive. Glancing at Jude from the backseat, Jake sees her knuckles are white around the steering wheel. Too far to do it himself, he taps on Sadie's shoulder and points towards Jude's hands. Wordlessly, Sadie extends a hand to grip one of Jude's. Jude chances a quick look and smiles her gratitude.

"It'll be all right, love," Jake says encouragingly.

* * *

When, flanked by Jake and her sister, Jude walks into G-Major for the first time in a year, she's of course greeted by everyone. Despite his temper, Darius knows how to keep good employees around. She smiles and waves to some people, hugs others. From his booth in Studio A, Tommy feels her presence before he sees her. He takes a moment to marvel at that. How is it even possible that he would _feel _her, and only her? Was it the animal instinct in him? Was it _her_? But one look up and he sees his body did not just react in vain. She _is_ here, and straight away, panic sets in. He needs to get the hell out of here before she can glance toward the studios and see _him_. He opens the booth door silently and slides out. Not knowing where to go, he lets his feet guide him to the men's room. He docks into a stall, closes the door and can't keep himself from punching its walls. Several times. Since he hasn't been in a fight in over a year, his knuckles hurt a little—his skin got soft. Maybe _he _got soft.

"Get a fucking grip!" he tells himself between clenched teeth, and he sinks on the toilet seat, head in hands.

Tommy remains there, alone for a while, panic still coursing through his veins. He knows he has to face her and be kind; that phone call was almost a promise that he would be. But he hadn't anticipated being affected so much. He knew it would be hard, but this reaction, he had not seen it coming. He didn't know his body would give in; would give up on him. Yet another sign that his body truly is crumbling.

The main door to the men's room opens in a quiet squeak and someone walks in. That someone marches to the counter of sinks and stops there. After a few seconds, that someone speaks up. "You're all right in there?"

Spiederman.

When Tommy offers no answer, Spied chuckles drily. "Stupid question. I saw how you hightailed out of the studio, so of course you're not."

Tommy looks up. With the door of the stall between them, he obviously can't see the visitor, but Vin's tone calls to him. He's not sure when, but he realises now that over the last few months, the two of them have become friends.

"Listen man, I'm sorry. I wish I could tell you that I know how you feel, but I don't."

Tommy sighs.

"Yeah," Spied continues. "I'm not the best at this. It's not a dude's thing or whatever, but I'm going to try. Quincy, you have no reason not to walk out there with, like, your head held high. You've done good, man. Over the last year, I mean. You've been professional, one-hundred percent committed to your work."

Spied pauses, perhaps to let his words sink in; perhaps to find the right words to continue.

"When Jude left, I—well, I guess we all did—expected you to either fall apart or revert back to the guy you used to be, you know? New date every night, booze galore. But you did neither. You took some time off, and then you came back, like, ready to work. And I got to tell you, man, when Darius first told me you'd be producing me, I wasn't thrilled at the idea. But now, I understand why Jude loved working with you. I mean, beside the obvious." Spied laughs a little.

Tommy can't help but smile at that—slightly. There was nothing like working with Jude; nothing could compare to it.

"I remember Jude telling me that you always pulled her through. And I thought maybe, like, it was just something you did for her because, well, it's _her_. But you did it for me, too. I have to say, man, it's an honour working with you. You do make me a better musician. You know how to, like, bring the best out of me. My album, it's almost done, and I don't think it would be this amazing if it wasn't for you."

Tommy is trying to say something, but he cannot find his voice.

"So, what I'm trying to say is thank you, dude." Spied pushes himself off the counter and just when he's about to exit, he stops at the door. "And remember this, Quincy: she's probably just as nervous as you. Actually, I know she _is_ just as nervous as you. But the thing is you can walk out there, proud. You're a good guy, Squinty. You really are. In fact, I think you've become the man Jude always saw in you."

Tommy smiles at the nickname. The two of them go by 'Vin' and 'Quincy' mostly when they work together, but he knows Vin let 'Squinty' slip in on purpose, to make him smile.

Tommy stays put a few minutes more, wrapped up in the silence of the stall and the room before he finds the approximate courage to get up. He walks to the mirror and glances at his reflection. He looks tired. He looks sad. And if he's honest with himself, the disease is starting to show in the pallor of his skin. He hopes she just takes it as all colours being drained from his face because of her presence, which is partially true anyway.

Taking a few calming breaths, he heads for the exit. He has to face her sooner or later, and there's also this pesky little thing called work they'll have to do together over the next month. It's nothing new, really, because he's had that fantasy in the past, but as he walks towards the main lobby, he pictures his hands wrapping around Darius' neck in a tight choke.

One more turn and he sees her. She's standing next to Sadie and a tall guy who, by the bass bag strapped on his back, he assumes is Jake; the bassist Darius hired to play with Kyle and Spied since Wally is away at university. Jude is laughing at something Jake said, but her eyes keep scanning the room and finally fall on him. His breath catches in his throat, but he keeps walking towards her, bracing himself for the rapidly approaching moment where she will overtake all his senses. Despite his shuddering breath, he forces a smile on his lips. He averts his gaze a bit to meet Spied's who gives him a short nod of encouragement.

When she sees him, Jude realises why 'feeling like the whole room is spinning' has become such a cliché—like most clichés, it's rooted in reality, because at his approach, the room _does_ get blurry and starts spinning. Voices are muffled. She's not even sure where she is anymore; all that she knows is that Tommy is walking towards her. How is it possible that she let herself forget how goddamn attractive he is, and how, whenever he's near her, it feels like everything else loses some of its colours and whatever colours are left fade slightly?

Tommy takes the last few steps while Jude moves forward as well. When they finally stand only a few feet apart, Tommy freezes on the spot, not sure he can get any closer. She gives him a shy smile and closes the gap for him. Without saying a word, she wraps her arms around his neck and presses her body against his. Tommy slides one arm around her waist and holds her closer. "Hi," she whispers in his ear.

"Hi, Jude," he replies, saying her name out loud to convince himself that she is here; that this is _her_ body pressed up against his. But soon, the proximity of her, the intimacy of their embrace, the smell of her are all too much to take. He pulls out of the hug and takes a step back. "It's good to see you," he says in a thick voice. She's looking at him with those big and beautiful blue eyes of hers and he has no other choice but to look away. He turns his attention to Jake and extends his hand. "Hi, you must be Jake."

Jake steps forward and shakes Tommy's hand. "You are a correct. And you must be Tommy."

"I am. It's nice to meet you."

"The pleasure is mine. I look forward to working with you over the next few weeks," Jake says in an enthusiastic tone.

"Same here," Tommy replies pulling his hand back, not quite knowing what to do with it—or with himself, really. He shoves both hands into his jeans pockets and, through their own volition, his eyes shift back to Jude. His gaze proceeds to caress her eyes, her hair, her lips, her neck and throat, and then glides down all the way to her feet only to come right back up to rest on her face. On her mouth—her mouth… He shakes his head slightly, turning back to Jake and smiling uncomfortably. "I suppose you've met Kyle and Vin already," he says, pointing to the two musicians standing not too far off. When Spied gets closer to Tommy, Tommy reaches up and squeezes his shoulder before shoving his hand back in his pocket. They exchange a quick look; a look probably missed by all except for Jude.

"Yes, I have. As predicted by Jude, this one," Jake says, motioning his head towards Spied, "already mocked my accent twice, which I suppose means he's already half in love with me."

While Spied attempts to protest, Tommy laughs a little. "You'll fit right in."

"Thanks, mate," Jake answers with a smile.

Meanwhile, Jude is mute, taking in the sight of Tommy, not missing that long lingering look he gave to her lips; catching the nervousness in the way he stands, hands in his pockets; noticing the paleness—no, the _pallor_—of his skin despite the slashes of searing red currently crossing his cheeks. _What's wrong? _she wonders. _It can't just be because of me, can it? _She's stirred from her thoughts by Sadie's hand squeezing hers.

"Yeah," she says to Jake, not recognizing her own voice. "Soon enough, you'll be ganging up with them against me."

"Ah, come on, Lady Harrison," comes Spied's voice. "We would never!"

"I distinctly remember every single prank you pulled on me in that tour bus."

"Pranks?" Jake utters, rubbing his hands together. "Now, I like the sound of that!"

"Well then, wait until you hear this!"

While Spied and Kyle pull Jake a little to the side and proceed to treat him to some of the choicest tales from the tour, Jude turns to Tommy and asks, "How are you, Tommy?"

He's about to reply a short "Fine" with a quick smile, but when he sees the solemn look in her eyes, he realises she's noticed something's off. He should not have underestimated her keen attention to details. So he chooses partial frankness. "Honestly, I'm a little tired. The last few weeks have been very busy. I have a feeling I'll be sleeping for a week straight once this is all over," he concludes with a short laugh. He glances at Sadie, as if silently asking for her support. She gets the message.

"Yes, I've seen your schedule. I actually intend to talk to Darius about letting you have a day off or two in the midst of all that."

"Nah, it's OK, Sadie. I'll manage."

"I think we'll _all_ need it, Tom. I'll make sure we get some time off right before the last week. That week will be a marathon! You'll have a whole show to put together every night."

Tommy is about to protest again, worried he might appear weak, but he realises Sadie is right. He will need some time off—more than anyone.

"Well, thanks, Sadie. I appreciate that." His eyes are drawn back to Jude like she's a magnet (and maybe she is). "And how are _you_? Had a good flight over?"

"Fine. Pretty uneventful flight. Departed on time and landed on time. Maybe that in itself is an event, actually," she says with a smile, though she's not satisfied with his answer. _Is it only fatigue? _she wonders. But they are interrupted by a young woman carrying an instrument bag before she can decide whether or not she should pry further.

"Hey, Quincy! Sorry to interrupt, but it's studio time."

"Oh, hey, Kiera," Tommy says glancing at his watch. "Indeed, it is."

"Whoa," comes Jake's voice. "Is that an electronic cello you're carrying?" he asks Kiera.

"Good eye," she replies.

"You record here?"

"Well… yeah, that's kind of why I'm here."

Jake smiles sheepishly. "You know: I'll blame that stupid comment on the jet-lag, if that's perfectly all right with you."

Smiling, Kiera extends her hand. "Hi, I'm Kiera."

"Jake."

"Jude, Jake: my office. Now," Darius' booming voice clips in.

Jude turns in the direction of the voice and replies a "Coming, D." When her eyes come back to Tommy, he averts his gaze.

"Was that the voice of god?" Jake asks, and the whole group laughs.

"Close enough," Jude says.

"Damn. I never thought I would say this ever, but that man is scarier than Nicola."

"He's… different. But he does expect his orders to be followed," Jude replies.

"Shit, I wanted to hear that cello."

"Well," Tommy chimes in, "Darius also keeps his meetings brief. So once you're done, if you want, have Jude show you to Studio A. We're recording the vocals today, but Kiera still has to listen to what I've done with the instrument tracks on her latest song. With any luck, you'll get to hear the tentative final product."

"Wicked! Then, what are we waiting for, love?" Jake says, turning to Jude. "Let's get that meeting over with!" Then, turning back to Kiera and Tommy, he adds, "If I get out of there alive, I'm definitely coming over after."

Tommy nods with a smile and, unavoidably, his gaze is drawn back to Jude—Jude who's looking at him with a grateful smile. He nods his head to her as well, smiling faintly, and says, "See you soon, then."

Jake and Jude head towards Darius' office, followed by Tommy's gaze. Once she's out of sight, Tommy turns to Kiera and says, "Come on."

As they walk to Studio A, Kiera says, "So now I know who Jude is."

"Yes, you do."

"She's the woman you love."

Despite the initial urge he feels to deny it, Tommy, still stunned by their first contact in person in a year, simply replies, "Yes."


	9. Inside

*Song by: Unkle – _Inside_*

Jude's input is "correcting" the song to make it what it actually is in real life. If you're curious to hear it, it can be found on that website that lets you watch videos (_wink wink_). I recommend the long version.

* * *

**Chapter Nine – Inside**

Jude and Jake enter Darius' office and for a split second, she feels like she just stepped back into the past; even expecting Tommy to be standing next to her instead of Jake. But the moment fades as she takes a seat. She can't help but notice the parallels with her last meeting with Nicola: here she is again, sitting down to keep her nerves in check.

"It's good to see you again, Jude."

She nods. "I guess you had to miss me a whole lot to pull that number behind my back, D."

Darius grins. "You know I always go after what I want, and I usually get it. Besides, you're the one who signed that contract, and—"

Jude raises her hand to stop him. "Let's not get into it. I apologize for bringing it up. It won't do any good. It's a done deal at this point."

Darius arches a brow, taken a little aback by her maturity on the subject. A tiny sliver of pride worms itself inside of him, but he lets it slide, unvoiced, for now. He _did _pull a fast one on her; she certainly doesn't care to hear how proud he is of her right now. "Very good." Turning to Jake, he says, "I'm glad to have you onboard, Jake. I've heard good things about you."

Rendered a tad speechless, Jake can only give a short answer, "I'll do my best, sir."

"Darius or D. I don't go by _sir_. Well, most of the time," he smiles. "So, Jude. I assume Sadie already told you about the compilation?" Jude nods. "Good. Other than that, the full schedule will be distributed tomorrow, at the first group meeting. You'll be expected to perform a few songs during the final week—only past hits, so that shouldn't be a problem. For the compilation, however, I expect a new song. You can do a cover if you want, but I'd really prefer an original."

_Of course he would_, Jude thinks, already pondering on which song she could use from her new album. It could be a great opportunity to test out a potential single.

"But it can't be a song from your new album. It has to be truly an original. An _exclusive_," he says, flashing that million-buck smile of his.

_Oh_. "Can I think about it?"

"Of course. The recording will only start next week. And if you manage to come up with something new, well, I'll want you to perform it during the last week, obviously."

"Obviously," she echoes; her voice tight.

"For now, you should focus on practicing with Vincent and Kyle. Help Jake acclimate," he says, focussing his eyes on Jake. "I'm sure it will go very smoothly, Jake, but there are always adjustments when a new member comes into a band."

"Not to worry. I'm well aware of that, si-Darius."

"Well, that's it for now!" Darius says, standing up and going around his desk to stand before Jude. She gets up as well and he opens his arms to pull her into a hug. She hugs him back haft-heartedly. "Ah, come on, Jude," he says, pulling back. "Aren't you at least a little glad to see me?" he asks, flashing another signature grin.

Jude smiles. "A little."

"I'll take what I can get. Group meeting. Tomorrow. Nine o'clock sharp."

"Got it," she replies, motioning to Jake to head for the door.

As soon as Jude closes the door back behind them, Jake lets out a "Phew!" Jude gives him a small smile. "So that was Darius."

"Yeah. What do you reckon: quickest meeting ever?"

"Oh, I've seen D have shorter meetings."

"Wow. So, what are you going to do about that song?"

She shrugs. "I'm not sure. I don't like to cover other people's material, but I'm not sure I can come up with a new song by next week. My inspiration is a bit… fleeting these days."

"Hmmm… Or perhaps a bit too focussed? On a certain someone?"

Jude looks down at her boots. "Yeah. Maybe."

"Well, I could help you, you know? In fact, I'd be happy to!" he says, nudging her with his shoulder.

"You know, I may take you up on that."

"All you have to do is ask," he smiles.

"I guess I should take you to Studio A now," she says, eyes still cast down.

Slipping a hand under her chin to lift her head up, Jake says, "Listen, as much as I'm really curious to hear what kind of music Kiera is creating with that cello, I can always figure out a way to hear it later. Want to split? Go out and paint the town? _Is_ there something to paint in Toronto?"

She smiles. A part of her does want to leave. She can still feel Tommy's lingering gaze on her mouth, and the turmoil it awakened inside of her—a turmoil that's raging still at the mere thought of it. She had forced physical contact with him. And despite the way he had looked at her (she knew him well enough to read the emotions in his eyes—partially, at least), she is very much aware that he had only wrapped one arm around her. Maybe it's too soon to be back in the booth with him, maybe she's not ready—though when would she ever feel ready?

Yet, another part of her has to hold back from rushing to Studio A to be with him again. As she's standing there, trying to decide, her hands are itching to touch him; even in the simplest of touches; caressing his forehead, his cheek or simply holding his hand, feeling the pressure of his fingers around hers. _Oh god_, she wails inside, _I'm in deep, deep trouble._

"I won't lie: it'll be difficult to step into that studio again. Tommy and I… We shared so many memories there. But you heard Darius: I'll have to record a new song with Tommy next week. Might as well break the ice now. Besides, I'm mildly curious myself," she adds with a little smile.

"I promise to restrain you should you feel any… urges. Then again, maybe I won't," Jake winks.

"Don't start," Jude warns, shaking her finger.

"All right. Lead the way."

* * *

Standing nervously in front of the door to the booth, Jude raises her fist mid-air, but cannot seem to bring herself to knock. "Let me," Jake says and knocks. A few seconds later, they hear three knocks in response. Jake looks at Jude quizzically.

"It means to wait," she says. "He's in the middle of something and he will open the door once he's done."

"Well, look at you, Jude Bond, and your secret codes," Jake smirks.

"Let's just say I used to barge in a little too enthusiastically at times, so Tommy came up with this idea to… keep the peace," she smiles.

"Ah." Jake studies her face a moment; her cheeks are painted with a light shade of red, her lower lip is caught between her teeth, and there's something in her eyes he's never seen before. He glances down and sees her nervously twisting her hands this way and that. Of course, he wants to ask how she feels, but he realises that this is not a discussion to have when only a door separates them from the main topic at hand. He's trying to find something encouraging to tell her, but comes up empty. And then it's too late: the door opens.

"Sorry. Come on in."

Jude walks in first but stands nervously by the door, averting her eyes to let them fall on Jake. Seeing her in that state, Tommy is guided purely by instincts; he reaches out and almost—almost—grabs her waist to pull her onto his lap, but he stops himself just in time, making fists with his hands and turning away, towards the studio, flushed. Though the slip goes unnoticed by Jude, Jake and Kiera catch it in full. They exchange a look, and Jake, a romantic to the bone, feels a wave of sadness sweep through him. The tension in the booth could be sliced with a knife, and Jake realises it's up to him to break it, but he's not sure how.

He walks to the opposite wall to put his bass down and when he turns back, Jude is still standing tensely by the door. There's a second chair next to Tommy, and when he snaps back to reality, he realises they are short of a seat.

"Here," he says, standing up. "Take my seat, Jude."

Aware that this solution lacks any kind of logic (_Tommy needs to work, for crap's sake!_), Jake looks through the window, almost silently imploring Kiera's help, and she, in turn, points to a stool next to her. "No, no. Jude, take this empty chair," he rushes to say before motioning towards the window. "I'll go grab the stool Kiera is offering so kindly."

He steps out of the booth and into the studio, walking towards Kiera. "Bloody hell, there's a tension in there like you wouldn't believe."

"Trust me: I can feel it all the way over here."

"You know, I really believe that. Something has to be done about these two," he says, lifting the stool up.

"Yes. But what?" Kiera asks, looking at the booth where Jude is finally sitting down.

In the meantime, on the other side of the glass, Tommy seems transfixed by the series of buttons and controls of the soundboard in front of him. "I'm sorry this is weird."

"It's not your fault. We just need… to get used to it, I guess," she replies, eyes glued to her lap.

Jake comes back in and sets the stool down right between them, though a little bit behind, closer to the back wall. "So," he begins in an effort to break the silence "what's next?"

"Uh. Well, actually, we're just about to start working on the vocals," Tommy says, straightening up. The producer in him takes over the helpless man he currently is and he focuses again on what needs to be done while trying to forget who is sitting just a mere few feet away from him. He reaches out for the intercom button and brings the mic closer to his face. "Ready, Kiera?"

"Ready," she replies.

"I'll put on my headphones to make sure I hear everything, but I'll run the playback in the speakers too so you guys can hear," Tommy says pushing a few controls.

An atmospheric music starts to play. Jude lifts her head and pricks up her ears. She recognizes various instruments aside from the cello, but she also hears samplings. Tommy's work?

Then Kiera begins to sing:

_*Something's gone_

_This can't go on_

_It's all been wrong_

_For far too long_

_Through all these tears_

_No light appears_

_And all that trust_

_Has turned to dust_

_So one thing's clear_

_I wanna hear_

_I wanna hear_

_So break on through_

_For something true_

_Cause love's confused_

_And love does see – aaahhh_

_Sense in all of this – aaahhh_

_Something's got to give – aaahhh_

_Aaahhh_

_Aaahhh_

_Aaahhh_

_Aaahhh_

_Aaahhh_

_Aaahhh_

_Aaahhh_

_Aaahhh_

_Aaahhh_

_In time_

_You'll find_

_In time_

_You'll find_

_You don't wanna see_

_You don't wanna see_

_You don't wanna see_

_You don't wanna see_

_You don't wanna see inside of me_

_Aaahhh_

_Aaahhh_

_Aaahhh_

_Aaahhh*_

While Tommy listens intently, pushing knobs and controls here and there, Jude's gaze stays fixed on him. The music is beautiful, and the words… Jude feels like the words were written for them, and not only for them, but for them in this exact moment; for them in this very booth. She knows of course that it's impossible. Those words are Kiera's, and they are hers and hers alone. And maybe someone else's. _Maybe Tommy's? _The unwelcomed thought springs up suddenly in her mind, but she pushes it away. Biting her lower lip, she feels more and more like Alice in the rabbit hole: falling down further and further until the earth swallows her whole.

One line suddenly catches her attention and, without even realising what she's doing, she opens her purse to take out her journal and she scribbles it down, liking it.

When the song ends, Tommy removes his headphones and presses on the intercom button again. "It's good, Kiera. It's very good. But the bridge is missing something. Your vocalizing in that part, it's amazing, but it feels… Lonely. I know that's what you're going for, but it's… _Too_ lonely."

Jude, her eyes still on Tommy, is trying to shake the fear and stupor leaving her tongue-tied. A year later and here she is, wanting just as badly as ever to work with Tommy, to share her ideas with him; hoping to see that light that sparks in his eyes when one of her ideas hits his bull's-eye. Seeking his approval, but not like her fifteen-year-old self did, no. It's the grown-up musician—the woman—that's craving to see Tom Quincy admire her input. Oh, how she's missed him! But finally, she shakes off the fear and speaks up, "I might have an idea."

Tommy turns his head to her and, without saying a word, his hand reaches out to the mic to move it closer to Jude's mouth. He nods quickly, giving her the floor. On the other side of the glass, Kiera's eyes focus on Jude.

"Well, you know that very last line at the end, before the last string of vocalises? Uh…" She looks down at the journal on her lap. "_You don't wanna see inside of me_."

"You don't like it?" Kiera asks in an even but friendly voice, clearly curious to hear what Jude has to say.

"I love it. I think you should use it in the bridge as well." Jude proceeds to demonstrate what she means by singing it herself. "Like this: _Aaahhh, you don't wanna see, you don't wanna see, inside of me. Aaahhh, you don't wanna see, you don't wanna see, inside of me._ And so forth."

Smiling, Tommy shakes his head slightly. _Damn, that girl is amazing! _She's solved it. Nailed it. Of course she did. He looks up to Kiera and sees that she agrees with his conclusion.

"I like this idea a lot, Jude," Kiera says then shifts her gaze to Tommy, "But we'd need to record part of it as back vocals, no? Either the vocalises or the line."

Tommy reaches out to bring the mic back to him and answer when Jake pipes in, "Perhaps Jude could do it? Her voice and Kiera's voice… That would be grand."

Jude grins. "I'd be game for that."

"What's that?" Kiera asks; Jake being too far from the mic to allow her to hear what he said.

"Jake suggested that Jude does the back vocals for you." Tommy's eyes return on Jude. He smiles mirthlessly, thinking how right (if somewhat unnerving) it feels to have Jude sitting in the booth next to him, but unhappy about what he has to tell her next. "Well, that might be a problem. Jude, you're… well, for lack of a better word, you're on loan here." Jude winces at the word. "I know. That's the word Darius used. I'm not exactly fond of it myself," he says looking down at his hands before bringing his gaze back on her. "But what it means is that there are certain rules to follow. Darius can have you record for the World Instant Star compilation, and of course, you own your back catalogue," (_Thanks to you_, Jude thinks.) "so you can perform any of those songs live or you could record them again if you wished, but, well… That's it."

Jude casts her eyes down and takes a frustrating breath, which hits Tommy right through the heart. He hates this. That's the last thing he wanted for Jude. That's why he had gotten so angry when Darius told him about her coming to G-Major for a month. After all her hard work, all that she'd been through, he couldn't believe she was back to that: being a pawn, being on fucking loan.

"Oh, I see," she says, trying to appear unfazed.

Tommy has to fight with all his might the urge to reach out and grab her hand or—worse—caress her face soothingly. He feels Jake's gaze burning through the two of them and he has to turn his head away. "I'm sorry. I know this sucks."

"It's not your fault." _It's mine_, she thinks.

A heavy silence sets in the booth, making Jake squirm a little on his stool until an idea strikes him. "Unless…" Jude looks up to him. "Unless you record under a _nom de plume_," he says.

"A what?"

"A pseudonym," Tommy says.

"Oh, like the Beatles and the Stones did to hide that they actually got along despite all the rumours of rivalry?"

"Precisely. If you record under a fake name, even if the folks back at Bermondsey hear this track and recognize your voice, they cannot do a bloody thing about it."

Jude turns to Tommy. "He's right," he says. "But it also means you get no rights or royalties."

"Well, that's OK. I wouldn't want that anyway. This is Kiera's song. And it's beautiful," she adds, turning to Kiera who smiles her thanks. "I'm just happy to be a part of it, if she'll let me."

"After I've just heard your voice, you bet I want you to!"

Jude smiles. "Let's do it then!"

She hops off her chair and is already halfway to the door when Tommy calls out a "Wait!" Afraid he might be changing his mind; Jude looks back at him, her eyes already pleading. "Er... uh," Tommy stutters. He pulls a drawer open and reaches inside to grab another pair of headphones. "You'll need this, Harrison." The nickname slips on its own and pleases Jude in a way she couldn't even describe. Excited, she reaches out and her fingers brush his. She feels the spark all the way through the pit of her stomach. Looking at him, it's clear he felt it, too. He gives her a crooked smile. "Go do your magic, rock star," he says; his voice raspy.

Jude smiles in return—the first frank smile she's addressed to him that day. Tommy can't help but to pay it back with a sincere smile of his own. "So," he says. "What fake name do you want to use?"

She shrugs. "I'll let you come up with it."

In the studio, Jude plugs in the headphones and quickly brings a stool to the second mic on the right of Kiera. Tommy gets up to go and adjust it for her, but she manages it easily on her own. Kiera hands her the music sheet with the alterations she just made by hand, and Jude sits, ready to record. Tommy sits back down on his side of the glass, eyes fastened on her. His gaze remains there while he blindly pushes the button for the playback and the controls to record the vocals.

Jude has one line to sing, one single line to repeat, and every time she does, her eyes are fixed on Tommy. _You don't wanna see, you don't wanna see, inside of me. _Funnily enough, he feels like he can see everything and he fears it might be the same for her. How the hell is he going to find the courage to tell her the truth?

When the first take is done, though it's nearly perfect, Tommy has a sneaking suspicion he can't fully trust his ears right now, so he says, "Again". It's only when he presses the controls for the second take that he notices that Jake took the seat next to his. They share a look but exchange no words.

They record a few takes, but it's clear that Kiera and Jude are nailing the vocals, and so they wrap it up. The girls come into the booth. Tommy congratulates them for a job well done; Kiera thanks Jude for her input and her vocal contribution; Jude says her goodbyes quickly and heads for the door, followed by Jake who waves on his way out.

As soon as the door of the booth closes on them, Tommy brings his head down between his hands. Rubbing his temples, he mumbles, "Fuck." Not knowing what to say, Kiera squeezes his shoulder silently, then slips back into the studio to gather her things, knowing instinctively that they are done for the day.

* * *

Jude and Jake walk silently to Studio B to meet with Kyle and Spied. Jude is more than willing to jam with the boys, to distract her mind with music, jokes and banters, but she also feels the overwhelming urge to get out of G-Major. She walks in the studio first and when Spied turns to the door, he instantly recognizes the stunned expression on her face. He throws a questioning look at Jake standing behind Jude, and the bassist simply mouths "Tommy". Spied nods.

"Hey dude, want to get out of here and go jam in my rehearsal space?"

"_Your_ rehearsal space?" Jude quips, one brow raised.

"Well, yeah. I took over your lease, remember?" he winks.

Smiling, she replies: "Let's go."

As soon as she turns on her heels, Spied takes his phone out of his pocket and shoots a quick text message to Kwest: _Call Tom_.


	10. Aftermath

**A/N: **There's not _that_ much happening in this chapter, but I still like it. I hope you do, too. Feel free to drop me a line. It's always nice to hear from you. :)

* * *

**Chapter Ten – Aftermath**

For the first time in a few months, Tommy finds himself craving a drink badly. And the urge is made worse by the fact that it's manifesting itself before noon. Of course, several pain points in his body are responsible for the hankering. The relentless throb on his right side the painkillers manage to quiet down but never to stop completely. The headache in his temples brought on by a night almost devoid of any sleep. The pang in his chest caused by… Jude.

The tension; he still felt it between them, like she's never left, like she's never rejected him. _It's not you she rejected_, Sadie had said. Maybe not, but the end result had been the same: she had slipped out of his life. So how was it possible that in this booth, only moments ago, it had felt like no time had passed? How was it possible that he wanted her now just as much as ever?

When he finally looks up and comes back to the present moment, he realises Kiera is gone. They were supposed to be recording for most of the day. She had brought her cello to get started on a new song.

He takes his phone out of his pocket and starts to type. "I'm sorry."

"I understand," comes her reply.

"I'll make it up to you."

"I know you will."

He will make it up to her, but when? His schedule for the next month is a nightmare. It's so bad; he had refused to show it to his physician, which only convinced her it was probably completely inappropriate. Even with the constant discomfort always humming faintly below the surface or turning into point-blank pain minutes before the next dose (_Is it still minutes? _a voice asks. _Shouldn't you say a good half hour at this point? _Maybe.); even with the medication he has to take every day; even with all the changes he's noticed in his body; most of the time, he does a good job at ignoring the facts. _Not for long still_, the voice adds. He knows this to be true, and yet he's not ready to face it, even less so now that _she_'s here.

Just then, as if on cue, another message comes in: "Your Jude: she's amazing."

_She's not mine._ "I know," he types. "I know," he says out loud in the booth.

His phone rings in his hand. Kwest. He presses _Talk_ and answers with a faint "Hey."

"That bad, uh? Let's do lunch."

"Kwest, it's like eleven am."

"So what? Let's do early lunch."

"You have work. You can't keep leaving things off for me. Then you wind up having to play catch up like a madman."

"So what?" he repeats. "Lunch. BQM. I'm leaving right now."

Tom laughs quietly. "OK. Thanks, man."

"Anytime. See you soon."

* * *

"Well, I see Karma's been at work here," Jude says in a mocking tone as soon as they walk in the rehearsal space, though deep down, she feels a wave of relief. The space looks quite different from what it used to be—even the walls have been painted! In the car on the way over, she was gnawed by the fear that she was running from the memories G-Major held only to be greeted soon by the onslaught of even more intimate memories linked to the rehearsal space. But now that she's here, she can rest easy. The space doesn't feel like hers anymore; it feels a little bit like Spied's and a lot like Karma's.

"What did you expect? Karma… it goes around and around and _around_!" Kyle jokes while Spied looks slightly embarrassed.

"It's not that big of a deal. And, like, it makes her happy. So, whatever."

"Will I get to meet the illustrious wife?" Jake asks.

"Yeah, dude. At the meeting tomorrow. Jude didn't tell you that Karma is also a past Instant Star winner?"

"Remarkably enough, Jude hasn't elaborated much on the whole Instant Star part of her career," Jake says, winking at Jude.

Holding in her hand the guitar case retrieved from the trunk of the Mustang, Jude walks to the corner where a drum kit is set up. "You'll get to see _all_ of it in the flesh tomorrow, and for the next few weeks after that. Trust me: that'll last you a lifetime." Then, turning to Spied and Kyle, she asks, "Do you know if Mason will be there?"

"I think so," Kyle says.

"That's great! And," she shudders, "what about Milo?"

"The big D. likes to pretend that dude never happened, so I doubt it," Spied chuckles.

"Well, that's a relief."

"Who's Milo?" Jake asks.

"You don't want to know," the answer comes in a trio of voices.

"Ooooh-K. Pretend I never asked."

"Other than that, it'll be all the winners from the semi-finals of the last months," Spied adds.

"Have you met any of them?" Jude asks.

"Not yet. I think most of them flew in the day before you arrived, but Darius didn't bring them at G-Major yet."

"Wow," Jude muses. "This Finale, it's going to be huge."

"No, Jude: it's going to be _grand_," Jake says with a wink, and they all chuckle.

They begin setting up, plugging the instruments and mics in. Spied steps closer to Jude and, while pretending to be deeply focussed on tuning up his guitar, he asks, "So… how did it go with Quincy?"

"I don't really want to talk about it."

"That bad?"

"No, no, it wasn't bad. It was… familiar. _Too_ familiar. I'm sure you can read between the lines."

"But—"

"Spied, I _don't_ want to talk about it! Can we just play some music?" she cries out in frustration.

"Whoa. Sorry."

Jude sighs, shaking her head. "No, no. I'm the one who's sorry. It's just that… It's been an intense morning. Right now, I just want to clear my mind and jam. Think we could swing that?"

"Sure, dude," he says, giving her a quick hug. Jude finishes setting up while Jake grabs a folder of music sheets from the front pocket of his bass bag. "Dude? Music sheets? Really?" Spied asks.

"Well, I'm afraid I don't know Jude's entire back catalogue yet. I got started on it when I was informed about the gig, but that was only two short weeks ago, and—"

"He's pulling your leg, Jake. You'll learn soon enough not to pay attention to half of what Vin says."

"I resent that, Kyle: it should be a _third_ of what I say. Come on! Play fair," Spied says with a grin.

"When you two are done harassing my poor bassist, can we get started?" Jude smirks.

"Whenever you're ready," Spied says.

Jude's head bobs in surprise. "Whenever _I'm_ ready?" She looks at Spied but he's averting his gaze. She turns to Kyle who squirms a little on his drummer stool, but he finally gives her an answer, "Well, Jude… We're not sure which songs you're OK to play today given… well, the T situation."

Jude looks down at her boots. "Oh." _Great. I'm making everyone walk on eggshells around me. _She lifts her eyes to Jake who smiles encouragingly. She smiles in return. "How about _My Sweet Time_?"

"Perfect choice!" Jake replies enthusiastically. The rest of the group eyes him curiously. "What? I actually know that one. Let's do it, lads!"

"_Lads_?" Spied mocks with a laugh.

"You're right, you're right. Pardon me for my poor vocabulary. It will be all _dudes_ and _likes_ and _whatevers_ from now on," Jake says, barely holding back a grin.

Kyle bursts out laughing. "Hey! I like this guy!"

Jude throws a look at Jake that plainly says, _See: I told you_. Then, looking at Kyle with a smile, she says, "Come on, Kyle. Count us down."

* * *

Though it's barely twenty past eleven when they sit down in a booth in the diner, Kwest, armed with his usual appetite, orders a massive burger topped with onion rings and bacon and a side order of fries. To keep him company, Tommy orders a classic burger even if he suspects he won't eat much of it.

Kwest wastes no time in preambles and goes straight for the kill. "How was it?"

"It was… harder than I thought it would be," Tommy says, still shaken up.

Kwests raises an eyebrow. "Really? How so?"

"I panicked. I darted to the men's room like an idiot."

"Did she see you?"

"No, but Vin did."

"Yeah, he texted me to call you."

"I figured as much," Tommy says before taking a big swig of water.

"And then what happened? You didn't stay in the men's room the whole time, did you?"

"No, man. I went up to her, and she… she hugged me. Feeling her against me, Kwest, it was…" Tommy lapses with a sigh.

Kwest nods. "I can imagine. How did she look?"

"Beautiful."

Kwest smiles. "Well, that was obvious, coming from you. But I mean, did she look nervous? Happy to see you? What?"

Tommy chuckles. "Tell me: when did we become guys who talk about their _feelings_? Cause that's a new development in our friendship, and I'm not sure I like it," he jokes, trying to untie the many knots in his nerves.

Kwest chortles in response. "I don't know. But here we are. So? How was she? Other than beautiful, I mean?" he smiles.

"She seemed nervous. I think she's happy; at least she was until I explained to her the fine print of her stay here."

"What do you mean?"

"She realised she's not free to record whatever she wants, whenever she wants. I still can't believe that provision in her contract. I feel like it's my fault."

"How is it your fault?" Kwest asks with a frown.

"She signed it so fast to get away from me; she didn't take the time to read it in full. Or, better yet, to have a lawyer read it in full."

Ignoring the self-depreciating remark, Kwest asks, "How did she find out about the limits of her contract?"

"Oh, she wanted to record some back vocals for Kiera."

"She—" Kwest is interrupted by the waiter bringing their plates. While he pours a generous serving of ketchup on his burger and fries, he continues: "She was in your studio? _Today_?"

"She would've turned up there eventually. Next week, in fact," Tommy says, eyeing his burger warily. _I don't think I can eat_, he thinks.

"True, but now I understand why today was harder than you expected," Kwest says before taking a big bite. He chews and swallows while Tommy attempts a bite of his own. "Did you meet her new bassist?"

"Yeah, yeah."

"And?" he asks, his mouth already full of a second bite.

"Not much to say. He seems like a nice guy. Tall. Funny." _And maybe he knows Jude intimately_, he muses. _Not that it's any of my business. _And yet, his heart claims otherwise.

"You think you'll work well together?" Kwest asks in an effort to give Tommy a reprieve from the heart of the matter.

"I think so. He seemed easy-going; he was already joking with Vin and Kyle."

"That's good," Kwest says chewing on a mouthful of fries while Tommy takes a tentative second bite of his burger, regretting it almost instantly. He empties his glass of water and motions to the waiter for more. "No appetite, uh?" Kwest says while trying to hide how worried he is.

Tommy smirks. "It's early, Kwest. I'm OK."

And suddenly, Kwest feels like he's got no easy subject to fall back on; between the disease and Jude, there's no safe path, so he just gets back to the main reason why they're having an early lunch. "How was it to have Jude in your studio again?"

"It was… intense. All the mechanisms, the reflexes: they came back. Kwest, I almost pulled her onto my lap when she walked in the booth, looking so uncomfortable. Instinctively, I just wanted to chase that discomfort away and to hold her against me." Tommy stops and looks away with a glazed expression. Kwest stays silent, letting his friend sort out his thoughts. "She's only been back in my life for a few hours and already, I…" He shakes his head, refusing to finish that thought.

Kwest swallows another bite before asking the double-whammy of a question; hitting both sore spots at once. "T, if you weren't sick, would you be trying to get her back right now?"

Tommy sighs, pushing his barely-touched plate away. He lifts his head to meet Kwest's eyes. "If I wasn't sick, I think I would've tried a long time ago."

* * *

After a lunch of greasy, cheesy pizza, followed by another intense jam session with the boys—as well as Spied and Jude playing some of their new material for one another—Jude receives a text message from Sadie.

"Looks like Sadie is ready to go home. Wow! I can't believe it's almost six already."

Jude and Jake pack up their instruments before they say their goodbyes and head for the car. When they get to G-Major, Jude texts her sister to avoid going back in for the time being. The car ride home is silent and a tad heavy. When they walk back into the house, Jude goes right for the stairs, but Sadie grabs her arm gently.

"Jude—"

"I can't talk about it, Sadie," she interrupts. "Not today. I… I just really need some time alone, OK?"

Sadie nods without saying a word while Jude rushes upstairs to barricade herself in her bedroom. Sadie and Jake walk in the living room and let themselves sink on the couch.

"So," Jake begins, "what's the plan? How do we get those two on their way back to each other?"

Sadie shakes her head. "We don't. I tried to get involved in the past; I vowed to never do that again. We have to let them find their own way to one another."

"Sadie: you were not there when we went to meet him at Studio A. You were not in that booth today. I mean—"

"Let me guess," she interrupts. "It was intense?"

"Yeah."

"Tension so thick you could actually see it, hanging in the air?"

"Yeah."

"The way he looked at her actually gave _you_ goose bumps?"

"Well, yeah. That was bloody freaky!"

"They stared at each other when they thought the other one wasn't looking?"

"Yeah."

"Did they touch each other?"

"Briefly. Well, he almost pulled her to him, but stopped himself at the last second. But their fingers touched when he handed her a pair of headphones."

"And you could almost see a bolt of lightning zapping them both?"

"Yeah."

"Welcome to Jude and Tommy, Jake," Sadie says with a light smile.

"It's always been this way?"

"All four years of their on-again, off-again relationship. Of course, I was blind to it over the first year because I wanted to be, but yes."

"Then why on earth did she break up with him?" he asks, more confused than ever now that he's met Tommy and seen the connection they share.

"Well… Tommy was not exactly the most stable guy. There were a lot of skeletons in his closet, and he wasn't forthcoming with any of them. Plus, he tended to bail when things got rough or to push Jude away; to protect her, mostly, but the end result was still heartbreak."

"But then, he proposed."

"Yes, after a particularly chaotic few months. They had just gotten back together. I think Tommy mostly wanted to prove that this time, he was in for the long haul."

"And do you think he was?"

Sadie takes a moment to think about it. "Now, after seeing how focussed and serious Tommy has been for the last year, I want to say yes, but back then, I wasn't so convinced myself. I didn't want Jude to get hurt again. Evidently, neither did she."

Jake runs a hand through his hair, "But these two, they love each other; I mean, _really_, _really_ love each other. You're sure there's nothing we can do to help them find their way to one another?"

"Well," Sadie says reaching for his hand and pressing it lightly, "we can be there for Jude; something I think you're already doing very well. Actually, I think I will go up and see her now, despite her warning that she wanted to be alone. Maybe she's ready to talk now. Otherwise, I guess I'll risk getting my head bitten off."

Jake nods. "I'll get dinner started."

"That's it!" Sadie says with a laugh. "I'm kidnapping you in a month!"

Jake laughs while she heads for the stairs.

* * *

"Jude," Sadie says, knocking on the door. "Jude," she calls again when her sister doesn't answer. "I'm coming in."

Sadie steps into the room and sees Jude curled up on her bed, her back to the door. She could've been fooled into thinking Jude was asleep but the trembling of her shoulders tells her otherwise. She walks around the bed and bends down in front of Jude. "Oh, sweetie: it's going to be OK," she says, brushing the hair away from her face and, in doing so, also wiping away some of her tears.

Jude shakes her head and the tears keep rolling. Sadie stands up and sits on the bed. She lifts up Jude gently, pulls her head onto her lap and starts stroking her hair soothingly. "What happened?" she asks, though she already learned pretty much all that she needed to know from her conversation with Jake.

"I-I should've called," comes Jude's shaky reply.

"That's in the past, Jude. Focus on what you can do now."

"You think I made a mistake."

"No, I think you needed to break away from him. But to be honest, I never thought you would stop loving him."

"Why… Why was I too scared to call?"

"Maybe you were afraid that talking to him would weaken your resolve?"

"Today… Today-was-so-hard," she hiccups.

"What was hard about it?" Sadie asks, still stroking Jude's hair.

"I felt it—everything."

"Yes, I know. Jake told me what happened in the booth. And, well, I caught some pretty heavy sparkage myself in the lobby. But at least, now you know there's no one else, Jude."

"He-He looked so sad."

"He's missed you."

"But I don't want him to be sad."

Sadie thinks on it a moment. "I think there's always been some sadness around Tommy. At least, since we've known him. It's probably because of the things that happened in his past."

Jude shakes her head again, trying to stop the tears. "There's something else; something's not right. I don't know what it is. I _should_ know what it is, but I don't. And it's my fault."

"It's _not_ your fault, Jude. You needed time to sort things out, to figure out what you want. But you're here now. And he's here."

"What if it's too late?" Jude asks, lifting herself up to a sitting position.

"What if it's not?" Sadie replies, brushing off the last of Jude's tears—for now. "Jude, this was your first day back; of course it was going to be hard. There's nothing surprising in that. But now it's done. And tomorrow, you can start again."

"What if he doesn't let me in?"

Sadie smiles reassuringly. "I think you of all people have the power to make him cave in. Just go easy. Approach cautiously. The crazy chemistry that's always been there between you two should take care of the rest."

"I hope you're right," Jude says, sniffling. Deep down, she's far from convinced.


	11. Let the Games Begin

**A/N: **Huge thanks again for all your comments. Such a treat every time! :)

In case you don't notice (oh, you will!), I had _way_ too much fun writing for Karma. Hope you enjoy this chapter, too!

* * *

**Chapter Eleven – Let the Games Begin**

Tommy stands on the makeshift stage—the mezzanine in front of Darius' office—next to Sadie and a little off to the side, while Darius delivers his grand speech to the company assembled in the main lobby. He tries very hard to focus on Darius' words (though he's pretty much heard the speech in small increments here and there since the big secret's been out) and to avert his gaze from the woman who kept him up again until late last night. And when he'd finally fallen asleep, she had been there, in 3D with surround sound; the kind of dream where he could smell her skin and feel it against his lips; the kind of dream where he could taste her on his tongue; the kind of dream where he could feel her hair as though he was actually gripping it in his hand; the kind of dream that woke him up, panting and wanting. She'd been back one day and already, he was aching for her. _Like she was never gone_, he thinks.

However, though he's avoiding looking at her, if someone were to ask him—provided he'd be honest, of course—he would be able to say that she was standing toward the back with Jake, her gaze nervously shifting between Darius and him.

After a good cry and the reassuring words from Sadie, Jude was feeling a little more optimistic when she woke up that morning, but now that she's back at G-Major, with Tommy so close (and so far), she is less than convinced that she will succeed in breaking through. While Darius was still conferring with Sadie a moment ago, she had kept her eyes on Tommy and noticed he still looked pale. Paler than usual. She can't brush away the feeling that something is wrong. But what? Shoving those thoughts aside in her mind, she tries to focus on what Darius has to say.

"This is one of the biggest moments of my career, and it could turn out to be the biggest of yours," he says, pointing at the finalists in the front. Jude takes a moment to look at them and wonder again what she's doing here. In the five years since she's been in their place, so many things have changed, it seems. She understands she's probably here to give Darius the opportunity to show her off, but studying the female finalists, she's not so sure any of them envy her career; or, more to the point, the kind of musical career she has.

"That's an interesting group Darius has assembled, innit?" Jake whispers next to her.

Jude nods. "Interesting is a great euphemism there, Jake."

"So," Darius continues, "I must warn all of you that I am a strict man. Any one of the artists signed to my label—hell, any one of my employees—could tell you that. If you don't believe me, just ask these two," he adds, pointing to the left of him, where Sadie and Tommy stand. "I can do a lot for you, but first, you gotta do a lot for _me_. Is that clear?" A low rumble of "yes" runs through the lobby. "I can't hear you: is that clear?"

"YES!" comes the loud answer.

"Good. This is not a speech I like to repeat, so you make sure I only have to say it to you this once. Now, we have some alumni with us today: Miss Karma Williamson and—"

"That's Mrs. Karma Spiederman, Darius. Jude is the one who's still a miss," Karma pipes in.

"Right. Right. Mrs. Spiederman and Miss Jude Harrison," he says, pointing towards Jude.

Despite herself, Jude cannot help but throw a look at Tommy. However, he's cast his eyes down, so she can't tell what he's thinking. "So that's Karma" she whispers to Jake.

"Nice. I wonder if her parents could see in the future when they settled on that name."

"Oh, they didn't. She did. Her real name is Jennifer."

Jake chuckles. "Even better."

"We will also be joined by Mr. Mason Fox," Darius continues. "Mason has been delayed; he is currently on tour in the US, but he will be here next week."

"Mason's actually a sweetie," Jude tells Jake. "I think you'll like him."

"Right now, the schedule of the next weeks is being passed along. Take the time to read it carefully. There will be long hours of rehearsal and know that every session is mandatory. I don't want any excuse. So you mind how you spend your evenings."

Jude gets a copy of the schedule and skims through it before letting out a gasp.

"What is it?" Jake asks.

"Look at this," she whispers, her finger almost stabbing the poor, innocent sheet of paper.

"You're a judge? And by the look on your face, you had no idea."

"None. I'm going to wring Darius' neck!"

She looks up and her eyes meet Tommy's. He mouths an "I'm sorry" to her and she nods with a small smile in response. _At least, there's that_, she thinks, hating that she just wants to run to him but can't.

"So are Karma and Mason," Jake says. "At least, you won't be alone with Darius at the judges' table, right?"

Jude sighs. "I guess."

"Small consolation, I know."

"Now," Darius resumes. "I know what some of you must think. 'Who cares about the rehearsals? The Grand Finale is all that matters.' That's where you'd be wrong. The rehearsals will be supervised and recorded. You may have heard by now that we are putting together a compilation. Your performance in the rehearsals will be a contributing factor when I decide who goes on it. You've also probably noticed that Jude, Karma and Mason are noted as judges, which they will be. But I and Mr. Quincy," he says, motioning to Tommy, "will have final say. Think of Jude, Karma and Mason as advisers. Mentors."

"Then why are we judges?" Jude mumbles.

"Now that is a good question," Jake whispers in response.

_It's a stupid question, really_, she thinks. Why are they judges? Because Darius said so. Simple as that.

"The rehearsals will take place here for today and tomorrow, but we will move them to the actual venue on Monday. So, for today, I want you all upstairs. You've been assigned in groups for the next two days, which will be supervised by Jude, Karma and, since Mason is not here yet, Marc Klein, our choreographer."

"Great," Jude says looking back at her schedule. "I have to supervise those guys while you… get to jam with Spied and Kyle?! It's official: I hate Darius!"

"At least, you are back with us next week. Think I can survive Spied and Kyle without you?" he says in a light tone but she knows he's nervous.

"It might actually be better. Kyle and Spied will get to know you with no interference from me."

"What are you waiting for?" comes Darius' booming voice. "Move."

Jake jumps with a start. "You know, I reckon Darius would make a great major general in the army."

Jude laughs, "I think the soldiers would disagree."

Jake turns to face her, "So, I guess this is where you leave me."

Jude nods, "Looks like it."

"Have you talked to him today?" Jake asks, giving a shake of his head towards Tommy.

"No. Not yet."

"Well, the day is still young. I'll see you at home tonight?"

"Yeah," Jude smiles. "Call me if you need a ride home."

Though she knows it's ridiculous—she'll see him again in just a few hours—she's feeling the separation anxiety deeply, and by the look on Jake's face, she's not alone. It had been comforting to feel his presence and strength next to her while she dealt with all the emotions of being back home. Feeling tears coming on, she grabs on to him and pulls him into a hug. "I'm being so silly," she whispers in his ear.

"Not even at all," he replies, and she laughs a little. He pulls away, one arm still wrapped around her waist, and kisses her temple. "Have fun with the… I don't even know how to call them, to be honest."

"Let's call them Darius' army."

"Brilliant," he says, bringing his hand to her shoulder to give it a comforting squeeze.

"You're coming, Jake?" Spied pipes in from behind Jude.

"Yes. See you later, beautiful," Jake says, overheard by a puzzled Spied. They are met by Kyle and the trio head for the exit.

Jude turns around just in time to see Tommy suddenly looking away. She takes a step in his direction, but he slips away towards Darius' office where she knows she can't follow, especially with Darius now staring at her, eyebrow arched. "You're going up, Jude?"

"Yep, yep. Going, D."

_Obviously, Darius' neck-wringing will have to wait_, she muses. And apparently, talking to Tommy will have to wait, too.

* * *

With the money Darius had received as punitive damages after the authorities had closed down his label citing false allegations, he had not only updated the studios but also built rehearsal spaces on the third and fourth floors of the building. While the third floor also held a few offices, the fourth was made up entirely of two rehearsal spaces. Jude and her group took one while Karma and hers took the other. Marc and his group were, of course, on the third floor. There were twenty-one finalists in all, all from different countries. The rules of the World Instant Star stipulated that they had to speak English fluently, though some of them seemed to have a more loose definition of the term _fluent_. Still, turning to the seven people in her group, Jude decides to be a good sport. Since she _has_ to be here, she may as well give her help to whoever needs it.

Half an hour later though, there is no denying it: Jude is bored—_extremely_ bored. Her group of "talents" had sought her advice at first, but now they are all busy trying to perfect their songs on their own, pretty much ignoring her, except for one annoying girl who keeps asking her to basically re-write her lyrics in full. After turning her away nicely a few times, Jude finally puts her foot down: "Listen, Laonie: you're here because Darius wants to hear what you got; not what _I_ got. He knows what I got already. If you want to play your song for me, I'll be happy to give you pointers, but I certainly won't write it for you."

Laonie glares at her before spinning on her heels with a "Forget you, then."

_Right_, Jude thinks. _This is just great. _She can picture Spied, Kyle and Jake having a blast while she's stuck up here, twiddling her thumbs. She sits on a table pushed against a wall and takes out her journal to attempt to write a new song for the compilation. She has a few lines and ideas jotted down already, but they all feel too personal, too obviously addressed to Tommy. Even if she's always communicated with him through songs in the past; this time, she cannot imagine pouring her heart out in such a direct way in just a few days. She needs to find a more subtle approach, but that approach has got her stumped.

"Psst! Jude!" Jude turns to see Karma's head through the door. "Wanna get out of here?" she whispers loudly.

Jude turns her head back to her group: they barely registered Karma's presence. "Well, we're supposed to stay and help—"

"Since when do you care about rules, Miss Tough-Girl-Rock-Star?" Karma taunts, walking in.

"Since when do you seek opportunities to hang out with me, Miss Super-Ego-Maniac? Or should I say _Mrs._ Super-Ego-Maniac?"

"Aaah. Touché. The truth is: you're the only one close enough to reach. We're isolated up here with a bunch of wanna-be-us and I don't like it. We are the originals. Why should we help them?"

"Because Darius told us to?"

"Jude, one of them actually said to me: 'Why should I listen to you? You're obviously just small time.' To _me_!"

"The _nerve_!" Jude says, half-jokingly, half-seriously because in all honesty, she is annoyed with her group herself.

"Well, personally, I won't stay here to be insulted by Darius' little minions. So, what do you say? Bail with me?"

"Well…"

"Come on, Jude: Darius is not even your real boss anymore. Don't you want to show him that London Jude is not to be messed with?"

_Now that is a tempting offer_, Jude muses. She certainly didn't think her one-month stay would include sitting down and watching over a group of finalists who obviously couldn't care less about her input. "OK. Say I'm in: what's the plan? We can't just walk downstairs and exit through the main entrance. With my luck, Darius will catch us for sure."

"Easy," Karma says before pointing up with a smirk. "The roof."

"You have a helicopter service on hold?"

"No, silly," Karma says, rolling her eyes. "We'll climb down the fire escape."

"_You_ are going to climb down the fire escape?"

"Do you see anyone else here? I mean, beside those _losers_?"

"You're going to climb down the fire escape?" Jude repeats. "With those heels?" she adds, pointing at Karma's boots.

"Oh, you wouldn't believe all the things that I can do with those heels."

Jude puts her hand up. "Enough said." She takes one last look at her group and plainly sees that nobody's missed her during the last few minutes. "You know what, Karma? I'm in."

"Yesss! Grab your stuff, Miss Thing."

Though she wonders what could have earned her such a nickname, a smile tugs at Jude's lips. Karma may be many things, but no one could deny that she was entertaining.

The two girls meet in the hallway and head for the elevator. Karma presses the button for the last floor (which pretty much serves as a warehouse) and then takes the lead when the elevator door opens.

"Clearly, you've exited through here before," Jude says.

"Always plan your escape routes, Harrison."

Jude smiles, amused by Karma's spy persona. They arrive at a door opening on a staircase leading to the roof. Of course, Jude recognizes it, having been here more than once with Tommy. When they get to the back end of the roof, Karma seems less than sure about stepping on the fire escape.

"You're OK?"

"Of course," Karma says, but adds, "Why don't you go first?"

"Sure." Jude steps on the iron cast stairs and holds on to the banister. "It's solid, Karma. Come on."

The two girls climb down the stairs until they reach the first landing from where they'll have to go down a ladder. Jude grabs on to the ladder and tries to push it down. The ladder winces and moves down a little but stops short, about a meter above the ground, and refuses to budge any further. "Think you can manage that jump, Karma?"

"Piece of cake," she says though she hates the idea of jumping down in high heels.

"OK. I'll go first."

Jude climbs down the ladder and when she reaches the last step, she jumps backwards, loses her balance and falls on… "I've got you," comes Tommy's voice next to her ear.

She looks down and sees his hand on her stomach; familiar yet strange. She anchors her feet in the ground and lifts herself straight. As soon as she's stable, Tommy's arm leaves her body and he takes a step back just as Karma jumps... and lands perfectly. "Told ya!" she says with a wink.

"Well, well," Tommy says. "What do we have here?"

Still a little dazed by the recent sensation of Tommy's arm around her, Jude turns back to face him and despite the fact that Karma and she are definitely caught red-handed, she loves the sight of the smirk on his face.

"Two girls getting some fresh air?" Karma replies.

"And exiting through the fire escape? When they're supposed to be on the fourth floor with the finalists?"

"Quincy, I'm warning you: don't make us go back there! This is _boooooring_, and you know how I get when I'm bored," Karma warns.

"It's not pretty?" Tommy ventures with a smile.

"No, Tom: it's downright _ugly_. Just ask Spied."

Tommy laughs. "I think I can picture it all by myself. But despite that ugliness, I'm afraid you ladies have to go back up there."

"I wasn't going to say this, because, ugh, it's _so_ humiliating, but one of them insulted me, Quincy. _Me_!" Karma says with an exasperated tone. "And besides, they don't care what we have to say. Darius made sure of that. So that only leaves us with what? Babysitting? No, thanks."

Tommy is about to counter-argue, but his eyes fall on Jude and her pleading gaze. "It's true, Tommy," she says. "Except for one over-eager girl, the others were all pretty much busy finding a corner to work on their stuff by themselves."

Tommy stays silent for a moment, torn between what he _should_ do—forcing the girls to go back to the rehearsal floor—and what he knows he'd want to do himself if he were in their shoes: bail, as fast as he could. He glances at his watch and gives the girls a long look. "OK. Darius will be busy with me for the next while. We have a few things to sort out, and then we have to get to the venue and check out the logistics. But you know that as soon as we come back, he'll be on the fourth floor to check up on you and the finalists. If I let you girls go, you have to _promise_ me to be back up there by two."

"You're the best, Quincy," Karma says with one of her seductive smiles.

"Promise me!" Tommy says, his face serious.

"I promise," both girls say.

"OK. Now, go and have fun," he says with a smile, head slightly cocked to the right.

Karma and Jude don't have to be told twice: they turn around and, at a swift pace, they head for the busy streets of Toronto.

"You know he let us go because of you, right?"

"No, I don't think that's true."

"OK. Just believe whatever you want there, Harrison."

Before she turns the corner, Jude can't help but throw one last look back, over her shoulder, and she sees Tommy standing in the same spot by the fire escape, hands shoved in his pockets, staring at them leaving with a smile on his lips. A sincere smile. A loving smile. A smile that warms her all over.

* * *

Sitting on an armchair in a coffee shop with a very large latté, Jude is holding a pen and her journal, but she's still coming up with nothing. Or nothing vague yet clear enough. Karma is sitting on the chair next to hers, texting someone. _Probably Spied_, Jude assumes.

"What's the problem there, Harrison? Running out of inspiration?"

"You know, Karma: we don't actually have to hang out together. We can just agree to meet back in the alley at a quarter to two, and that would be fine by me," Jude says, feeling a little impatient.

"No."

"Just like that? No?"

Karma exhales loudly. "I made a promise to Spiedy that I was going to make an effort with you."

"Let me guess: he came down on you for that 'miss' remark?" Jude says with a crooked smile.

"Yes, but I didn't mean anything by it. Truly. You know I often speak before I think."

"Sure," Jude says, but her expression says otherwise.

"Fine. I'll admit that often enough, I _do_ mean what I say, but this time, it was innocent. You're not _really_ mad at me for that, are you?" Karma asks with her best faux-sheepish look.

Jude can't help but chortle. "No, it's fine. It was a little insensitive, but I never expected much empathy from you, anyway."

"I can be empathetic sometimes, you know. You'd be surprised."

"I'm sure you can," Jude says sincerely. "I think most people can surprise you from time to time."

"Isn't that the truth? So, I'm guessing you're trying to write a song for the compilation?"

"You're guessing right."

"A song about Tommy?" Karma asks, taking a sip of her coffee.

"Yes and no. I'm trying to be subtle, but it's obviously not my specialty."

"If you ask me, subtlety is overrated. Need help to get Tommy back?"

Jude is startled: she was not expecting such a direct offer. "No, that's OK, Karma."

"You're sure? Nobody does sneaky as well as I do."

"No argument from me."

"It shouldn't be too hard anyway. He's obviously not over you."

Jude can't prevent a smile from adorning her lips. "You think so?"

"I know so. Well, if you want help, let me know," she says before grabbing her mobile phone again.

Jude throws her a surprised look. "Why are you so eager to help me?"

Looking up from her phone, Karma shrugs. "Because you two belong together. Anyone can see that."

* * *

When Karma and Jude step out of the elevator and onto the fourth floor, they are greeted by Darius, who stands arms crossed, and by Tommy, who's leaning against the wall.

"And where are _you two_ coming from?"

"Did you actually think I would be eating some bland sandwiches, Darius?" Karma says, hoping she's right in guessing that's probably what Darius ordered for the troupes.

"You went out for lunch?"

"Ding, ding, ding. I wanted to treat my girl Jude. Is there something wrong with that? You were always the one telling me that I should try to get along with her."

Darius snickers. "_You_ wanted to treat Jude?"

"It's called personal growth, boss man: you should look it up."

"Hmm-hmm," Darius hums, obviously not convinced. "So, how is it going with your groups?"

"Fine," Jude answers quickly while Karma rolls her eyes.

"Why are you rolling your eyes?" Darius says, temper short. "Come with me: I'll show you how it's done."

When Darius and Karma turn around to leave, Jude takes a step closer to Tommy and reaches out, putting her hand on his arm. "Thank you," she whispers.

Tommy looks down at her hand, and for a moment, they both hold their breath, enveloped in their own bubble. She's close enough to breathe in his distinctive smell, and her heart starts racing in her chest. Tommy feels the warmth of her hand spreading to the rest of his body, especially to his face, making him feel flustered, like a teenager. Finally, he plunges his eyes into hers. "You're welcome."

But before she can say anything else, Tommy walks away in the direction taken by Karma and Darius. Jude sighs. _Remember: small steps. _Small steps. She wishes she could run to him in leaps and bounds, but small steps will have to do.


	12. Cat and Mouse

**A/N: **Thank you, **Abcd123**, **pnwer**, **atthtt**, and **Guest** for your comments! So appreciated!

To **atthtt**: Barring death or other such tragedy (*cue dramatic music*), I will complete this story: don't worry! :)

* * *

**Chapter Twelve – Cat and Mouse**

The next few days feel like a slow, painful walk through hell for Tommy.

It starts on Friday with a visit to Darius' office and a tough conversation about the boss' decision to minimize Jude's, Karma's and Mason's roles in the Finale, which, in Tommy's opinion, basically led finalists to not give Karma and Jude the respect they deserved the day before. Of course, Tommy knows Darius is not a man who takes critique well, but there is only so much tiptoeing he can do around him if he wants to get his point across.

Not surprisingly, Darius is quick to ask the question Tommy was expecting: "Are you sure you're not just being overprotective of Jude?"

So Tommy is ready to answer it. "D, I caught Karma and Jude sneaking out. _Together_. Now we both know Karma is prone to be overdramatic, so I'm sure she exaggerated when she told me one of the finalists insulted her. But if I take that and couple it with what Jude said, I can get a clear picture. And you seem to forget that I was there at the town hall meeting, Darius. You all but told them that what Jude, Karma and Mason thought didn't matter."

"I didn't say that!"

"_But I and Mr. Quincy will have final say_," Tommy quotes. "What kind of message do you think that sent?"

"That's the truth. You and I will be making final decisions, T. You know that!"

"Then why did you name the three of them as judges? That's not fair!" Tommy can't help but snap a little.

"I was right: this is about Jude and you protecting her." Darius says with a satisfied smirk.

Tommy is taken suddenly by a dizzying sensation, and though he had intended to keep his conversation with Darius short, he's now forced to sit down.

"Whoa, T. Are you OK?"

Tommy holds up one hand and nods stiffly. "I'm fine."

"No. You look as white as a sheet."

"I haven't been sleeping very well; that's all."

Darius walks around his desk to lean against it, right in front of Tommy. "What's going on? Too much work? Is it Jude?"

Tommy sighs, not liking the direction this conversation is taking, but he knows Darius won't let it go until he gives him some kind of answer. "Yeah, it's work and it's Jude. It's a lot. It's keeping me up, but nothing to worry about."

Darius nods. "I listened to Kiera's track. And saw the note listing _Bella Labelle_ as the guest singer. As far as fake names go, that one's pretty cute." Tommy smiles faintly. It's a lame name but it's the first one that sprung in his mind and he couldn't shake it off. "How did you convince Jude to do it?"

"She offered. I told her about the rules of her time here. Her bassist suggested she records under a _nom de plume_. And now, here we are."

"I imagine it was awkward, maybe even a bit hard to have Jude in your studio again."

"We are not talking about this, D. I just need you to fix the situation with the finalists."

"All right, all right. Jude and Karma can skip on their supervising duties today. And I'll make sure to tell the finalists that the judges' opinions will carry a lot of weight when it comes to making _our_ decisions. Better?"

"Much."

"I guess that'll leave Jude free today, uh?" Darius says with a wink.

"Yeah. Free to work on a new song if you're still hoping to get that for your compilation, D.," Tommy says, standing up in an effort to effectively end the conversation by walking out.

"So you're going to get in touch with Karma and Jude to let them know?" Darius asks with a grin.

Tommy stops in the doorway. "I'll ask Sadie to do it." The last thing Tommy hears before going down the stairs is the sound of Darius' laughter. Just as his feet leave the last step, he spots Jude and Sadie walking through the main door. He darts quickly in the direction of Sadie's office; as quickly as he can without actually running and catching everyone's attention.

At some point over the previous night made up of spotty sleeping and X-rated dreams starring Jude, he's made the decision to avoid her as much as possible. Or at the very least, to avoid any time alone with her. Time with her and other musicians cannot be evaded—he knows that—but he cannot have a repeat of that breathtaking moment on the fourth floor when her hand on his arm had nearly made him tilt his head forward to just kiss her. He cannot have a repeat of literally catching her in an alley (or anywhere else for that matter) and feeling her body under his hand and against his chest. If he's to survive the next few weeks, if he's to find the courage to tell her the truth before she leaves, then he needs as much space as this forced proximity can afford him.

He stays in the dark of Sadie's office and soon, she walks in, turns on the light and lets out a yelp when she catches movement from the corner of her eye. "Quincy! You scared me half to death! What are you doing in here?"

Tommy gives her a sheepish smile. "Hey Sadie. Sorry, I thought you were already in," he lies. "I just talked to Darius and he agreed to let Karma and Jude off their supervising duties for today. Could you tell Jude? I'll call Karma."

"Well, Jude is here already. We came in together. You can go and tell…" Sadie lapses when she sees Tommy's expression. "You don't want to see Jude."

Tommy gives her a tight smile. "It's not that. It's just…"

"You're avoiding her," she states simply.

"Avoiding time alone with her, yes," Tommy corrects.

"Really?" Sadie says, thinking back on the night two days ago when she caught Jude crying.

Tommy looks down. "It's… It's better that way."

Though she promised herself (and Jake for that matter) that she would never interfere again, Sadie feels like she must speak on Jude's behalf. "Seeing you is hard for her too, but funnily enough, her reaction is to want to spend more time with you."

Though his heart sings at the thought, his good sense tells him that it's a bad idea. "We shouldn't do that."

"Are you afraid of what could happen between the two of you?" Sadie asks.

Tommy takes a deep breath. "Yeah, something like that." He looks up to Sadie. "So, could you tell her about being off today? Please?"

Sadie nods. "Sure."

"Thanks, Sadie," Tommy says, walking out.

* * *

Saturday; well Saturday morning is the day of his standing appointment with the nurse to check his vitals. Though he lies—just a little—most of the time about the severity of his symptoms, his clammy skin forces the nurse to page Tommy's physician for a quick check-up.

Dr. Stella Boldsen comes in and skims through the nurse's notes. "You've lost another pound and a half, Tommy." He doesn't say anything. "On a scale of one to ten, how's the pain?"

"About five," Tommy says.

"The real number," she says with a typical no-nonsense doctor tone.

"Seven."

"Do we need to increase the dosage?"

"No."

"Then why aren't you sleeping well?"

"H-how do you know?" Tommy stutters.

Dr. Boldsen gives him a faint smile. "Years of experience. What's going on? I already know you're overworked, since you made excuses not to show me your work schedule. Is that it? Too much work?"

"Yeah, yeah. That's what it is."

Dr. Boldsen makes a note of it, but she's not completely convinced. "What else?"

Tommy breathes in deeply. "Let's just say I'm dealing with a blast from the past."

"Someone negative? Someone bringing you undue stress?"

"No, no: nothing like that. Just… someone who makes me nervous."

"Ah. The ex-girlfriend."

"H-how do you know that?" Tommy exclaims, brows knitted.

"I don't live under a rock, Tommy. I know all about the Instant Star Finale and about your history with Jude Harrison. Well, your _public_ history, that is."

"Yeah, cause if you knew about the private history, you'd know she's actually my ex-_fiancée_." Tommy hates to reduce it in those terms when Jude is so much more than that to him, but there it is.

"Well, that certainly explains the lack of sleep. But this isn't good, Tommy. You need all your sleep."

That's when, out of nowhere, Tommy feels compelled to blurt out: "What's the difference, doc? I _am_ dying, aren't I? Might as well be awake for the time I have left."

Dr. Boldsen looks up from her chart. "You're on a waiting list, Tommy. There could be a match at any time." She flips through the pages of his medical record. "And I see you still haven't told anyone else."

"How do you know?"

"We only have one relation listed as having been tested as a potential donor: Kevin West. I'm having trouble believing he's your only friend."

Tommy chuckles dryly. "What if he is?"

Dr. Boldsen decides to ignore the remark. "Listen, Tommy: obviously, I cannot force you to tell anyone about your condition, but this is simple math—math even a child can understand: the more people get tested, the better our chances to find a match."

Tommy looks down at his hands. "I know. But telling people is not easy."

"I understand. Telling people makes it real." Tommy nods. Dr. Bolden starts scribbling on her prescription pad. "I'm going to prescribe you a light sleeping pill. I hope you don't have to take it, but you'll have it if you need it. You must get some quality sleep. And if the pain is still at seven or higher next week, I'll increase the painkiller dosage. OK?"

"OK," Tommy sighs grabbing the prescription and getting up.

"One last thing, Tommy: maybe telling people is the key to sleeping better. Think about it."

* * *

Then comes Sunday, which, technically, is supposed to be Tommy's only day off. At Kwest's insistence, Tommy meets him for brunch. He just steps out of his car when his phone dings with a new message from Kwest: "Sorry. Not my idea." Not sure to what he could be referring, Tommy walks in the restaurant to discover that his best friend has not only been joined by Vin, but also by Jamie, Jake and Jude. Tommy's actually quick enough to walk out without being seen and once he's back outside, he sends a reply to Kwest: "I can't".

Before Kwest can say anything, Spied asks, "Was that Quincy?"

"Yeah, he just texted me to tell me he can't make it."

Spied takes out his phone and, in a bizarre twist of the modern world of technologies, he sends Kwest a message: "He was here, right?"

"I think so," Kwest texts back.

The two guys exchange a look they consider subtle, but Jude misses nothing. She gets up quickly and runs for the exit. Outside, she catches Tommy just as he's about to close the door of his Porsche. "Tommy!" she calls out.

Tommy winces but steps out of his car and waits for her.

She stops a few feet away from him, as though she can sense the wall he's putting up. She probably can. "Are you leaving because of me?"

His hand reaches up to run through his hair, but he stops the telling gesture at the last second, deciding instead to shove both hands in his pockets. "No, no. I just got called by Darius. He needs me at the venue."

"Isn't today your day off?" she asks.

"It is, but hey! Tell that to Darius," he says with a wry smile.

Though Jude doesn't believe him, she also doesn't feel like she can just voice it bluntly. "You look tired, Tommy," she decides to say.

"I am. Actually, I hope I can get this taken care of quickly and then just head home and crash."

She smiles faintly. "Is that your subtle way of telling me to just let you go?"

Tommy chuckles. "Who knew I could be subtle, uh? I do have to go, though. Say hi to the guys for me, OK?"

"Sure," Jude says, going against every instinct that tells her to just latch on to him and take him in her arms, whether he likes it or not; whether he fights her on it or not. "But I hope we'll be able to catch up another time."

"Sure," he says with a tight smile. "I'll see you later, Jude."

"Oh, by the way," she says before he can turn around and climb back into his car. "Thank you for talking to Darius."

"You're welcome. He also said he'd speak to the finalists so they'd take you, Mason and Karma more seriously. So, that should make things better."

"Thanks for looking out for m—well, for us."

Tommy nods. "That's what I do. Have a good brunch, OK?"

Tommy gets in his car and rides off quickly, but can only drive about two blocks before he needs to park the car to take a moment to pick himself back up. When he finally gets home, he does exactly what he told Jude he'd do (minus the made-up stop at the venue supposedly requested by Darius): he crashes. Not even Kwest calling a few times in the afternoon and evening can bring him to get up from his bed.

* * *

On Monday, Tommy is busy installing cables and hauling all sorts of equipment at the venue, wondering where the hell his technician is, when Darius walks in and informs him that said technician quit on that very morning, giving him no notice.

"D, I'm not trying to be difficult here, but how the hell do you expect me to put everything together by myself?" Tommy says, a little out of breath from pushing and pulling equipment.

"I don't. I'm looking for a replacement, but finding and hiring someone competent at the last minute is not going to be easy. You know that."

"So basically, I'm on my own."

"Hey, I'll pitch in when I can."

Tommy throws him a sceptical look. "You will? How about right now then?"

Darius makes a face. "I can't right now."

"Right," Tommy says bending down to pull on a cable.

"But I'm sending reinforcements."

"Who?" _Don't say Jude, don't say Jude, don't say Jude._

"Spiederman. He should be here in a few minutes. I know he's not a technician but he knows more than most, so he should at least be able to help a little. I'm also keeping the rehearsals at G-Major for the time being, OK? Giving you more time to set everything up. Just let me know when it's done, and I'll work with that."

"Isn't Vin supposed to rehearse, too?"

"Yeah, but Jude is working on the new song today, so she's busy composing. Spiederman can be spared. I could send you Sadie too, but I doubt she'd be much help. If you want her here though, just tell me."

Tommy puts up his hand. "No, no. No Sadie. She's perfect exactly where she is."

Darius grins. "That's what I thought. Well, I'm going."

Tommy is working on setting up the console and soundboard when Spied walks in with a chirpy: "Your knight in shining armour is here!"

"Well, woo pee doo," Tommy says wryly.

"Is that how you greet your friend who dropped everything to come and help you?"

"At Darius' command," Tommy adds in an even tone.

"Well, yeah. But I would've volunteered: you know that."

"Right," Tommy says loading a piece of the soundboard on the console.

"Someone's in a mood."

Tommy wipes his brow and meets Spied's eyes. "I'm sorry, man. Derek quitting is shitty timing. I could barely see managing this whole thing _with _him, so by myself… I don't know. I appreciate you coming out to help though: I really do."

"It sucks: I'll give you that. What can I do?"

Tommy scans the pile of equipment, not sure where to start, then his eyes stop on the cables—that's a simple enough task. "Well, if you could start setting up the cables on the stage, that'd be great. They have to run along the front of the stage—you'll see, there's a gutter and some traps there—and then along the left wall. They really have to be secured; otherwise, it could be a hazard. So go nuts with the tape, all right?"

"OK."

"Oh, and make sure to leave a good length of cables at the stage. Those will be hooked up to all the instruments, the amps and everything."

"I am the tape and length master," Spied says with a bow.

Tommy chuckles. "Thanks, man."

Once he's emptied about a quarter of a roll of tape, Spied finds the guts to question Tommy. "So, you sure ran out of the restaurant in a hurry yesterday."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"That's how you want to play it? All right. The brunch place: you came in, saw who was there and you ran right out."

"Vin, I really don't want to talk about it."

"Too bad. We are talking about it. It's just you and me here, man. Tell me the truth: are you avoiding Jude?"

Tommy breathes noisily. "A little."

"OK: progress. Why?"

"You know why."

"She ran out after you: doesn't that tell you something?"

"Even if it does, it doesn't change anything," Tommy says, checking out the cables to start plugging them in. "How are you getting on with Jake?" he asks, trying to change the subject.

"Good. He's a cool guy," Spied says before pausing and reflecting on that. "Is that what worries you?"

Tommy bobs his head in surprise. "What do you mean?"

"Do you, like, think there's something going on between them?"

Tommy pretends to be quite absorbed in the cables when he replies, "That's none of my business."

"Oh, that's bullshit, and you know it."

"Maybe. But that still doesn't mean I want to know."

"Well, wouldn't you want to know if, like, the coast is clear?"

Tommy shakes his head. "I won't pursue her, Vin. So like I said: I don't want to know."

"You won't… you won't _pursue_ her? This is you and Jude we are talking about! That's not how the story ends."

"Vin: the story ended. A year ago. I asked her to marry me, she said no: that sounds like a pretty definitive ending to me."

"You know it's more complicated than that."

"Exactly. Things with me and Jude have been complicated from day one. It's time to stop fighting against it: fate doesn't want us together."

Spied chortles. "Funny. I would argue fate wants exactly the opposite and worked out this little month so you can, like, find your way to each other."

"It's too late," Tommy says, his voice flat.

"But you still love her."

Tommy sighs. "I will always love her, Vin. But it's still too late. So, please let's drop the subject, OK? We have _tons_ of work to do here."

"Fine. I'm giving up… For _today_, Quincy."

"Awesome," Tommy says, rolling his eyes.

"And I only bug you because I care," Spied says with a grin.

"Ah, yes. How does the saying goes? You only hurt the ones you love? Then you must love me a whole lot, uh?"

"Like the night loves the moon," Spied jokes.

"Just… Just get back to work," Tommy chuckles.

"But Quincy: we are expecting you to come out with us for drinks after the studio tomorrow. And none of us will take no for an answer."

"Yeah, we'll see about that," Tommy says, testing out a piece of equipment.

"Oh, we will!"

Tommy shakes his head, but doesn't say anything. The game of cat and mouse will have to end tomorrow. Because tomorrow, he's back in the studio with Jude. _Good luck sleeping tonight_, he thinks, patting the sleeping pill prescription in his pocket.


	13. Jude's Song

**A/N: **I worked on this chapter and the next simultaneously, so chapter 14 should be posted soon. Just have a few kinks left to iron out. Hope you're still reading and enjoying. If you do, say hello! Always great to hear from you. :)

**Song by: Patrick Watson – _Adventures __In__ Your Own Backyard_**

* * *

**Chapter Thirteen – Jude's Song**

On Tuesday morning, Jude is sitting on her bed, playing over the melody she came up with on the day before when Sadie knocks at her door and comes in. "I come bearing coffee," she smiles, handing Jude a mug. "So, how's the song coming?"

Jude pushes her guitar aside and grabs the mug. "Good, I think. Coming up with the melody wasn't too difficult. Jake was a huge help. But the lyrics… I'm still not sure."

Sadie sits on the bed next to her, craning her neck to look at Jude's journal. "May I have a look?"

Jude hands her the book. Sadie reads them through a few times until Jude grows impatient, "So, what do you think?"

"It's beautiful, Jude. It's clear without being in your face. I didn't know you could write like this. Not that your usual style isn't—"

"I get it," Jude interrupts with a smirk. "My lyrics used to be about as subtle as an elephant in a fish bowl." The sisters laugh. "And they were pretty much all about Tommy. I couldn't do that for my new album, so I guess I learned to write differently."

"Yes, I noticed that in the songs you sent to me."

"But now," Jude says with a bit of a sigh. "I guess I'm back to Tommy."

"Both in songs and otherwise, uh?" Sadie smiles, but Jude shakes her head. "No?"

"I'm trying, but Tommy is avoiding me."

"Yeah. He kind of told me."

"He did?" Jude asks, truly surprised.

Sadie shakes her head. "And here I had promised myself not to get involved in this. Every time I have, I only seemed to have created a bigger mess."

"Don't blame yourself. Things with Tommy have always been messy to begin with," Jude says then waits. She knows how Sadie feels and she doesn't want to force her to break Tommy's confidence.

"Listen: it's obvious a part of Tommy wants to be close to you, but another part of him is afraid. When he came to my office, he looked genuinely scared."

"Of me?"

"Of what might happen if he gets too close to you."

"Oh. So, you think I should respect that and give him his space?"

"I'm not sure."

"Yeah, neither am I. There's something going on with him. And it's not just about us, there's something else."

"He doesn't quite look like himself, I agree. Maybe you should force the issue and make him open up? And who knows? This song might help you break down some of his barriers. You're recording it today, right?"

Jude nods. "The instrument tracks this morning; the vocals this afternoon if there's enough time."

"And then we're all going for drinks, right? Tommy too?"

"Spied said he told Tommy yesterday, when he was helping him at the venue."

Sadie shakes her head. "I still can't believe Derek just quit like that. Something must've happened."

"With Tommy?" Jude asks with knitted brows.

"No, with Darius. But everyone's overworked. I guess maybe Derek had enough of that."

"Ladies, breakfast!" Jake pipes in from downstairs.

"Yeah, there's no way I'm letting him go back with you," Sadie jokes, and Jude laughs.

* * *

Jude and Jake get to G-Major early, but the place is already buzzing. They head upstairs but all the rehearsal spaces are already in use. "I guess Tommy and Spied didn't get everything done at the venue," Jude says, biting her lip nervously. "I really wanted to play my song again, at least once, before…" She doesn't end her sentence, but Jake knows what she means: before Tommy.

"Well, isn't there anywhere else we could go? A broom closet would suffice, really."

Jude thinks on it for a moment and then a smile curls up her lips. "I know where. Come on."

They go back to the main floor with Jude leading and end up in Studio C.

"Bloody hell; is this the place where rats come to record?" Jake asks, and Jude laughs.

She must admit to herself she's a little surprised that Darius has not fixed up this place, but then her eyes fall on a graffiti on the wall—clearly the work of Patsy. _I guess Darius' heart is not made of stone after all_, she muses, but she doesn't say anything. She hasn't said much about Patsy to Jake and she's not sure how to bring it up now. Still, she points to the graffiti and says, "This was left here by an artist who was really one of a kind. She was also my friend. Her name was Patsy Sewers. She died in a car crash a few years ago. I guess Darius didn't have the heart to wipe it off."

Jake nods. He's about to ask Jude to tell him more about Patsy, but when he sees her face, he knows it's not the time. So he smiles and says, "Perhaps you could tell me more about her another time? I'd like to hear it."

Jude smiles in return. "I don't know how you do it, but you're pretty great at that whole mind-reading thing."

"All right. Let's see if it has staying power, shall we? Want to rehearse now?"

Jude chuckles, takes out her guitar and sits down on a bench. "You bet!" She starts playing and singing and though she likes what she came up with, something is not clicking right. "Something's missing," she says, and Jake nods.

"You know what would sound brilliant with this? Kiera's cello."

A light illuminates Jude's eyes. "Jake: you're a genius!" she exclaims, grabbing his face and kissing him square on the mouth. It's a chaste kiss—a friendly kiss—but the kiss happens just as someone opens the studio door.

"Sorry. I didn't know anybody was in here."

Tommy. _Of fucking course_, Jude thinks but she can only manage to gape at him silently. His expression betrays nothing.

Jake tries to salvage the situation as best as he can. "No bother. Apparently, being, and I quote, a genius, will get you a kiss from that one," he says pointing to Jude with a crooked smile.

Tommy's face remains unreadable as he points towards a mic stand in the back of the studio. "I just came in to get this. I won't be long," he says as he squeezes past Jake. He takes the mic stand in question and is about to leave without uttering another word when Jude calls out his name. Tommy stops by the door.

"Jake just had an amazing idea for my song and, well, I need your help, if you can." Tommy turns around to face her—she's wriggling her hands nervously—and he nods to encourage her to go on. "D-do you think Kiera would be willing to contribute her cello?"

"I can't speak for her, but I think she would. I can call her and ask."

"You don't mind?" Jude asks, annoyed that she can't read his face.

"No, not at all," he says with a faint smile, putting the stand down and taking his phone out of his pocket. He makes the call and Jude watches as Tommy speaks to Kiera, looking far more comfortable than he did just a second ago when he was talking to her. She suddenly feels a great wave of discouragement sweeping through her. How will she ever be able to break through?

"That's great, Kiera! Thanks a lot! We'll see you soon." Tommy hangs up and turns his head towards Jude. "She's on her way. You better start writing her part," he says with a smile.

"Thank you so much, Tommy!"

Without even thinking about it, Jude moves forward, about to fling her arms around his neck, but Tommy quickly picks up the mic stand again and heads for the door with a short "See you guys in the studio".

The door closes behind Tommy and tears start rolling on Jude's cheeks. "Damn it!" she scolds herself, wiping them off furiously.

Struggling with finding the right thing to say, Jake can only come up with, "I'm sorry."

Jude shakes her head and turns around to go sit back next to Jake. "I'm being silly. I know he cares; I just wish he'd let me in."

"He _does_ care: that much is obvious. Just look how quick he was to call Kiera for you, and that's just one example."

"Yeah."

"Perhaps the song will help you break through? Come on, love, let's work on that cello bit."

* * *

It's not the kiss so much that bothered Tommy—he could see it for what it was: Jude expressing her enthused gratitude. No, what bothered him was catching her working on a song with someone else. Of course he knows she has been doing that for a year now, but seeing it in the flesh hits home. That used to be him; he used to be the one to give her critiques and advices, and he's missed that terribly.

Running a hand through his hair, he shakes himself out of it and continues to set up Studio A for recording. Jude's song.

"Hey Quincy! Need any help?" Spied asks, walking in.

"No, I'm done. You can set up and tune up, if you want."

"Jude here yet?"

"Yep. In Studio C with Jake."

"Studio C? What are they doing there?"

Tommy shrugs. "Rehearsing, I guess. And kissing," he says, but wishes straight away he could take those last two words back.

"Kissing?" Spied says with a frown.

"I shouldn't have said anything. I think she was just being grateful for an idea he had."

"And what idea was that?"

"To bring in a cello for her song."

Spied thinks on it a moment. "Yeah, I can see it. It will fit well with the song."

"You've heard it?" Tommy asks, trying to not sound too curious.

"Yeah, the rough version. I think it'll blow your mind, dude."

Tommy smiles faintly, "I'm sure."

"So, let me guess: Jude asked you to get Kiera, and you did."

Tommy smiles wryly. "Why ask if you know the answer?"

Spied grins and raises his eyebrows in a suggestive manner. "You're definitely coming out for drinks tonight. And you're talking to the girl already!"

"I told you, Vin: I'm not going to—"

"Pursue her, blah, blah, blah. Whatever, man. I'm not listening to you anymore. Hey, dude!" he says to greet Kyle.

Tommy just shakes his head and heads for the booth. Soon, Jude and Jake come in and Jude hands Tommy a music sheet without lyrics. He gives her a quizzical look. "I want it to be a surprise," she says with a small smile. Tommy nods, but doesn't say anything. The pair walks into the studio with Tommy watching everyone set up from the other side of the window. Soon though, his eyes have once again a mind of their own and seek Jude. And that's how Kiera finds him when she walks in a few minutes later. "Enjoying the scenery?"

Tommy clears his throat, blushing lightly—and hardly believing he is blushing, which makes him blush even more. "Thanks for doing this, Kiera."

"Are you kidding? I'm super excited! I'm glad Jude thought of asking me."

"Good. Well, you should go in and set up," he says, motioning toward the window with a shake of his head.

Seeing Jude beaming brightly when Kiera walks in brings a smile to Tommy's lips—he contributed to that happiness; that's no small thing. _If only I could always do that_, he thinks.

The morning is spent laying down the instrument tracks. The group breaks for lunch, but Tommy opts to stay behind and to start mixing so he can have a back-up track ready for Jude to sing when she gets back.

When Kyle, Spied and Jake come in, Tommy is busy rearranging the studio. "I'm going to need to record you guys again, but all together," he says. "I think I've got an idea." Tommy looks up. "Where are Jude and Kiera?"

"Ladies' room," Jake answers. "They'll be here soon."

Tommy nods and gets back to work while Spied is trying to find a way to ask Jake about his relationship with Jude while Tommy is there with them. "So, I hear you helped Jude with this song," he says.

"Oh, just a tad, really. A few suggestions here and there. Jude sort of gets in her own bubble when she writes, so you have got to respect the zone."

"Yeah, but you probably know Jude more than most… You know."

"What do you mean?"

Spied gives him a rueful smile. "Well… I mean, the _intimate_ side, you know?"

"Me and Jude? Nah, mate, we're just friends and co-musicians. Nothing more."

"Oh, dude. Sorry to assume."

"No bother. She's a lovely lady, but a lovely lady friend only." Jake smiles. "Anyway, since we're in a bit of a lull waiting for the ladies right now, I think I'll go have a fag."

Spied chuckles, and Jake hits his forehead in an exaggerated gesture. "Right. That is one detail I have to remember, have I? 'Fag': not a word to use on this side of the pond. Let's see… How about a ciggie?" Spied laughs some more; this time, joined by Kyle and Tommy, who can't help himself. "Yeah, you're right, mates. Ciggie is definitely out. Right then, let me go have a bloody manly cigarette. No, no, let me rephrase that: the manliest cigarette ever."

With that, and with a huge grin on his face and a thunder of laughs around him, Jake walks out.

But Jake failed to notice Jude coming back and standing right outside the door of the studio for the end of this conversation. With a frown, she slips out too, unnoticed by Kyle and Spied, but followed closely by Tommy's eyes. Tommy, who's heard what Jake said, but who's not exactly fooled.

"Well, you heard him?" comes Spied's voice.

Tommy turns his attention to the guitarist, but keeps his head down with a sad smile on his lips. "Not sure I believe it, Vin. Not that it matters, anyway. She's free to do whatever she wants."

Spied stares at him with a puzzled look. "You think he lied? I don't know. Jake seems like an OK dude."

"I agree. I think he's a nice guy. Which wouldn't make it so terrible if there _was _something between them."

"You don't mean that."

"No… and yes," Tommy sighs and looks Spied straight in the eye. "I just want her to be happy, Vin."

"Well, if something happened between them, I'd say that's done now. As usual, Jude only have eyes for you, dude."

Tommy looks down again. As much as his heart enjoys hearing that, he knows he can't act on it. He has yet to find the courage to tell her what's going with him.

* * *

Jake is standing against the brick wall of the alley when Jude comes up to him. "Hey."

"Hey yourself."

"Jake: why did you lie to Spied?"

Jake knits his brows, not sure what she means at first, but then realisation sets in: so, she overheard. "Because Tommy was within earshot."

"So?"

"So Tommy doesn't want to know that."

Jude bites her bottom lip, avoiding Jake's gaze. "But it's the truth," she finally manages.

Jake takes a drag on his cigarette, and then pushes the smoke out. "Listen, love, if you and I were a couple, then of course we would have to tell him. Hell, we'd have to tell everyone, but we are not. We _are_ just friends, are we not?"

"We are, but something more did happen between us," she amends.

"Tommy doesn't need to know that, Jude. Or, more to the point, I didn't want to be the one to break it to him. And besides, it meant nothing more than friendship, comfort. It certainly doesn't affect what exists between the two of you."

"But Jake, _I_ broke up with Tommy, remember? A year ago, as a matter of fact, and—"

Jake shakes his head and interrupts her: "Doesn't matter. I see how he looks at you, Jude, and that is all I need to know."

"You've also seen how he's avoiding me. And this is Tommy we're talking about. With the history he has, there's a possibility he banged half the city over the last year."

Jake takes another puff and smiles wryly. "Maybe. But I doubt it, love."

Jude shakes her head and leans against the wall next to Jake. "Yeah, I doubt it, too. I don't even know why I said that. I'm… frustrated, I guess."

Jake presses her shoulder. "I get the frustration. Since I barely know him, I'm not sure why he's avoiding you, especially since I can literally see the electricity between the two of you. I reckon he's scared, but of what? That's not for me to say."

Jude looks at Jake with her eyebrows raised. "Electricity?"

"Enough to power a small town, I'd wager." Jake smirks. "At this point, I'd say you need to find a way to corner him somehow."

"Yeah. I guess you're right."

Jake brings his cigarette to the smokers pole and turns back to Jude, "Come on. You have a song to finish."

* * *

After the group records the song again together, they walk out of the studio, leaving Jude alone. Tommy expected Spied or at least Jake to come join him in the booth, but none of them do. His eyes focus back on Jude and he can't help but smile.

"Alone at last?" Jude jokes with a smirk.

Tommy nods, slightly embarrassed. "Ready when you are, Jude."

"I'm ready, Tommy," she replies, saying his name softly.

Tommy feels his heart speeding up. "Then let's do this." He puts on his headphones and hits the playback button.

With her eyes firmly fixed on Tommy, Jude begins to sing:

_Twelve steps in to your backyard_

_Through tall green grass, and into the world_

_Ain't it feel right?_

_Ain't it feel nice?_

_In your own backyard_

_Aaahhh, aaahhh_

___-%%%-_

_A dirty winding road around your feet_

_That carries me along and into the beat_

_Didn't need to go so far_

_To find what you were thirsty for_

_Didn't need to go so far_

_To find what you were looking for_

_Cause it was always beside_

_Just right behind_

_Right up ahead_

_You just didn't know_

_What was in your own backyard_

___-%%%-_

_Aaahhh, aaahhh, aaahhh_

Twelve steps in to your backyard

_Twelve steps in to your backyard_

_Twelve steps in to your backyard_

_Twelve steps in to your backyard_

_Aaahhh, aaahhh, aaahhh, aaahhh_

By the time the song ends, Tommy's heart is beating so fast, he feels it throbbing all the way up to his throat. He needs to get out of here. Otherwise, he might just step into that studio to grab Jude's face between his hands and kiss her.

The take is perfect: nothing to change, nothing to add. Her voice was raw yet melodious; sad yet hopeful. And the way she's looking at him now…

He _needs_ to get out of here.

"That was… perfect. Well done." Jude is about to answer when Tommy takes his phone out. "Just got a text from Darius", he stutters. "I have to get to his office. But good job, Jude."

And with that, he walks out. With the excuse he's given Jude, he has no other choice but to get his ass to Darius' office. He knocks on the door, walks in and ends up standing by the door stupidly.

"Yeah, T?" Darius asks with a puzzled if slightly amused look.

"Darius: if you're my friend at all, please just let me sit here in silence for a few minutes, OK? No question. Nothing."

Darius chortles. "I recognize a Jude daze when I see it on your face. Have a seat. I suppose this is about her song." Tommy nods. "Well, I can't wait to hear it. But since I _am _your friend, I won't ask anything more."

"Thank you," Tommy says, sitting down and holding his head between his hands.

* * *

Despite his best efforts to sneak out, Tommy gets caught by Sadie in the parking lot. "Why don't you come with us, Tom? I mean, isn't there a small part of you that wants to spend some time with Jude?"

He considers lying. He considers a non-committal answer. But it's always been hard for him to hide his feelings when it comes to Jude. "There is more than just a small part of me that wants to do that, Sadie."

"Then, come with us! We'll be a big group. Karma and Mason are meeting us over there. We're all working so hard: a night out could be fun. Remember fun?" Sadie asks, tilting her head with a smile.

Tommy smiles in return. "Yeah, I remember fun."

"Well, how about you come and enjoy some of it?"

"OK. I'll come, but only for a little while."

"And you won't avoid Jude?"

Tommy takes a deep breath. "I'll try my best."

At the pub, Kyle, Jake and Spied push several tables together, and Tommy takes a seat between Kiera and Karma, but can't escape Jude completely as she's seated right across from him. She seeks his gaze but he pretends to have a great many things to say to Kiera—which he does, in part.

Jude is sitting between Mason and Jake, and the three of them have a nice conversation going, though Jude's eyes keep on being drawn back to Tommy. She notices him ordering a ginger ale and nothing more, but then mentally scolds herself for scrutinizing him as though he was under a microscope.

When Tommy gets up to visit the men's room, Jake seizes the opportunity to take his seat next to Kiera and chat music with her.

While in the men's room, decidedly not feeling all that well, Tommy tries to think of a good reason to give so he can leave. He's tired; so tired the walk back to the table feels like a chore. When he gets back to the group and sees that the only free seat left is the one next to Jude, he almost bolts, but then he sees the hurt in her eyes. He can't do that to her. Taking a deep breath, he grabs the empty chair.

While everyone's chatting around them, Tommy and Jude stay silent; both staring nervously at the table.

"Sorry you have to sit next to me," Jude finally says in a small voice—so small, Tommy strains to hear it, but when he does, his heart sinks. Why must he always hurt her?

"I'm not," he replies. "I wanted to tell you that I love your song. With Darius' summon, I didn't have the chance to tell you. It's beautiful. And Jake was right about the cello."

"Thank you," she says, her eyes focussing on his hands—his hands crumpling a napkin nervously; the hands she loves so much; the hands she wishes she could feel on her skin, on her lips, on…

"I kind of wrote it for you," she says.

Tommy takes a moment to reply. "I'm glad I can still inspire you."

"I've missed you a lot," Jude says simply, unsure what kind of reaction she will get.

"I've missed you, too, Jude."

It's the way he says her name that makes her reach out to squeeze his hand, feeling that rush of electricity Jake mentioned earlier. Tommy turns his hand; palm up, to press hers. They stay like this for a short while before Tommy pulls his hand away and off the table; probably to rest on his lap. Unbeknownst to Jude, he makes a fist under the table. He finally turns his head towards her. "I think I'm going to head home. I'm really tired."

"You do look tired," she admits, looking at him as well. "Sadie told me about your technician quitting and your schedule being crazy."

Tommy nods. "I think insane might be a better word. But today wasn't so bad," he smiles faintly.

Jude smiles too. "It was great, actually."

"It was," he says softly before he gets up. "I'm going to go, guys," he says in a tone that sounds finite enough for Spied not to interject. "Have a good night."

But before he can go, Jude grabs his hand again. "Tommy, please tell me if I can help you, OK? With anything."

Tommy presses her hand before he lets it go. "Thank you. Have a good night, Jude."

As she watches him leave, Jude has to fight back the urge to run after him. But at least, this short—too short—moment together chases away some of the discouragement she felt earlier. But still, she wants more. She _needs_ more.


	14. Want

**A/N:** Chapter Fourteen—as promised!—and it's a biggie. We're nearing the end. Thank you so much for your reviews, **atthtt** and **ISfan94**! I think you will really like this chapter! :)

* * *

**Chapter Fourteen – Want **

That short moment of hope though is not to be repeated for Jude over the next week. Tommy is so busy: in meetings with Darius and Sadie; in the studio recording and mixing songs for the compilation; at the venue making sure everything is working out fine. The Grand Finale is actually a two-week event. Darius brokered a deal with several TV networks in America, Europe and Asia for broadcasts every night for two weeks: half an hour per night on the first week. Those short episodes will mostly be made up of footage from the rehearsals and short excerpts of songs that will be presented by the finalists. The first three nights of the final week will be one-hour broadcasts of performances from the finalists with comments from the three judges, as well as a performance from Mason on Monday, from Karma on Tuesday and from Jude on Wednesday. Finally, on Thursday, at the end of a two-hour special, Darius will announce the five grand finalists, with the winner set to be unveiled on the two-hour Friday broadcast during which Mason, Karma and Jude will each perform their song from the compilation.

But right now, on Friday—the eve of that second to last week—, surprisingly, the Grand Finale is the furthest thing from Darius' mind.

Darius is a man who's seen a lot and been through a lot, so he could probably count on the fingers of one hand—maybe two—the number of times when he's been stunned, truly stunned, but this moment almost beats them all. "I can't believe this." His eyes scan Tommy and he sees it now; the changes. Tommy's lost some weight, his skin has a strange texture and he looks paler than usual. How long have the changes slipped by, unnoticed by him? He suddenly feels a pang of guilt. Not liking the feeling, he lets some of his anger out on Tommy. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?" he accuses.

Tommy's eyes are cast down. In fact, he had pretty much announced the news to his shoes. "I guess… If I didn't talk about it, then it was—"

"Easier to ignore it."

"Yeah."

"Who's your physician?" Darius asks, softening his tone.

Tommy frowns. "Why do you want to know?"

"I want to make inquiries. I want to make sure you have the best care possible."

Despite their tumultuous history, Tommy is not surprised. It's just like Darius to want to take control even if things _are_ out of his control; to want to hire the best, thinking that it will make all the difference. "I have a good physician, D. She's an expert, and she's doing all that she can."

"Still. I want to know."

"Dr. Stella Boldsen," Tommy says, and Darius jots it down before he asks where Tommy is being treated so he can also make a note of it. And then, there's a heavy moment of silence. Pretty soon, Tommy just can't take it anymore. "Now I know why I was dreading this so much." He shakes his head. "It's started already: you no longer see me; you just see the disease."

"Can you blame me for being concerned?"

Tommy glares at him. "I don't want your pity, D. I need you to act normally. This is already hard enough."

"If there's anything I can do—"

"You can give me the time off after the Grand Finale, like I requested: that's what you can do," Tommy snaps, getting up, wanting more than anything to get the hell out of this office, of G-Major altogether.

"I'll tell Sadie to make the changes. But T, with the Finale—"

"I'll handle the Finale. Just give me the leave after," Tommy cuts in.

"You got it."

"Thanks," Tommy says, walking out without looking back.

He comes out of Darius' office completely exhausted; so exhausted he's actually considering leaving his precious car in the parking lot and hailing a cab to get home.

He comes down the stairs and sees a group assembled in the lobby: Spied, Kyle, Karma, Sadie, Jake, Mason, Jude… He aims quickly for the exit, hoping to leave unnoticed, but Spied turns around and catches him just as he's about to slip out. "Hey Quincy! We're all going for drinks. You're coming?"

Tommy stops in his tracks, his right leg itching to propel him forward. "Oh, not tonight, Vin. I'm beat. But you guys have fun."

"Ah, come on, Tom! You never hang out with us. Come."

"I did. That night at the pub."

"That was ages ago. Come on!"

Jude watches as Tommy pretends to think it over—though she knows he's not: in his mind, he's already out of here, already halfway back home.

"Another time, all right? I'm really wiped."

"OK, old man: another time. But I'll hold you to that," Spied concedes with a smile.

"Hey! When I was young, we had respect for our elders, kid!" Tommy quips, and Spied laughs.

"Oh yeah. I'm sure boyband you was _all_ about respect."

Tom laughs, and Jude enjoys the sound. "Now, listen: you can't hold a man responsible for what he does when he's forced to wear parachute pants!"

"Speaking of parachute, go on, dude. Fly out of here!"

The duo keeps trading jokes, and the whole exchange—though nice—still seems odd to Jude. She has yet to get used to Tommy and Spied getting on so well, like old chums. Lost in thoughts for a short while, a smile curls up her lips. When she comes back to the present time, she notices Tommy staring at her. Her smile grows wider until she sees something dark appearing in his eyes. Sadness mixed in with something else. Regret? Yes, but something more.

She steps forward before Tommy can shake himself out of it and slip out of the building. "If you want to go, I can sit this one out," she says softly now that she's near enough to keep their conversation quiet.

"Oh no, Jude, that's not it. I really am tired. Anyway, you're only here for a short while still. You shouldn't keep yourself from hanging out with your friends because of anyone, least of all me." He didn't mean to say so much—especially not to mention her impending departure though it's on his mind despite everything else he's got going on.

"You're sure it's not me?" she asks, not quite convinced.

"Absolutely," he smiles faintly. "I'm really beat."

And now that he's saying it, she notices again what she had caught earlier in a brief moment when they had been in the same space together: his face is clammy even a little pasty. He doesn't look well. And before she can even think about it, her hand reaches up to touch his cheek; he's feverish. Subtly, almost imperceptibly, he draws back so her hand falls down. She knits her brows, but pulls her hand back and shoves it in her pocket. "You have a fever," she says quietly, her voice serious.

"Yeah. I think I'm coming down with something."

"Are you sure you're OK, Tommy?" she asks, looking at him straight, but he casts his eyes downward.

"Probably just a cold or something. A good night sleep is all I need, I'm sure."

She nods but she doesn't believe him. There's something else. She's positive there's something more.

"I'll see you later, Jude," Tommy says, looking up briefly. He's anxious to escape her gaze. "Have fun tonight!" And without waiting for her reply, he turns on his heels and heads quickly for the exit.

* * *

Though Jude tries to enjoy the night out with her friends, in her head, she keeps seeing Tommy's clammy face and that strange darkness in his eyes.

As though reading her mind, Karma takes her hand and leads her to the ladies' room so they can have some privacy. As soon as they get inside, Karma makes Jude spin around to face her. "I told you before, Jude: I don't believe in subtlety. You want Tommy? I say you go get him."

Jude is not so convinced. She remembers a time when she decided to go to him though he had specifically asked her not to, and the result had been heartbreaking. Her experience in New Brunswick is still very fresh in her memory. "He didn't look well. I'm worried: that's all."

Karma gives her a wink and a mischievous smile. "All the more reason to go and play the nurse."

"Sounds tempting," Jude chuckles. "I'm just not sure Tommy would welcome it."

Karma clicks her tongue. "Jude: what do you have to lose? Stop beating around the bush and go get your man already!"

Jude gives her a frank and amused smile, feeling encouraged. "I think I will."

* * *

It's a little past nine when Kwest knocks at Tommy's door with his medication; a prescription he had forgotten to fill and asked his best friend to pick up at the drugstore. _Too exhausted_, Tommy had said. The bag is stapled shut, but the brief look the pharmacist gave him when she handed it over has Kwest on edge. Seeing Tommy when he opens the door doesn't help to ease the sensation. "Whoa," he says. "What's going on?"

"I told Darius today," Tommy says, stepping aside to let Kwest come in.

"Shit."

"Yeah."

"You look—"

"Bad. I know. It was harder than I thought."

"How did he react?"

"Typical Darius. He was angry I didn't tell him sooner and then he tried to take control."

"What do you mean?" Kwest asks, subtly steering Tommy towards the couch so he can sit while he goes to fetch him a glass of water from the kitchen nearby.

"Wanting to know the name of my physician, worrying about work, that kind of thing."

"You asked for the time off after the Grand Finale?" Kwest asks, taking a glass out of the cupboard.

"Yeah. Indefinite leave. Fuck, I hate the sound of that."

Kwest fills the glass and brings it to Tommy. "But that's what it is."

Tommy shakes his head. "It just sounds too much like _definitive_, you know?"

Kwest nods—yeah, he gets it. He gets it too well. "Darius won't tell Derek, though, right?"

"Derek quit," Tommy says before swallowing his pill.

"What?!"

"Yeah, a little over a week ago. I didn't tell you?"

"No! Who's replaced him?"

"No one."

"What?!"

Tommy shrugs. "Darius couldn't find anybody ready to jump in. The people he saw needed training, and there's no time for that."

"So you've been doing everything yourself?"

"Well, Sophie, the technician working with Matt, has been helping a little, but Matt's producing schedule is really full since I can't produce much except for the compilation. Darius pitches in when he can and Spied and Kyle have been helping too. Even Jake helped me just yesterday."

"Still, T, that's crazy!"

"Yeah, it is, but what can I do? I can't quit on Darius, too!" Tommy runs a hand on his face. "I've got to hit the sack, man. Thanks for picking this up for me," he says, motioning to the bag. "I really appreciate it."

"Anytime. You know that. I'm going to stick around for a bit in case you need anything else."

Tommy stands and squeezes Kwest's shoulder as he walks past on his way to the bedroom.

* * *

Knowing it's probably a mistake, knowing she is doing the opposite of what good sense screams at her to do, Jude parks her car in front of his building. She remains seated behind the wheel for a few minutes, debating it once again, listening to the loud voice that tells her to just go home. _Home_, she thinks, and she's a little shocked by a strong urge to cry. She shouldn't be here. But then, she remembers how restless she's been the whole night, her mind incessantly going back to him. After a year spent an ocean apart—a year over which she never let herself even think of him—how is it possible that she can't rest tonight without knowing that he's OK?

In the end, she pushes herself out of the car, summoning some of Karma's boldness. What else is there to do?

The doorman, who recognizes her from when she used to be a frequent visitor, smiles when she approaches the desk. She pats her pocket. She still has his key. Tommy never asked for it back so she never gave it to him. "Haven't seen you in a long while, Miss Harrison."

"I know. I've been abroad this past year. How are you, James?" she smiles.

"Very well, miss. And yourself?"

"Pretty well, thanks."

"I assume you still know the way?"

"Eighteenth floor."

"Elevators are still on the right. Have a good evening, miss."

"You too, James."

She pushes the button, waits for the ding and hurries before she loses her nerve. The elevator is empty and doesn't make any other stop, so she's quickly taken to the eighteenth floor. Another ding and the door opens. She steps out in the hallway and makes a left, her breath trapped in her throat. In front of his door, she shakes her shoulders, her head and her arms, like she's trying to get a grip, like she's getting ready for a fight.

_He might not be so happy to see me_, she thinks. _In fact, he might be downright pissed._ She almost turns back, but she knows, in her heart of heart, that if she goes back downstairs, it will only be to get back here in a short while. _Once I know he's OK, I'll leave. Everything will be all right. _

Taking a deep breath, she lifts her fist and knocks, quietly. Soon enough, she hears movement on the other side and the door opens. "Kwest?"

"Jude!" he exclaims with a puzzled look. "What brings you by?" he asks, a tad worried about her answer.

"Oh. Well, Tommy didn't look well when he left G-Major earlier and, uh… Well, I guess I was checking up on him." The last few words are barely audible, but Kwest catches them. Realising that he's been blocking the entrance, he shuffles back in and motions for her to get in.

"Tommy's asleep," he says while thinking of a way to explain his presence here. "He realised when he got back home that he was out of flu medicine. Since he wasn't feeling so hot, he called to ask if I could pick some up for him and swing it by." Kwest looks at Jude intently to see if she's buying it. It _is_ partially true, though it's not flu medicine Kwest brought.

"Oh. How is he now?"

"I think the medicine knocked him out. He's been out cold for a while. I was just hanging around in case he woke back up and needed something else, but I think he's down for the night."

"Good. That's good," she says nervously. "He seemed really out of it earlier."

"Yes, I suppose he was since you came all the way here," Kwest says with a smirk.

"I guess some things never change," she replies before she can realise what she's saying.

"I guess so." Kwest smiles and motions towards the living room.

They both walk to the leather couch. Sitting at an angle so she can face Kwest, Jude lets her eyes linger on the view. She can see the lake from here, and the traffic of cars moving in and out of the city's core. "Do you think it's too late, Kwest?" she asks without looking at him, and he's grateful for that small favour because it gives him time to keep the truth from shining in his eyes.

"I think you're asking the wrong person."

Jude sighs. "I really messed things up, uh?"

More than ever, Kwest wishes Tommy had taken his advice and told Jude the truth about his condition already. Jude needs to be told. She had to know if Tommy… Jude should know that Tommy could be dying. But he had sworn Tommy he would not say a word unless he chickened out until the very end. He couldn't betray his best friend's trust, could he?

"Maybe you should talk to Tommy about it?"

Jude sighs again. "He's avoiding me. I can't blame him. And what am I supposed to do? Trap him for a secret, private meeting?" She barks a little laugh.

"Well Jude, you're here. He's here. You could wait for him to wake up."

Jude gapes at Kwest. Surely, he doesn't suggest she spends the night here? "I'm not sure Tommy would be happy to find me here when he wakes up."

In truth, he shares her opinion. Chances are Tommy will be pissed, though a bigger part of him thinks it might force the issue, might urge Tommy to tell her everything; his disease, his love for her, the reality that he may be dying. "Listen, Jude: I won't lie to you. Anyway, you know Tommy. He's protective of his privacy, so yeah, there's a chance he will be pissed, but I also know he won't have the heart to kick you out. And I guess staying would achieve the whole _trapping him_ part," he chuckles.

Jude ponders on this for a short while. At this point, what does she have to lose?

Kwest nods, realising she's made her decision. "Well, since you're here. I think I'll go. I doubt Tommy will wake up until the morning, but if there's anything, call me, OK?"

"I will. And thanks, Kwest," Jude says, getting up to give him a hug.

* * *

At around three am, Tommy is awoken by a vivid dream. It takes him a moment to realise he is in fact in his bed and not in the hospital. He brings his hand to his face and feels the perspiration all over his forehead and neck. He gets up and heads for the kitchen to grab a glass of water, but when he gets there, he catches the light from the television. Thinking it's probably Kwest who stayed too long and fell asleep on the couch, he hails: "What are you still doing here?" On the couch, someone stirs and moves up in a seated position. "Jude?"

"Hi, Tommy," she says with a sheepish smile.

"What are you doing here?" he says, walking towards the couch.

"Well, I-I guess I came to check up on you. I was worried."

Seeing her here after the dream that just woke him up with a start, seeing the worry in her eyes; it makes Tommy feel at once vulnerable and unguarded. Unbeknownst to him, he lets the barriers drop and looks at her with so much love in his eyes. Really, she was the only one he wanted to see after that horrible dream.

So he's giving her the look—_her_ look. Unable to hold back any longer, she gets up and closes the gap between them. Her hand reaches out to circle his neck and she brings him down, brings herself up, ready to just feel his lips on hers again. His breath caresses her face and mouth. She closes her eyes, expecting, hungering, needing, and then Tommy pulls back. "No, Jude. We can't." And just like that, the gap is back, wider than ever. Insurmountable.

Fighting back tears, she whispers, "I really messed everything up, didn't I?"

"No, that's not it—"

"No, Tommy, I did," she almost yells. "I should never have let a whole year go by. I should've reached out, called. Now, you don't want me anymore—"

"I _always_ want you, Jude," he interrupts, and the tone of his voice takes hers away momentarily. His eyes—a whirlwind of emotions—are fixed on her. "I've been wanting you almost since the day I've met you. Hell, I want you now," he adds, almost in a whisper.

"Then why are you pushing me away?" she asks, her voice little.

Tommy sighs and sinks on the couch. He's not sure he can stand anymore. The painkillers may be stronger, but their effect has grown weaker. He shakes his head, not wanting to think about it, but the disease is so huge, it takes half the space in his brain. Right now, Jude occupies the other half. He wants to tell her—_needs_ to tell her. The time has come. But he's already told Darius today, and it was hard. It made everything so goddamn real.

Meanwhile, Jude is gaping at him, still processing his words. _I _always_ want you, Jude… Hell, I want you now. _Looking at him, she realises that she does as well. In every sense of the word. She wants him in her life; yes; but she also _wants_ him, wants his body pressed against hers; wants his hands all over her, her hands all over him; she wants his cheeks, his forehead, his lips, his neck, his chest, his arms, his legs, his buttocks, his penis—everything.

When Tommy looks up, he sees that she's flushed. He blocks that vision out of his mind. He can't. _They_ can't. "This isn't real," he says, casting his eyes down.

She's waiting for him to continue, to say that _this_ moment isn't real, but when he stays silent, she asks: "What isn't real?"

Tommy looks up again. "This. I mean, you being back here isn't real. It's like a vacation. You're only here for, what, another fifteen days?"

"You've counted the days?"

"You _know_ I've counted the days."

"Counted the days until I'm out of your life?" she asks dryly.

"No. Counted for how long I'll still have the chance of seeing you almost every day. I have missed that, you know."

"I thought you were avoiding me."

"Not exactly, Jude. I've avoided being alone with you, yes, but not you altogether."

Now that she thinks about it, she realises it's true. He hasn't avoided the group meetings. He even stuck around to see her jam with the boys. He hasn't been going out with them much, pleading exhaustion, but he did come once. Looking at him now, she sees that he does look exhausted.

But the end result is still the same: he's avoided time alone with her, which means they've had no moments _en tête-à-tête_, as he would say.

"It's been so nice to see you play music again," he says. "Not to mention to hear you sing again. I've always loved your voice, Jude. And I won't say my heart hasn't leaped every day at the thought of seeing you. But like I said, it's not real. Soon, you'll be back to your reality, and I'll be back to mine. And we can't let a vacation fling happen between us."

"But what if I told you I want us to try again?"

"It doesn't work that way."

"Why not?" she asks, frustrated. "And don't tell me you're not good enough for me, Tommy!"

He takes a moment to gather his thoughts, to find the right angle to reject her without giving her the impression that _she_ is rejected. "You're making a life for yourself. You're finding your voice. I don't think you're done yet, and I know I would stand in the way of that." Half of it is true—she is still finding her voice, though he knows he would be more than capable to give her the space she needs, when she needs it. But he's dying. Actually dying. He has ignored that truth for so long; but in the last few days, it's been hitting him like a wrecking ball. A sob—a fucking sob—is threatening to erupt from his throat. He swallows it down hard.

"You wouldn't stand in the way," she says, wondering why everyone seems to think she needs a wide way, free of people and interruptions, to get anything accomplished.

He has to tell her truth. Now. Right now. One deep breath and out with it. He brings his gaze back on her.

And he can't. Just can't. Can't find the words, the courage. It's all too much. So he takes the coward's way out. "You made the right decision when you left me. This," he says, pointing his finger from him to her, "it's just residual feelings."

"Come on, Tommy: it's more than that!"

"Maybe… But it's pointless. Let's just finish this Grand Finale, hug goodbye and go back to where we're supposed to be."

"So… that's it?" she asks in a frustrated tone. "You're fine with me slipping out of your life again?"

He's not fine with that. But what else can he say? _It won't matter soon enough because I probably won't be here?_ "Well, I hope we stay in touch this time around. Actually, I'd like that very much. But this has to be it until you're done figuring out what you want."

"I want you. Just like you want me," she says in a tiny voice.

"That's right now. You may feel differently once this whole thing wraps up and you're back in London."

"But," she begins, looking at him again, but stops short when she sees how pale he looks. Almost green. Here she is, debating their relationship in the middle of the night when she came here because she was worried given how sick he had looked earlier. "I should go. You need to rest."

"I do. But thank you for stopping by," he says, and though she's tempted to doubt the sincerity of his words, his expression tells her he actually means it. Despite everything, she can see on his face, in his eyes, that he was happy to find her here earlier.

She walks toward the door, but stops and turns back. "Can I just," she begins, her voice so low Tommy has to lean forward to hear. "Can I just hold you?" He looks so fragile, so lonely; the urge to hold him is irrepressible.

He shouldn't; he knows he shouldn't, but he wants to clasp her in his arms again. He wants to feel her body pressed against his. He wants to run his fingers on the small of her back. He wants to bury his head against her shoulder and her hair. The need is so strong, he ignores everything else and just gets up to walk to her.

Jude is taken aback when, wordlessly, Tommy wraps his arms around her and pulls her to him abruptly, almost brutally. His right hand snakes up between her shoulder blades to grip the nape of her neck and some of her hair; his left hand is splayed on her back; and his face is tucked where her right shoulder meets her neck. He presses his lips on her neck and she hears him murmur her name against her skin. Soon, she's surprised to realise that he actually began to kiss her neck. He moves his lips slowly to her jaw from where he leaves a trail of kisses ending right below her ear. Dozens, hundreds of shivers run up and down her spine when he captures her earlobe with his mouth, but under her own hands, she can feel bones in places where she remembers feeling muscles; she can feel weakness where there used to be strength. She wants to ask him what's wrong, but she knows that one word from her and Tommy will stop; he will remove his lips from her skin and pull away from her when all she wants is for him to hold her even tighter, almost to the point of bruising her skin.

So, even though it's nearly impossible, she presses herself closer and turns her head so her eyes meet his. She reads something dark in his; something festering underneath the desire, but soon he closes his eyes and his mouth crashes on hers. And the kiss makes her forget everything else: she just revels in it; in his lips, in his tongue probing hers, in his teeth nibbling on her lower lip. Finally, after a year away, she's home. The kiss seems to last a long time and yet ends too soon. Tommy pulls his mouth away but keeps Jude in his embrace. She tries to read his eyes but is only left with a feeling of dread. _What the hell is wrong?_ she worries. But aloud, she says, "See: it's not just residual feelings." And with those words, she breaks the spell.

"I know," he says simply, and his arms leave her. He takes two steps back, his eyes still on her. "But still, you need to go. Please, Jude: just go."

"You've said that to me before; after a kiss, and in almost those exact words," she says, hurt.

"I know. I'm sorry. But I really need you to go. Please," he implores.

She's not sure exactly what makes her obey—maybe because the Tommy in front of her is a stranger in his familiarity—but she does. However, before she passes the door, Tommy seems to shake himself out of his daze. "Are you OK to drive?" he asks, stepping closer to the door.

She snorts bitterly. "Yeah, your lips are not _that_ good," she says, regretting it almost instantly. Tommy flinches. "I'm sorry," she adds quickly. "I guess I'm frustrated."

"No, I'm sorry," he says and when he sees her expression, he amends: "Not sorry for the kiss: I could never be sorry for kissing you. But the timing… It's bad."

"I don't understand."

Tommy nods. "I promise to explain soon, OK? We will sit down and talk before you leave. But right now, I can't. I'm exhausted."

"I know," she says. "I shouldn't have come."

"You can always come here, Jude."

"But right now, you want me to go."

"I _need_ you to go if I'm to get some sleep."

"OK," she says turning around and opening the door.

"You _are_ OK to drive, though, right?"

"I'll be fine, Tommy." And she closes the door behind her before she can hear his reply—if there is even a reply.


	15. Hard Truths

**A/N: **Thank you again for all your comments! Such a joy to read them.

**ISfan94**: So interesting that you brought up Jude being vulnerable and unsure because that was intentional on my part. I swear I had planned the conversation between Sadie & Jude in this chapter before you posted that. But still, your comment was very inspirational! :)

* * *

**Chapter Fifteen – Hard Truths**

On Saturday morning, Tommy is sitting in the hospital's waiting room for his standing appointment. After Jude left his place early that morning, he managed to fall back asleep, but soon enough; another nightmare came to wake him up. Disoriented and scared (_like a little kid_, he thinks), his first instinct was to call out her name. But she was gone. Because he had asked her to leave. Raising himself in a seated position, his heart beating fast, he wished for a moment that he had asked her to stay so he could reach out and grab onto her in the night. And maybe watching her sleep would bring him some peace?

His phone rings and tears him from his thoughts: Darius. He picks up. "Quincy."

"Take the day off."

"D, I'm supposed to—"

"I asked Matt and Sophie and they agreed to come in tomorrow exceptionally. So they can record the song of the finalist I'll pick today. That'll only leave you with the mixing on Monday."

"Darius, I told you—"

"T, I don't want to hear it. I wish I could do more, but giving you a whole weekend off is better than nothing. Take it easy and I'll see you on Monday."

"Thanks," is all Tommy can manage to reply before Darius hangs up without another word. However, Tommy doesn't have much time to think about what just happened: the nurse calls his name.

In the small examination room, she checks his vitals and his weight, and Tommy sighs in relief when he sees the scale hasn't plunged further down.

"Things are looking better this week, uh? Have you taken the sleeping pills?"

"I have," Tommy admits, feeling slightly ashamed.

"There's no reason to feel embarrassed. That's why Dr. Bolden prescribed them to you."

As if on cue, the doctor walks in. After exchanging some hellos, she grabs Tommy's record. "This is looking good, Tommy. How's the pain?"

"The same."

She skims through the notes from the last appointment. "About five, down from seven? Still a true five?"

"Yes."

"The sleeping pills helped."

"Looks like it."

"I see you finally got around to telling your boss." Tommy frowns quizzically. "Darius Mills is scheduled for a test later today," she says, looking up.

Tommy is surprised. He had no idea Darius cared that much. He wonders now if he would've done the same for him. Of course, he would've gotten tested for Kwest in a heartbeat. And for Jude, he would do anything. He would be in that test room before she'd even finished telling him she's sick. But Darius? He had never really taken the time to think about it.

Dr. Boldsen watches Tommy as he is deep in thoughts. Though she cannot guess at them, she can imagine it to some extent. "People can surprise you, uh?"

"They sure can."

She presses his forearm. "I'm proud of you, Tommy. That was a big step." Then, after removing her hand, she proceeds with the other usual questions, though the appointment ends on a more personal note. "I hope the situation with the ex-fiancée gets resolved soon, too."

Tommy breathes in deeply, trying to chase away the vivid memory of holding Jude's body tightly against his chest. "Me too."

"One thing at a time. I'll be sure to let you know if Mr. Mills' results pan out."

"Thanks, doc."

* * *

On Saturday afternoon, Jude is sitting in the living room with her laptop and a large mug of coffee. After her late (or early) return from Tommy's place, sleep evaded her for a while, so naturally, when she got up, she had the house all to herself. Sadie was at work while Jake left a note about going out to explore the city. Jude suspected he was exploring with Kiera, but she didn't want to bring it up too fast. Jake's heart had been badly bruised by his last girlfriend. He was more than gun shy at this point.

So alone in the house, Jude is catching up on e-mails. She recorded a rough demo of a new song for her album, which she sent to Finn a few days back. His response now tells her he was impressed. Good. She wants to put out a solid album. She doesn't want the last year to have been all in vain. She doesn't want the heartbreak of losing Tommy to be without at least one reward.

She pushes her laptop aside and closes her eyes, reliving their three-am conversation, seeing again the look of desire in his eyes and feeling him—his scent, his hands, his lips—all around and over her. Bringing one hand up, she gently strokes the nape of her neck and her hair, imagining that it's Tommy doing it. Then her hand moves around her neck and down her throat and a sigh escapes her lips. That's when the front door opens and Sadie walks in.

"Well, looks like I'm interrupting a moment between you and… your hand. Interesting."

Jude blushes and laughs nervously. "Guess I was lost in thoughts."

"Let me guess: thoughts of the Tommy persuasion?" Jude smiles. "You came in late last night."

"Yeah, sorry. Did I wake you?"

"I'm a light sleeper, as you know," Sadie says, sitting next to Jude on the couch. "So how did it go at Tommy's?"

"I'm not even sure where to start."

"From the beginning?" Sadie smiles kindly.

Jude proceeds to tell her sister about her discussion with Kwest and then about what transpired between her and Tommy. "When he took me in his arms, Sadie, there was such… I don't know how to call it."

"The usual chemistry?" Sadie supplies.

"Well, yeah, but there was something else. I'm afraid to say it because it sounds so big, but… desperation? There's definitely something going on with him. I wish I knew what it was."

"Do you have any idea?"

Jude shrugs. "Maybe it has to do with his mom? Or his brother, maybe? I know he's not very close to them, but still, he would be affected if something did happen to them. Or…" Jude lapses into silence.

"Or?" Sadie pries gently.

"Or there's something wrong with _him_." Jude tucks her head between her hands. "I wish I knew. I wish he'd tell me."

Sadie does not say anything for a minute or two even though what she wants to ask is sitting on the tip of her tongue—_has been_ sitting on the tip of her tongue pretty much since Jude's been back. "You know what I don't get? Whatever happened to my headstrong little sister? The one who never gave up until she got what she wanted? You used to fight harder than this. Especially when it comes to Tommy. What's changed?"

"What's changed? What's changed is I left him, Sadie."

"Yes, but now you're here."

"I just… I know Tommy, and every time I'm about to confront him, I get paralyzed because I know that all he would need to do to shut me up would be to throw in my face the fact that _I_ left him. And he'd be right."

"But Jude, he's done it too and more than once."

"I know, but the fact remains: when he was ready to commit, I bolted."

"Maybe," Sadie says thoughtfully, "but Tommy gave you plenty of reasons to not trust his desire to commit."

Jude fixes her eyes on her sister. "You don't think he meant it?"

"No, I think he did. But that's the impression I get a year later. A year ago, I don't think I would've trusted it."

Jude takes a deep breath. "This is going to sound so stupid when I'm the one who broke off our engagement and left, but I was expecting him to follow, Sadie. The naïve, idiotic girl in me was expecting Tommy to fight for us for once. To not accept the rejection and just show up and _demand_ that I take him back because that's where he belongs—with me."

Sadie knits her brows. "Are you saying you broke off the engagement as a way to test Tommy? To test his commitment?"

"No, no. It wasn't a plan. It certainly wasn't premeditated. I broke it off because..." her voice trails off and Sadie reaches out to squeeze her shoulder encouragingly. Jude looks up with watery eyes. "Because I was scared. My whole world revolved around Tommy and I panicked when I realised it."

"I understand, Jude. Better than you might think." Sadie gives her a small smile. "So when Tommy didn't show up, you thought he had given up on you."

"It's so stupid." Jude wipes away the few tears that are threatening to roll down her cheeks now. She doesn't want to cry.

"It's not. You _have_ done most of the fighting in that relationship. It's only natural to want the guy you love to fight for you as well."

"Why do I feel like we're not only talking about Tommy anymore?" Jude asks, half-curious, half-hoping to shift the spotlight on her sister.

"You got quite perceptive in your twenties, little sister."

"Twenty, no S," Jude warns, shaking her index finger. "So, does that mean you still love Kwest?"

"I don't know. I haven't seen him in a long time. Since he quit G-Major, really."

"But he's on your mind?"

"Well, I guess it doesn't help that he gets mentioned around me all of a sudden."

"By me. Sorry, Sadie."

"You have no reason to be sorry! But hearing about him brought back some questions to the surface, I guess." Sadie tilts her head and smiles wryly. "Looks like we're both dealing with things left unresolved, uh?"

"Yeah," Jude nods.

"You know, Jude. Even if Tommy does bring up the fact that you left him, it'd be easy for you to reply that he's left you first."

"It would, but then what would happen? The sound of a conversation coming to a screeching halt."

"He could surprise you and not bring it up."

"True. But Tommy does go for the easy kill when he wants to avoid talking about something. And he certainly wants to avoid talking about whatever's going on with him."

Sadie muses on this a moment. "But last night, he told you in no uncertain terms that you're still all he thinks about. I'd say that's worth taking the risk of hitting a wall. Think about it."

* * *

Early on Monday, Darius receives a much unexpected visitor in his office; probably the last person he expected to see, not only in his office but in the building altogether: Kwest. Once he's over the initial shock, he motions to a chair in front of his desk. "To what do I owe this surprise visit?"

Kwest sits down, hardly believing himself that he is here and what he's about to do. "I've come to ask you to hire me."

Dumbfounded, Darius replies, "You want to come back to work here?"

"No, not _here_ here. I want you to hire me as a technician for the rest of the Finale."

"What?" Darius asks, slightly amused.

"Listen, there's no love lost between us: we both know that. But I also know that Tom finally told you what's going on with him."

Darius' face grows solemn. "Yeah. I got tested Saturday, to no avail."

If Kwest is surprised, he manages to hide it. "That was decent of you."

"Hey, T and I may have had our issues in the past, but this is serious. I still can't really believe it, you know?"

"Yeah, tell me about it."

"How long have _you_ known?" Darius asks, still trying to put together all the pieces of the puzzle in his mind.

"About six months. I asked too many questions; he let it slip, and then made me promise to keep it to myself."

"Damn."

"I think it's the hardest secret I've ever had to keep," Kwest says, staring off in the distance, almost forgetting to whom he is talking.

"So I'm right in assuming that Jude doesn't know." Kwest nods yes. "That's not right."

"I gave him an ultimatum. If he doesn't tell her by the time she leaves, I will."

"Good. She _should_ know."

"But Darius, this schedule you've got him on; he can't do it. Of course, he refuses to admit it. He's still denying reality half of the time. And to top it all off, there's Jude—"

"I'm aware it's a crazy schedule," Darius cuts in. "Hell, I've pitched in myself, and I intend to continue until it's done. But my technician just quit on me right in the middle of everything, and hiring someone who's green would be no help to T."

"That's why I want you to hire me."

"What about your job at NBR?"

"I worked it out so I can get the time off. So you don't even have to pay me. I'll be on paid vacation."

"Hey! I _always_ pay my people."

"Does that mean I'm hired?"

"You're really willing to work for me again?" Darius asks with an arched brow.

"In reality, I'll be working for Tom, no? I'm willing to do _that_. T and I work well together and he needs my help."

Darius grins. "Then you're hired. And I'll even give you a producer rate. I think Tom's in Studio A right now. Go tell him he's got himself a new technician."

"Thanks," Kwest says getting up.

"And Kwest? You're a really good friend. I respect that. I also expect you to tell me if there's anything else I can do."

Kwest nods and walks out, heading straight for Studio A. Now that he's got Darius' OK, he's actually a little worried about Tommy's reaction. Tommy has been leaning a little more on him lately—little being the operative word—but Kwest knows it's hard for him to show any kind of weakness. When he gets to the booth, he knocks and at Tommy's answer to come in, he does.

Tommy looks up in shock. "Hey! What brings you here?"

"I'm here to work," Kwest says matter-of-factly, like this is the most natural thing in the world. "Just tell me what you need."

"What do you mean, you're here to work? What did you do?" Tommy asks warily.

"Got Darius to hire me for the next couple weeks, until the end of the Finale. So it looks like you get to order me around again. You should like that." Kwest smirks.

"What about NBR?"

Kwest shrugs. "I'm on vacation."

Tommy laughs dryly. "And you choose to spend your vacation working? For Darius of all people?"

Kwest looks straight at Tommy, his face serious. "I choose to spend my vacation helping my best friend." After a moment of silence, Tommy nods. "So: what can I do?"

"Well, I could use a second set of ears on the tracks I've just finished mixing."

"My ears are yours," Kwest says with a smile before turning around in the booth. "Hey! What happened to the couch that was in here?"

"Sadie moved it out. Feng shui." Tommy rolls his eyes while Kwest chuckles and nods his head slowly. "By the way: are you going to be OK with that? You _will_ see her around, you know?"

"If I can get the couch back, I can handle anything."

"I think it's been sent to Studio C. That's where all the rejected stuff seems to end up."

"I'll go on a quest. Ha! See what I did there?" Kwest laughs at his own joke while Tommy smiles.

"Let me help."

"Nah, I'll find someone. Spied must be around."

"Kwest: I can move a couch."

"Doesn't mean you have to," Kwest smiles. "I'll find Vin."

"Actually, he's probably in Studio C himself. He's rehearsing a song for his album. We'll record it later or tomorrow if I don't have the time today."

"Perfect. I'll be right back."

Kwest heads quickly for Studio C, only realising once he's about to walk in that he'll have some explaining to do. "Hey, guys," he says, and four surprised pairs of eyes look up to him.

"Dude! What are you doing here?" Spied exclaims.

"I'll be your technician for the next two weeks. So if I were you, I'd be nice to me and help me move that couch, 'cause I can make you sound really bad with just one push of a knob," Kwest grins.

"Wait… what?" Jude pipes in.

"Yeah. I'm filling in for Derek until the end of the Finale."

"And Jamie okayed this because…?"

"Because I'm technically on vacation," Kwest smiles before turning his head back towards Spied. "So: want to help me move this couch?"

"Sadie is not going to be happy, dude."

"Well then, she'll just have to ask you guys to move it back in two weeks."

"I'll help, mate," Jake chimes in. "I think Spied is just killing time because he can't move it."

Kyle bursts out laughing. "I think you're right!"

"Whatever," Spied mumbles, though he can't help but smile.

* * *

"Aaaah, now that's better!" Kwest says, sinking into the couch.

"I'm surprised your first priority wasn't to head for hospitality for a snack," Tommy smirks.

"All in good time. So, do you have those tracks ready for me?"

But Tommy is interrupted by a knock on the door. _What now? _he thinks, though he's glad to have Kwest in the booth with him. "Come in."

"Tommy, I had a look at… Wait: what is this couch doing here? I thought I... Kwest?"

Kwest springs up from the couch and holds himself straight like a soldier standing guard. "Sorry, Sadie. I'm the one who brought it back in."

"Wh-What are you doing here?"

"Darius hired me. Temporarily," he adds when he sees her shocked expression. "For the Finale. I'll be T's technician."

"Oh," she says, rendered a tad speechless. "Well… I'm sure Tom appreciates it." Kwest nods, and Sadie turns her attention back to Tommy. "Can I speak to you for a minute?"

"Sure. Go ahead."

"Hmm… In private?"

Tommy nods and points towards the studio. "Be right back, Kwest."

They walk into the studio, and Tommy closes the door behind him. "Tom: I just got a request from Darius to clear out your schedule entirely after the Grand Finale. Excuse me for being blunt, but you're not planning on taking off again, are you?"

Tommy raises his eyebrows. "Whoa. What makes you think that?"

"Uh, I don't know: the fact that there is no date planned for your return?"

"Ever heard of an open-ended vacation, Sadie?"

Sadie stares at him hard. "Are you planning on running away from Jude again?"

"Sadie, by the time I go on vacation, Jude will be back in London. This has nothing to do with her. I've been working hard. I'm tired. I need some time off. And I don't know how much time off I need, so Darius agreed to leave it open. That's it."

Sadie searches his face, but Tommy keeps a neutral expression. She sighs. "I hope you're telling the truth." And with that, she walks away.

Tommy returns to the booth.

"What was that all about?"

"What do you think?"

"Jude?" Tommy nods. "Well, speaking of Jude, how did it go Friday night... Or should I say, Saturday morning?" Kwest cocks an eyebrow.

"Ah, you're the one who let her in."

"Who else?"

"Good point. I have to say I was surprised to find her on my couch at 3 am when I was expecting to find you."

"Well, she's a lot cuter than I am," Kwest says with a smirk. "So, what happened?"

Tommy shakes his head. "I was stupid. I let my guard down, basically told her I always wanted her and then I kissed her."

"That was to be expected."

Tommy glares at his friend. "But don't you see how stupid that was? I was doing a good job at avoiding her and now I kissed her and had to reject her—that's the last thing I wanted to do."

Kwest grabs a pair of headphones and plugs them in. "If you ask me, trying to avoid her is stupid."

"How can you of all people say that? You know the truth!" Tommy blows up.

"Yeah, I know the truth, T. But I also know how you feel about her, and so I'm telling you once again: avoiding her is stupid. Why don't you try to be her friend instead?"

"Come on, Kwest: you know as well as I do that I failed miserably every time I tried to only be Jude's friend."

Kwest shakes his head. "I don't agree."

Tommy looks at him in disbelief. "I was a lousy friend to her, and you know it. I… I always wanted more."

"That's bullshit. Were you not a good friend to her when she was nervous about that video with Shay? Were you not a good friend to her when Liam barred her from here? Were you not a good friend when her mom left? How about when you agreed to do that idiotic Japanese shampoo commercial with her? Or going to a spa to convince Darius to let her remix her album? And were you not a good friend when you let her go so she could spread her wings?"

Tommy chuckles dryly. "You're conveniently leaving out all the times when I hurt her, when I pushed her away, when I ran away from my feelings."

"And that's my point exactly. What the fuck are you doing, T? I mean, yeah, I know you've hurt her, and I know you never were _just_ her friend because, well, you're in love with her, but exactly what are you trying to accomplish by keeping her at arm's length?"

"I'm trying to protect her," Tommy says slowly, his voice low.

"Yeah? Well that's an exercise in futility because you're going to have to tell her the truth anyhow."

"Only because you gave me an ultimatum!" Tommy snaps.

Kwest takes a step forward and stands close enough to Tommy to put a hand on his shoulder. "You're going to have to tell her the truth because it's the right thing to do, and you know it. Answer me this honestly, T: what do you know about her life in London? I mean, save from what you learned over that super quick phone call a month ago?"

That question gives Tommy pause. "Nothing," he is forced to admit.

"Exactly. You care about Jude and you don't want her to think otherwise, right? Then start there! Be a friend! Ask her about her life."

Tommy bobs his head in shock. "You're right. I've been selfish, as usual."

Kwest squeezes Tommy's shoulder. "That's not what I meant. You've got something huge going on and you don't feel ready to let her in. I get that. I have no idea how I would react if I were in your situation. It must be terrifying. But you love Jude. Even after a year apart, she's still the only one you want. You don't want to hurt her, but you're not ready to tell her the truth: fine. At least, you could ask to be let in into her life, no? Stop running away from her. If you don't want to hurt her again, then don't!"

"I will hurt her when I tell her the truth."

"Yeah. She will be crushed. But there's nothing you can do about that. You didn't choose to be sick. But you _can_ choose to act like a friend." Kwest casts his eyes down and lowers his voice near a rumble. "I hate to bring this up because it's hard for me to think about, and I can't imagine how hard it must be for you." He looks up again, eyes fixed on Tommy. "Tom, now that your future is so uncertain, I cannot believe that you don't want Jude nearby. Don't let fear get in the way."

Tommy feels a lump growing in his throat. He swallows it hard. "I _am_ terrified. Since she's been back, everything has gotten more real. But you're right. Even though I'm scared shitless, I do want her near."

"Good." Sensing Tommy has had enough, Kwest pulls the swivel chair and sits down, headphones wrapped around his neck. "And now, I'm going to stop nagging and get working," he smirks.

Tommy gives him a crooked smile. "You didn't nag. You told me the truth. I needed that. Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"No, I mean it. I already see how differently Darius is acting around me, but you: you stayed the same. You're giving me some normalcy, and you have no idea how much I appreciate that right now. Not to mention, you're _here_! I don't know how I got so lucky. I certainly didn't do anything to deserve such a good friend. So, thank you. Sincerely."

"We've been friends a long time, T. You're like my brother. So please, enough with the self-loathing. You're a good guy faced with a terrible situation. But since you're also the most stubborn man I know, sometimes, you need a swift kick in the ass. And who better than me to do that?" Kwest winks and puts on the headphones. "So? Which tracks am I listening to?"

* * *

Despite Darius' order that he 'just go home'; Tommy winds up back at G-Major on Monday night after the live taping of the first finalist's performance at the venue. In the lobby, he is greeted by the cacophony of Vin rehearsing in Studio C. Through the twangs and the licks, he can hear the skeleton of a song that shows some promise and he's actually looking forward to recording it tomorrow morning. If there's one thing that this whole World Instant Star Finale has accomplished so far, it's making Tommy realise just how good he normally has it with his artists. Producing Kiera and Vin is a dream compared to dealing with a bunch of amateurs. He tries to reflect back on his first meeting with Jude: was it as bad? A smile appears on his lips when he pictures 15-year-old red-haired Jude. Oh yeah, she was a handful of a spitfire, but the raw talent, he saw it from the get-go, which is why he had pushed her so hard.

_Kwest was right_, Tommy muses. _I do need her_.

However, Tommy didn't think he would get his chance right now. He didn't think he would open the door to find Jude asleep on the couch Kwest moved in the booth that very morning. But there she is, curled up on her left side, facing the back of the couch, her arms wrapped around her torso as though she's cold, even in her sleep. He shoulders off his leather coat and places it delicately on her sleeping form. He can't resist the urge to brush off the hair that fell on her face. But then he steps away, afraid to wake her up. He grabs a chair and sits next to her for a while, just watching her sleep, and like he suspected a couple days ago, it does bring him peace. "If you only knew how much I love you, girl," he murmurs, stroking her cheek, before turning away and pushing his swivel chair toward the soundboard to grab his headphones and work on what he needs to get done before he can call it a night.

He focuses on the task at hand, stealing a glance over at Jude from time to time, and thinking back on Kwest's words. About half an hour later, Jake comes barging in. "Jude, love, you're ready to…" His voice trails off when he sees Jude asleep on the couch with Tommy seated at the soundboard nearby.

Tommy turns around, removing his headphones on one side. "You're going home?"

"Yes, all done in Studio C. Spiederman says he thinks you'll be impressed," Jake says with a wink.

Tommy smirks. "I'm sure he did." Then, pointing at Jude, he adds, "I can take her home later. I think she needs the rest."

Jake nods. "You don't mind?"

Tommy averts his gaze a little, but Jake catches a faint smile on his lips. "No, I don't mind."

Jake lingers a moment, weighing the pros and cons of saying what he's thinking. In the end, he finds he cares too much about Jude not to speak up. "All right, but I have to tell you something." Tommy's nostrils flare up, and Jake braces himself but he continues. "I know this is none of my business, and I reckon you're quite tempted to tell me just that; I wouldn't blame you if you did."

"I won't," Tommy says, looking up.

"I know you care for her, Tom, and I can see something's troubling you. What that is, now that is definitely none of my concern, but Jude's my friend. I've seen her cry a few times over the last weeks. I know things are complicated between the two of you, and, as is the case for most things in life, you probably both share a part of the blame. I won't play the shrink with you: who needs that? But can you promise me to be nice?"

"I _can_ promise you that."

Jake nods. "Good. Then I guess I'm done sticking my beak in. See you tomorrow, Tom."

"See ya, Jake."

* * *

Tommy wraps things up about an hour later, when his watch reads a little past ten. He gets up from his chair and walks to the couch. He gazes at Jude for a moment longer before he bends over and gently shakes her shoulder. "Jude. Jude, wake up."

Jude stirs and turns slightly towards him. Before she opens her eyes, she feels the added weight on her upper body and, of course, she smells the difference—Tommy's scent. Her eyes flutter open and she sees him, looking down at her with a soft smile on his lips. "Tommy?" she asks, a little confused, her heart beating fast.

"Hey, Sleeping Beauty. Ready to go home?"

Those words do nothing to dissipate Jude's confusion. Go home? He's taking her home? And calling her 'Sleeping Beauty'? "How long was I asleep?" she asks, feeling a little bit like Rip Van Winkle.

"Uh, I'm not sure. I found you here a little over an hour ago. I guess you got tired of Spied's rehearsal extravaganza?"

And with that, she's back to reality: she had slipped out of Studio C to rest a little until the boys were done. "Where's Jake?"

"He left a while ago. I told him I'd take you home. You're ready to go?"

Jude sits up, hugging his coat against her chest. "You volunteered to take me home?"

"I did. I thought we could use the time to catch up."

"Catch up?" she asks with knitted brows.

"Yeah. I realised I don't know much about your life in London, but I'd like to change that. So, what do you say? I drive you home and you tell me about it?" Tommy gives her a shy smile—the kind of smile he knows Jude finds hard to resist.

Jude smiles back. "How can I refuse? Looks like I was left stranded here."

"You could always call a cab."

"Wouldn't be as comfortable as your Porsche, though."

Tommy smirks. "Not to mention a lot less stylish."

Jude gets up and reluctantly relinquishes his coat and the pair heads for the exit. Tommy expects a stop at Studio C, but Jude goes right for the main entrance. "You don't have a coat?"

"Left it in my car."

Without another word, Tommy takes off the coat he just put on and places it on her shoulders. Jude gapes at him in amazement while Tommy smiles. "Come on."

"OK. Who are you?" Jude asks, stopping in her tracks, and Tommy is forced to walk back from the door.

"I thought you of all people would know who I am," he smirks.

"Tommy…"

He nods. "I know. Let's just say that Kwest gave me a good talking to."

"What did he say?"

"Since you've been back, I… I just don't know how to act around you. It's awkward as hell, and I know that's largely my fault. I'm also overworked, which doesn't help. But Kwest reminded me that first and foremost, you and I were friends, and I guess I'd like to try to be that, if you'll let me."

Jude bobs her head in surprise. "I'd like that, but Tommy, we—"

"We have other things to settle: I'm aware of that. But for the time being, can we just let it drop and be friends?"

She nods. "We can. But you have to know that I'll hold you to the promise you've made to me of telling me what seems to be bothering you so much."

"I know. Trust me: I know. But do you agree to drop it until the Finale is done? And then we'll sit down, like I promised, and I'll tell you everything." He pauses, then adds in a quiet voice, "Before you fly back."

She doesn't want to think about leaving him again—not tonight—so she extends a hand to shake his with a smile. "Deal."

"Thank you. Well then, let's go."


	16. The Long Ride Home

**A/N: **I had planned to make the ride home part of the next chapter, but it took a mind of its own, which is not such a bad thing as I like the end result a lot. So I'm posting it as a stand-alone chapter.

Huge thanks again for your comments – you guys are awesome! Hope you like this chapter. Say hello if you have a minute! :)

* * *

**Chapter Sixteen – The Long Ride Home**

"So… London?" Tommy asks a little bit into the drive.

The first few minutes were spent in uncomfortable silence—the theory of being friends obviously quite different from the practicality of it. And the intimate and very enclosed space of the Porsche's cabin where they breathe in the same air and can smell each other's distinctive and intoxicating scents doesn't help with keeping thoughts in neutral, friendly territory. So for those first few minutes, Jude just stared at Tommy's right hand moving between the steering wheel and the gear shift lever and imagined feeling it again on her skin; on her throat, right against her pulse. Her heart raced, her hand itched to grab his hand, to run up his arm and down his thigh…

And then Tommy's question managed to stir her from that decidedly non-friendly train of thoughts. "Uh… What do you want to know?"

Tommy hesitates. "Well… Let's start with something easy like how's your place?"

"Small," Jude chuckles, and Tommy smiles. "Make that _very_ small, though I do have a close bedroom, which is apparently a rare thing in a London flat, so I can't complain."

"Your building is safe? Your neighbourhood?"

She raises her chin up so her eyes are now levelled with his face rather than his hands, and she sees him frowning slightly. "It's safe. Security and everything. And it's close to the label, so I got to know the neighbourhood very well."

"That's good. And, uh," he says with a crooked smile, "have you learned to feed yourself?"

"Not very well," she smiles, "but I manage. I even got the hang of the whole boiling water thing." Tommy smiles, but then silence sets in again and makes a minute seem to stretch on forever. "This is harder than you thought, uh?" Jude says.

"Uh, not hard exactly, but awkward," he chuckles nervously. "So tell me: what's a typical day like for you over there?"

"Depends on whether or not I'm in the studio. If I am, it's usually on afternoons and evenings—Finn is even less of a morning person than I am, if you can believe it."

"Actually, I don't think I can."

Jude smiles. "Well, it's all true! The label has rehearsal spaces, but they're more like small cubicles, so if I use them, it's usually by myself."

"How is it working with Finn Bradfield? He's kind of a legend in the producing world, you know."

"Finn's great. He's a quiet, burly kind of a man. And he's all about improvisation. When I get in his studio, he gives me free rein, and he just listens until he hears what he wants to hear. It was a little confusing and intimidating at first. I remember the first week I worked with him, I'd just sit in the studio for hours, and not much would come out. And Finn wouldn't say anything, you know? By the Friday, I thought for sure I was in trouble. Imagine a whole week of studio time at G-Major with nothing to show for it: Darius would _freak_ out!" Tommy smiles but doesn't say anything. "I'm sorry: is this weird to hear about?"

It _is_ a little weird. Just like it was weird to see her work on a new song with someone else, but he finds that he still wants to know. He's avoided asking about her life in London, afraid that it would hurt, but now he realises that deep down in his heart, he hopes Jude is thriving and growing, which she seems to be. The song she's recorded with him for the compilation made him see how much she's evolved as an artist and as a person, and he's curious to find out how, even if he feels a twinge of sorrow. "It's not weird," he says. "Go on. I'm really interested."

"It's just… I don't want you to think that working with Finn is better than working with you. Nothing compares to working with you, actually."

Tommy throws her a quick glance. "I feel the same way, Jude. But that doesn't mean I don't enjoy working with Vin or Kiera because I do. I actually have a lot of fun in the studio with Vin. And working with Kiera is so different, both because of her instrument and music style." He gives her another quick look. "It's OK that you have a good working relationship with Finn. I'm glad of it, actually." Jude nods. "So, what happened after that first week?" he pries.

"Oh. I was sitting in the studio, feeling pretty low, and Finn walked in. I thought for sure I was in for a lecture or worse, but he just patted me on the shoulder and said, 'You'll get there, lass'," she says, mimicking Finn.

Tommy laughs. "He calls you _lass_?"

"Yeah. I guess that's his equivalent of _girl_, though it's definitely not the same." She fixes her eyes on his profile. "It's been so long since you called me girl."

Tommy clears his throat—not so much because there's a sudden frog setting house in it, but to buy himself some time. He gives her a surreptitious look and says, in a quiet voice, "You're still my girl." But before she can reply anything, he adds quickly, "And how are your musicians? I mean, I've met Jake, obviously, but what about the other ones?"

"Uh… they're a cool group," she says, her head spinning a little at the quick shift in the conversation. "My guitarist is actually a she—Ruby. She's amazing. Her dad is this seasoned studio musician and he's taught her everything she knows. Her fingers are insanely skilful. She pulls chords I didn't even know existed. I really learned a lot from her."

"Yeah, I noticed. Your technique really reached another level."

"Thanks."

Tommy nods. "That new album will be something else: I can feel it."

"Tommy, I—"

But Tommy interrupts. He knows what's coming—justifications, explanations, more words meaning 'it's not the same without you'—and he doesn't want to go there. This isn't about him or them; this is about her. His feelings on the matter do not count. "Who else?"

"Uh…" she hesitates, but decides to play along. "Well, Oliver's the drummer. He's a super quiet guy. He walks in, does his thing, and then walks out."

"Is he rude to you?" Tommy frowns.

"Oh no: that's just how he is. I have his full attention when I talk about music and what I want, and he will grunt out his ideas but he keeps it short. I think he could teach a class on expressing thoughts with as little words as possible. We make for interesting opposites."

"Yeah, I can imagine." Tommy laughs. "On the song you sent to me, there was a mandolin. Who played that?"

"Uh… Actually, I did."

"Really? Wow! That's amazing!"

"Yeah. Finn taught me. It's not too different from the guitar, but you do have to hold it differently and attack the chords from another angle. It drove my patience a bit, which you know is something I have in short supply to begin with, but now I'm glad I stuck it out."

"Me too. I'm proud of you, Jude."

Those words make her feel inordinately happy and she cannot resist the urge to reach out and grad his hand, the one holding the gear shift lever. They come to a red light, and Tommy shifts gears before turning his palm up to hold her hand for a quick moment before the light turns green. "Thank you," she says finally.

"I mean it. I'm really proud."

"Thanks," she says before she asks suddenly and completely out of the blue: "What do you think of Jake?"

Tommy is caught more than a little unawares. "Uh… Well, he's a good bassist."

"No, I mean, personally: what do you think of him?"

He thinks on it a moment. "He's a nice guy. Funny. And he seems to like you a lot. I'm glad you have a friend like him." Tommy pauses, waiting. Waiting for what exactly, he's not sure, but somewhere in the back of his mind, he fears maybe Jude brought Jake up to tell him something; something he doesn't necessarily want to know. But when she doesn't say anything, he adds: "It must have been a little scary at first to find yourself all alone over there, no?"

Jude nods. "It was. I felt like the proverbial fish out of water." She wonders if she can go further; if she can tell him what she intended to say by mentioning Jake, but she realises she can't. Maybe Jake was right; maybe Tommy doesn't need to know. "I missed you so much, Tommy." He takes a deep breath—they're venturing in a dangerous zone. "I'm guessing the whole friend thing didn't include me asking questions about you, uh?"

"What do you want to know?"

Jude bites her bottom lip. She agreed to ignore the big elephant in the room for now and be his friend, but there's something else she needs to know. "Were you angry with me?"

"No," he replies right away.

"Really? Not even a little?" she asks, mistaking anger with care—if Tommy wasn't angry, maybe he didn't care?

"I was sad. Heartsick. But never angry." He throws her a quick glance before bringing his eyes back on the road. "And I've missed you, too. More than you know."

"Why didn't you call?"

"Why didn't you?" he retorts.

"You _are_ angry."

"No, Jude," he sighs. "Honestly, I didn't call because I wanted to respect your wishes. You asked me to let you go, so I did. I figured that _you_ would call if you wanted to talk to me."

"But I didn't."

Tommy nods and then racks his brain for a topic that will bring them back in neutral territory. "So… what do you think of the finalists so far?"

"Really?" she asks, dumbfounded.

"What?"

"You want to talk about the finalists right now?"

"I just want us to keep talking."

"Then why can't you stay on the subject?"

"Because I don't want to fight."

"Why are you so sure we will?"

"Jude, you have to admit that this is a sore subject. And I meant what I said: I want to be your friend if you'll let me. I don't think that's the right way to go about it."

"But friends tell each other everything, no?"

Tommy shakes his head. "Not everything."

"I guess that's more true to the person you've always been with me. To quote Sadie, 'Typical Tommy: always keeping secrets'."

The words hit Tommy hard in their truth. But what is he supposed to say? _The truth_, a voice tells him. But he's not ready to tell her about his condition. Besides, they struck that deal that buys him more time. _That's not the truth she's looking for right now_, the voice adds. That's when he realises they never had the break-up talk. Jude asked him to let her go, and he did, but that was it. Though he never was one to dwell on explanations, if that's what she needed, why not give it to her?

He takes a deep breath and dives right in. "OK, Jude. Here's the truth. When you left, you broke my heart, shattered it. That had never happened to me before. Not even when Angie died, which sounds like a horrible thing to say, but there it is. I was sad when Angie died. I felt guilty. But you leaving, it _crushed_ me. I didn't even recognize myself during the first weeks. And to be honest, I'm not sure I recognize myself still. It changed something in me—forever."

He stays silent for a moment—to catch his breath, to regain control over his emotions—while Jude is caught between feeling sad and speechless. Tommy has never opened up this much to her before; that is, not without a fight. And she senses that he's not done.

"What I felt when you left, it was unlike anything I've ever felt before. And at first, my instincts kicked in, but it was different. For once, I didn't follow them. I didn't self-destruct, no matter how empty I felt. You really changed me, Jude. Even knowing that we were an ocean apart, I felt your influence, you know? I didn't want to disappoint you, even if you were no longer here and no longer cared."

"I still care. I always will," she cuts in.

"But I wasn't angry. I guess… I guess there was just no room for anger. I just had to deal with this new person I suddenly realised I had become." _And then I had to cope with the sickness_, he mentally adds. "I won't lie, though. I thought you'd call. If only to ask the questions you are asking now."

"But I didn't," she says again.

"No. And then, I guess too much time had passed. The longer you wait to break the ice, the harder it gets."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

"I wanted to call, Tommy. I just… I couldn't."

Tommy nods. "It doesn't matter. We are talking now, aren't we? Better late than never."

Jude is not sure she agrees. She can't ignore the gnawing feeling that she is coming too late for something, though she has no idea what that something is. Silence sets in again. Jude wonders why he doesn't ask any questions about her feelings on the break-up—if she thought of him, if she regretted her decision—but she's grateful that he doesn't. Could she really tell him that she's banished him from her thoughts?

And so, strangely, she is now the one switching topics. "What's the real reason for Kwest coming back to work at G-Major? Even temporarily?"

Of course, it's a question that brings Tommy no relief.

"Going above and beyond the call of friendship, I guess. He saw how overworked I am. But he didn't tell me anything about it. He just showed up this morning. I'm as surprised as you are. Maybe even more. I'll be hard pressed to return the favour, if I can even," he concludes cryptically.

Jude knits her brows. "What do you mean?"

"Uh… Well, just that: it'll be hard for me to find a way to pay him back."

"I don't think Kwest would expect that. That's not how he is. He loves to help people. Maybe even a little too much at times. That's why Sadie felt smothered."

Tommy leaps at the opportunity to talk about anyone but Jude and him. "Yeah, you're probably right, though Kwest really loved Sadie. I think he does still."

"I guess we'll see how it all turns out, uh?" Tommy throws her a quick look, but doesn't say anything. Jude decides to remain in neutral zones for the time being. "So tell me: how did Spied and you ever manage to become such good buddies?"

Tommy chuckles. "That's pretty unbelievable, isn't it?"

"Yeah. My head is still reeling from that one."

"Well, I think it was his dedication that impressed me. And his maturity. It's crazy to think that being married to Karma of all people made him grow so much as a person. Now as for him, as far as I know," Tommy says, though he knows a lot since Vin pretty much told him that day he had panicked after seeing Jude and locked himself up in a stall in the men's room. "I think he got to know me better as a producer. He found out that I was just as committed to making a good album for him as I was for you. Well, _almost_ as committed," Tommy smiles.

"Spied shouldn't have doubted that."

"Yeah. But we were rivals for a while, and that tainted our relationship a bit. It was nice to get a fresh start."

"With me gone," Jude pipes in.

Tommy looks at her briefly and winks. "There had to be one tiny silver lining to that, right?"

"Right."

A driver suddenly cuts in, and Tommy has to brake and shift gears quickly to avoid a collision. "Idiot," he mutters before glancing at Jude. "You OK?"

Jude's eyes are fixed on his hands and she blushes when she looks up to his face. "I'm OK," she says breathlessly.

"What is it?"

Jude shakes her head. "Forget it. It's definitely a thought that doesn't fit in the friend category."

"Oh. Well, if it makes you feel better, I'm having some of those myself," he says, his voice low.

"Really? Like what?"

"Jude…"

"I'll tell you my thought, then. Unless you don't want to know," she teases. Tommy doesn't say anything. "I thought so! I was thinking about your hands."

"My hands?" Tommy exclaims—he was definitely not expecting _that_. "What about my hands?"

"I just… love your hands. They're so strong and masculine, especially when you're sitting next to me like this, driving and shifting gears."

Tommy smiles. "How come you never told me this before?"

"Like your ego needs any boost!"

He tilts his head slightly. "Touché."

"So… What were _you_ thinking?" she asks with a mischievous smile.

"I never said I'd tell you," he smirks.

"But I told you!"

"Hey, you chose to tell me! I didn't ask." Tommy pulls up in her drive and puts the gear shift lever in park. He turns his head towards her. "I will say this, though: it's been very nice to drive you home." Jude smiles and Tommy reaches out to stroke her cheek, but he pulls his hand back quickly. "Good night, Jude."

Jude opens her door and gets out without saying a word, and Tommy worries he's made her angry by not sharing his thoughts, but then he sees her walking in front of his car to get to his side. She stands in front of his door, waiting. He kills the ignition, unbuckles his belt and opens the door to step out and stand in front of her. She takes off his coat to hand it back to him and then pulls him into a hug. "Thank you for this; for making an effort," she says before she presses a kiss on his cheek and then lets him go.

"See you tomorrow," he says, his voice tight, one hand still resting on her flank. Jude's eyes fall on it and then she takes a step towards him, bringing her own hand around his neck. She stands on tiptoes and kisses him, softly. She's shocked when, instead of pulling back, Tommy holds her closer and deepens the kiss.

When they both stop to catch their breath, Tommy withdraws.

"Sorry," Jude says. "That was also not a friend thing to do."

"Yeah. We can't do that again, Jude."

"Not until we had that talk, uh?"

Tommy smiles wryly. "I suddenly feel like a diva, you know? Setting up all these crazy conditions."

"You always _were_ a diva, Tommy Q."

"Touché again." Tommy chuckles. "Good night, Jude."

"Good night, Tommy."

Quickly, he sits back behind the wheel, throwing his coat on the passenger seat. He pulls out of the drive but stops to look towards the house one last time, making sure she got in safe, but she's still standing in the exact same spot. He puts the car in park and rolls down the window. "Get in, Jude," he calls out.

"I'm just getting some fresh air," she calls back.

Tommy shakes his head, but he smiles. "I just want to make sure you're safe."

"I am. This is my house! Don't worry. Go home and rest."

"Still as stubborn as ever."

"Look who's talking!"

"All right, all right," he says, holding his hands up. "I'm going. See ya, Harrison."

Jude watches his car go with a smile, finally feeling like maybe—maybe—she's getting somewhere.


	17. Tommy's Song

**A/N: **I think the M rating applies here, though no smut occurs… It's just talk.

Only three chapters left after this, unless a part gets out of my hands again, but I doubt it: the canvas is pretty set at this point.

As always, your comments are SO appreciated: you have no idea. Thank you! :)

*Song by: Jeff Buckley – _Lover, You Should've Come Over_* - I definitely encourage you to listen to that one, if you've never heard it.

* * *

**Chapter Seventeen – Tommy's Song**

"Uh, Jude…" comes Sadie's voice as she enters the kitchen.

Jude is sitting at the island, enjoying a large mug of coffee, a Pop-Tart and some light banter with Jake. She just had a fantastic night of sleep; wonderful thoughts of Tommy dancing in her head before slumber took her away. "Yeah?"

Sadie puts her laptop down on the counter and flips it around so both Jude and Jake can see the screen. The browser displays the main page of a popular gossip site, and the main topic of the day is a slightly blurry picture of Jude and Tommy kissing in her driveway with a headline reading, _Jude Harrison and Tommy Q: Rekindling Their Romance?_

"Well," Jake says. "Looks like Mr. Quincy gave you the full driving service last night."

Jude punches him on the shoulder, but she's not amused by the photo. Just when Tommy was finally letting her in—albeit a little—this could make him shut down faster than a door in a strong wind. "I didn't see anyone out last night. It was pitch dark, except for Tommy's headlights and the light on the porch. Ugh. Stupid paps!" Jude utters in frustration.

"Tommy doesn't look like he's complaining," Jake says.

Jude and Sadie exchange a look. "Jude, Tommy is used to this. I mean, he hasn't made headlines in the gossip sites for a while, but I'm sure he still remembers what it's like. Don't panic."

"You're worried this will make Tommy shut down," Jake says, catching on.

Jude nods. "I should call him, right?" she asks, her eyes going from Jake to Sadie.

Sadie tilts her head, pondering. "Yes. That is, _I _would."

Jude takes her phone out of her pocket, grabs the laptop and heads for the privacy of her room. Not that she has anything to hide from Sadie and Jake, but who knows how Tommy will react? And then, who knows how _she_ will cope with his reaction?

"But Jude," Sadie calls when Jude is about to climb the first step. "I want to hear about that kiss after you're done", she smiles.

"Make that _we_ want to hear about it," Jake smirks.

"Right. You guys need to get a life." Jude laughs as she goes up the stairs.

She plops herself and the laptop on her bed and her index finger hovers over the keypad of her phone, chuckling wryly over the fact that Tommy is still number one on her speed dial though she hasn't called him in over a year. She presses one and waits.

"Quincy."

"Tommy? It's Jude." There's a short silence and then a "hi". Jude breathes better when she hears the smile in his voice. "Hi. How are you?"

"I'm OK," he says, his voice uncertain. "And you?"

"I'm good. Uh… Listen, I'll come right to it. It looks like someone was watching us last night when you dropped me off."

"Watching us? What do you mean?"

She detects the worry in his voice. "A paparazzi, probably. Anyway, someone snapped a picture and, uh, well, it's been posted on a gossip site. And maybe elsewhere: I don't know."

"And by picture, you mean a picture of us—"

"Kissing," she interrupts. "Yeah."

"Oh."

_Oh? _she thinks. _Oh what? Is he angry? What is he thinking?_ "I'm sorry, Tommy."

"Why are you sorry? It's not your fault."

"Well… I'm the one who kissed you." Tommy stays silent for a moment until Jude feels like she'll be bouncing off the walls if he doesn't say anything. "What are you thinking, Tommy? Are you mad at me? You _are_, aren't you?"

"God, Jude, no! I was just wrapping my mind around it. But hey! It's not something we haven't experienced before, right? Don't worry about it."

"Are you sure?" she asks breathlessly.

"Wait: you're really worried about this, aren't you?"

"Worried about your reaction: yeah!"

"Why?"

"Because I don't want you to shut me out again!" she blurts out.

"Oh." _Oh, again_, she thinks. _Oh_ is not readable enough. She wishes she could see the thoughts passing through his mind. "I won't do that, Jude. We're good. OK?"

"You promise?"

"_Yes_! I promise. Stop worrying, Harrison!" Jude smiles. "But listen: I got to go. Kwest just got here and we have tons to do. I'll see you later, all right?"

"Yeah. Thank you."

"No need to thank me. Don't even give it another thought, OK?"

"OK. Bye, Tommy."

"See you later, Jude." Tommy hangs up and pulls his open laptop closer.

"Jude? So you took my advice to heart?" Kwest asks—Tommy hadn't lied about his coming in.

"Yeah, I did. I drove her home last night." Tommy opens his web browser and types in _Jude Harrison_ + today's date. The first result to pop up is the most read gossip blog in Toronto. "Of course," he mutters. He clicks on the link and bam! A picture of him and Jude kissing appears.

"Whoa. I see you did more than driving."

Tommy runs a hand on his face. "Fuck."

"So… I assume Jude just called to warn you about this?"

"Yeah. Fucking vultures." Tommy snorts. "She was actually worried I would shut her out again."

"Can't blame the girl. But that still doesn't explain this," Kwest says, pointing to the screen. "What happened?"

"I followed your advice. When I came back here last night, she was asleep on the couch you moved back in here—thank you very much, by the way," Tommy says with a wry smile.

"I don't see you complaining in _this_." Kwest points to the picture again with a smirk. "How did you get from this booth to kissing her in front of her house?"

"I offered to drive her home so we could catch up. Jake had left with her car and her coat—"

"At your request, I'm sure."

"Well, sort of. Anyway, I gave her my coat. When we got to her place, she walked over to my side of the car and just stood there, waiting for me. I got out, she gave me back my coat, we hugged and then we kissed." Tommy's eyes fall back on the picture and he can't keep a smile from tugging at his lips. Jude in his arms, her lips on his: it looks so… right.

"Must have been one hell of a ride," Kwest says with a wink.

"She's… She's amazing, man. If I wasn't already crazy about her, I would've fallen in love with her over that car ride."

Tommy sits down on a swivel chair while Kwest heads for the comfort of the couch. "So, who kissed who?"

"She kissed me. But it just as well could've been me." Tommy sighs. "See: that's what I was worried about. I _can't_ be her friend."

"Well, how did the rest of the ride go?" Tommy proceeds to sum up the discussion he's had with Jude. "I don't know. That sounds pretty good to me. You did a good job, Tom."

"I just wish she didn't have that… effect on me."

"What effect is that?"

Tommy shakes his head. "Best friend or not, I don't think I can talk about this with you, man."

Kwest understands implicitly. "Ah, you mean _that_ effect. Like, what? You think about her?"

"I _dream_ of her. Every night. Between nightmares. The dreams are so real, I can _feel_ her."

"Hmmm… Have you thought about making it a reality? I mean, I know you're sick, so your body is probably not—"

"Oh, my body is still reacting: trust me," Tommy cuts in. "When she's around, it's like I'm a horny teenager again. When I got home last night, I was…" Tommy lowers his voice, embarrassed, and leans forward. "I was fucking hard."

"Man! How long has it been?"

"It's been… a while."

"How long is a while?" Kwest cocks one brow.

Tommy lets out a loud breath. "Jude was the last."

"Whoa! There's been no one since?" Tommy purses his lips and raises his brows. "That's almost hard to believe."

"I know. If Tommy Q would see me now, he would deny I'm him."

Kwest chuckles. "Meh. It's all right. That guy was a bit of an ass. You're a much better man than he was."

"Thanks." Tommy smiles.

"But man! No wonder you're… You know."

"Overreacting at the barest of touches? Yep."

"T, you need to get laid!" Kwest whispers.

"Oh yeah. _Great_ pick-up line. Hey! I'm dying! So, you wanna?"

"But how have you coped with this over the last year? I mean, how did you deal with the… well, the urges?" Tommy gives Kwest a long, meaningful look. "Right."

"To be honest, though, since the diagnosis fell, I've been so focussed on it—or rather, on forgetting it—that the need's been pretty low on that end."

"But now, Jude is back…"

"Man, this is a weird conversation," Tommy says, far from comfortable.

"Yeah," Kwest agrees. "But these are special circumstances. And we can talk about anything, right? So why not this?"

Tommy shakes his head. "Still weird."

"Do you know how Jude feels about that? I mean, you told her you want her, right? What did she say to that?"

"She said she wants me, too."

"So… if you were to ask, _You wanna?_, chances are she'd say yes."

"OK. Why are we still talking about this?" Tommy asks, squirming in his seat.

Kwest shrugs. "Because you're human. You have needs, like everybody else. And you don't want a one-night stand."

"No."

"You want Jude." Tommy casts his eyes down but he nods his head. "Well then… What's keeping you from making it happen?"

Tommy gulps. "I'm dying, Kwest. I can't do that to her."

"You need to tell her the truth. And soon. Then let her decide." Tommy's eyes are still glued to the floor. "Hey! T! I still refuse to believe that you _are_ dying. I still believe that there will be a match for you. But regardless, you deserve some kind of happiness. Grab it. Just be honest about what's going on with you."

"Yeah. The problem is when I tell her, this will be the last thing on both of our minds. And also…" his voice trails off.

"Also what?"

"I don't want a pity fuck," Tommy says, his voice low.

"Come on, man! That's not how it would be."

"That's _exactly_ how it would be."

"Nah. I don't believe that."

"What makes you so certain?"

Kwest gives him a crooked smile. "At the risk of sounding cheesy, it can't be about pity when there's love involved."

"I'm worried it would stand between us."

"What do you mean?"

"Just think about it, Kwest. Imagine yourself making love to a woman knowing she's fatally ill. Or knowing you're fatally ill. Can you tell me it wouldn't change anything?"

Kwest scratches his chin, pondering on the scenario. "No, I can't tell you it wouldn't change anything. But I do think it'd still be worth it. That's what you want. That's _all_ that you want. She is _it_, right?"

"Yeah. And then, she will leave. Again." Tommy buries his head in his hands. "What a mess."

"T, if there's one instance where you can be a little selfish, this is it. You want her."

"I want her _so_ bad."

"Then, get her, man. What you're going through; it's a reminder that life is a crapshoot."

Tommy scoffs. "How about you?"

"What about me?"

"Are you going to apply that wisdom to your situation?"

"My situation is totally different."

"How? Jude left me, Sadie left you."

Kwest shakes his head. "Jude left to learn to be on her own. Sadie left because she couldn't stand me anymore: very different."

"Right. But Jude will leave again. It's like a ticking time bomb. She'll leave and I'll…" _I'll die_, he thinks, but doesn't say it out loud. His throat hurts from pushing down the sobs that have been threatening to erupt for a few minutes now.

"You could ask her to stay."

"No, I can't. I knew I shouldn't have let myself get closer to her. This will hurt like a son-of-a-bitch."

"But T…"

Tommy holds his hand up, interrupting his friend. "I can't talk about this anymore. It's… It's too much. Let's just get to work, OK?"

"Come on, man—"

"Kwest, I'm trying not to fall apart right now. Leave it, please."

Kwest nods. "OK. But we _can_ talk about this anytime. And about anything else that's going through your mind. You know that nothing's off-limit, right?"

Tommy nods and gets up. He heads for the studio without saying another word.

* * *

Despite the promise he's made to Jude, Tommy finds himself avoiding her again over the next few days. The discussion he had with Kwest reawakened the fears and fleshed out the wounds inflicted by her leaving. He attempts to evade her more subtly though; smiling and waving when he sees her, but keeping himself too busy to do much else, even using Kwest as a buffer, ignoring his best friend's disapproving looks. There's no good solution for him: he will hurt no matter what—he's already hurting—but he can't have her pity. He'll tell her the truth right before she leaves, and then she _will_ leave.

On the Monday of the last week—the marathon week—everyone is at the venue. Jude feels useless, her eyes following the boys helping Tommy and Kwest to push together what will be the judge's table. It's made up of three separate sections, each of which must be set up at an angle, making it look like something right out of the space age.

While Jake and Kyle go nuts with the electric screwdrivers, Tommy and Spied keep the sections pushed in together while Kwest uses that time to turn around and pull Jude by her sleeve. He leads her to a secluded corner, right under the stairs leading to the mezzanine. It's also the corner where everyone piled up their instrument cases.

"How are you holding up?" he asks.

Jude's eyes stay on Tommy. "He's avoiding me again."

"He's scared."

Jude turns her head towards Kwest. "Of _what_? What is going on, Kwest?"

Kwest shakes his head. "Tommy will have to tell you."

"Kwest: come on!"

He takes a CD out of his pocket. "Which case is yours?"

"That one," Jude points to her bag. Kwest unzips the front pocket and slips in the CD before zipping it back shut. "What's that?" she asks.

"A little contraband."

Jude frowns at him. "Contraband?"

"Otherwise known as Tommy's song," he whispers.

"What song? Tommy's been writing new music?" she also whispers.

"Yes, well, a while ago. He hasn't been writing anything lately."

"I'm guessing we are being sneaky sneaks because Tommy would not be happy if he knew I had this CD?"

Kwest gives her a sheepish look. "Probably not, but I think you need to hear this song. After all, it's about you. Don't give up on him, Jude."

"Why are you _really_ here, Kwest? There must be more to this than just wanting to help Tommy because there's too much work. Tommy has always managed his workload in the past."

"Not without a good technician, he didn't."

"But you agreed to work with Darius again."

"Temporarily. Just for the next few days. Tom would do the same for me. And speaking of which, I should get back out there. Just listen to the song, Jude."

Kwest runs back to the boys while Jude tries to think of a way to listen to the song right now. _My car_, she thinks. The sound system in her car is crappy but it's better than nothing until she gets home tonight and plays the song again in her room. She grabs her guitar case and heads for the coat check area.

"And where do you think you're going?"

_Darius. Shit._ "Uh… To get some air?"

"With your guitar?"

"Well, yeah. Just being safe, you know? I thought I'd bring it back to my car since I won't be using it today."

"We need you for other things."

"Yeah, to be a judge or pretending to be at any rate, right?"

"Your opinion will matter."

"That's very good and all, but you don't need me right at this second. Unless you expect me to demonstrate how bad I am with any kind of tool, really. Hey! I could take someone's eye out. Wouldn't that be fun? That'd bring in the ratings!"

She hears Sadie chuckle behind her.

"And what are _you_ doing here?" Darius nips.

"Calm down, boss. Jude is right. The boys are getting the stage ready. The finalists are all in rehearsal with Marc. There's nothing for me to do, so there's even less for Jude to do."

Darius rolls his eyes. "Oh great. Now I have to deal with the two Harrisons at once."

"I tell you what, D: we could both take off for a while, go have a bite or something, and you wouldn't have to deal with us at all. I'll make sure Jude is back on time for the dressing and make-up call."

The two sisters give him their best pleading looks. "All right, all right. Get outta here. But you better make sure she's back here on time," he says, pointing at Sadie. "And you," he adds, glaring at Jude, "you better be all smiles in that judge's chair."

"Ay, ay, captain," Jude salutes and hurries to the long row of coats before he can change his mind. She grabs hers and puts it on and then finds Sadie's and holds it out to her sister.

As soon as the girls slip outside, Sadie asks, "OK. So, what's really going on, Jude?"

Jude first takes the direction of her car, but then thinks better of it and changes course. Ironically, Sadie's sound system is far superior to hers. "Can we go to your car?"

Sadie eyes her quizzically. "You want me to drive you somewhere?"

Jude shakes her head. "Kwest gave me a CD. I want to listen to it. Your sound system is better than mine."

"A CD? Of what?"

"A song from Tommy," Jude whispers.

"What is it about?"

"Me, apparently. Kwest just said to listen to it."

Sadie nods. "Well, come on!"

She presses on the unlock button on her key and they both get in the car. Sadie turns on the engine while Jude gets the CD out of the front pocket of her case before she hauls her guitar on the backseat. She pushes the CD in and soon, they hear Tommy's voice announcing the title of the song, "Lover, You Should've Come Over". The first notes begin and Jude feels shivers running up and down her spine. This was written for her. By Tommy.

_*Looking out the door, I see the rain fall upon the funeral mourners_

_Parading in a wake of sad relations as their shoes fill up with water _

_And maybe I'm too young to keep good love from going wrong_

_But tonight you're on my mind so you never know_

_-%%%%-_

_I'm broken down and hungry for your love with no way to feed it_

_Where are you tonight? Child, you know how much I need it _

_Too young to hold on and too old to just break free and run_

_-%%%%-_

_Sometimes a man gets carried away, _

_When he feels like he should be having his fun_

_And much too blind to see the damage he's done_

_Sometimes a man must awake to find that really, he has no one_

_-%%%%-_

_So I'll wait for you... and I'll burn_

_Will I ever see your sweet return?_

_Oh, will I ever learn?_

_Oh, lover, you should've come over _

_Cause it's not too late_

_-%%%%-_

_Lonely is the room, the bed is made, the open window lets the rain in _

_Burning in the corner is the only one who dreams he had you with him _

_My body turns and yearns for a sleep that won't ever come_

_-%%%%-_

_It's never over, my kingdom for a kiss upon her shoulder _

_It's never over, all my riches for her smiles when I slept so soft against her_

_It's never over, all my blood for the sweetness of her laughter_

_It's never over, she is the tear that hangs inside my soul forever_

_-%%%%-_

_Well, maybe I'm just too young_

_To keep good love from going wrong_

_Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong_

_Oh... lover, you should've come over_

_-%%%%-_

_Well I feel too young to hold on _

_I'm much too old to break free and run _

_Too deaf, dumb, and blind to see the damage I've done_

_Sweet lover, you should've come over_

_Oh, love, well I'm waiting for you_

_-%%%%-_

_Lover, lover, love, love, love, love_

_Love, love, love, love_

_Lover, lover, you should've come over_

_Cause it's not too late*_

After the song ends, both of them seem to be at a loss for words. Of course, once she took her feelings out of the equation, Sadie always suspected Tommy's love for her sister ran deep, but this is a depth she could not have even imagined. She turns to look at Jude and sees that she's crying. "Oh, sweetie," she says, reaching out to press Jude's shoulder.

"I broke him, Sadie."

"No, you didn't—"

"Didn't you hear the tears in his voice in that bridge?"

"I also heard the words _cause it's not too late_."

"He's closing himself off to me again," Jude says in a small voice.

"OK. Enough! Jude: you need to confront him. And if he accuses you of leaving him, then you'll just have to grin and bear it and keep pushing until you get an answer."

"I promised to let it drop until the end of the Finale."

"Yes, but he promised to act like a friend, and he's shutting you out again. So why should you hold your end of the bargain? Clearly, there's something big going on. You need to know—right now!"

Jude stares off in the distance, determination setting on her features. "You're right. I will. As soon as we're done with the taping tonight."


	18. Yours

**Chapter Eighteen –** **Yours**

After a few more replays of Tommy's song, Sadie convinces Jude to actually drive off to grab a bite, though neither of them have much appetite. Sadie orders a small salad while Jude can't resist the smell of French fries. Pretty soon, she notices that Sadie is pushing the lettuce around on her plate more than she's forking it to bring to her mouth. There's also a clear line of worry crossing her sister's forehead.

"I'm sorry, Sadie. With all my drama, I've failed to ask you how you're doing with Kwest being back. It must be hard to see him every day all of a sudden, uh?"

Sadie looks up from her plate. "It's not hard so much as strange. But it's not like we spend all that much time together. He's working like a madman."

"I know. It's like he's trying to anticipate Tommy's every need."

Sadie nods. "Do you think it's linked to what Tommy is obviously struggling to tell you?"

"Definitely." Jude picks a fry from her plate. "Do you think things will always be like that with Tommy? Always a secret lurking around the corner?"

"I don't know, Jude."

"Kwest told me he's scared."

"Scared?" Sadie knits her brows. "Of what? Hurting you?"

Jude shrugs. "Your guess is as good as mine. But hey! You're avoiding the question again! You do that, you know?"

"Me?" Sadie takes an innocent look.

Jude laughs. "Yeah, you. You're like a master at this. So, Kwest, back in your life: how do you feel?"

"I just told you, I don't see him much."

"OK. But when you do, is there a spark? Butterflies? Nothing at all?"

Sadie takes a deep breath. "Definitely butterflies."

"Yeah?" Jude smiles. "Well, that's interesting."

"Who knows where he's at, though?"

Of course, Jude knows that tiny bit of information Tommy let slip—his thinking that Kwest might still be in love with Sadie—but can she divulge it? Tommy didn't ask her to keep it to herself, and what he said was his impression of the situation rather than a confirmation. "Well… Mind you: this is something Tommy just said in passing, but he thinks Kwest might still love you."

A tiny smile curls Sadie's lips. "Really?"

"Yeah. He said Kwest really loved you and might love you still. And, well, Tommy would know."

"I just don't want to mess it up, you know? I can't lead him on if I'm not sure."

"Maybe you could tell him that? And ask him to spend some time together?"

"You want to play matchmaker there, little sister?"

Jude smiles. "I just want you to be happy. I worry about you being alone sometimes."

"I'm the big sister: it's my job to worry! Do you think I don't worry about you out there, all alone in big, old London? I'm so glad I got to meet Jake because that will ease my mind… a little."

"Yeah… London," Jude says in a little voice. Technically, she's supposed to fly back in exactly a week, but the prospect lost a bit of its lustre. Can she really leave Tommy again? Especially once she'll know what is the huge thing he's hiding from her?

"What is it? You don't want to go back?"

"I do… and I don't. I do because I want to wrap up my album and I love working with Finn. It's so freeing to work with a real mentor with nothing else getting in the way. But…"

"Tommy is here."

"Yeah. And I feel like he needs me now, more than ever. And… It's been hard to be away from him. Now that I've gotten used to seeing him every day again, my body craves him like a drug."

Sadie smiles tightly. "He's your soul mate, Jude."

Jude looks at her sister, wide-eyed. "I never thought I'd hear you say that."

"I know. I've always been wary of Tommy when it comes to you. He's got a self-destructive streak, and that scares me. But the connection you two share is undeniable. And he's so clearly in love with you."

Jude sighs. "I just hope it will be enough."

* * *

Jude is sitting in the make-up chair, getting some finishing touches, when she catches Tommy watching out of the corner of her eye. He gives her an uneasy smile and is about to walk away, but Jude gets on her feet before the make-up artist can protest and corners him in the narrow hall connecting the backstage area to the main stage.

"You're avoiding me again."

"That's not true," he lies.

"You are! So that means our deal is off, Quincy."

Tommy frowns. "What do you mean?"

"I want to know what's going on. Now. I'm not waiting another week."

"Jude—"

"I mean it, Tommy. Kwest told me you're scared. Scared of _what_? What the hell is going on with you? You know you can tell me anything! Aren't you sick of keeping things from me yet?"

As predictable as the rain in a thunderstorm, Tommy counters: "You left, Jude! You didn't speak to me for a year. What makes you think I owe you anything?"

Jude scoffs. "I knew you would throw that in my face, but you know what? I don't care! You told me you'd tell me the truth, and I'm not waiting anymore. And I _do_ think you owe me the truth. Clearly, this is huge. And if I was hiding something huge from you, you would've _demanded_ that I tell you weeks ago."

"No. That's _your_ specialty!"

"You still care, Tommy. I know that. Kwest gave me a copy of your song."

"What—"

"_Lover, You Should've Come Over_. You wrote it for me, right?"

Tommy's eyes darken as he fixes them on hers. "Yes."

The expression in his eyes dispels some of her anger. "Those words, Tommy: did you mean them? Did you mean it when you said, _It's not too late_?"

Tommy shakes his head. "It's too late now."

"Why? Obviously, you still feel something for me." She reads the answer in his eyes. "And there's no one else, right?"

"There's no one else," he says, his voice low.

"So why is it too late?"

Tommy takes a deep breath. This is probably the worst timing in the world—the taping is about to begin, they maybe have a minute left, if not seconds, to get to their posts. But maybe that's the best moment possible for him. He could just drop the bomb and walk away. "Jude, the truth is I'm—"

"T, get back to the soundboard! Jude, go take your seat," Darius orders as he rushes past them.

Jude lets out a strangled scream. Tommy is about to hurry away, but she seizes his arm. "We'll talk after the show, Tommy. I'll follow you to your place if I have to."

Tommy is about to argue, but a wave of fatigue seems to sweep over him. The time for hiding is over: he's forced to accept it. And if he's honest with himself, he's shocked that he managed to evade her for so long. Jude always won at this game—he had never met anyone as relentless. So he abdicates. "OK. We'll talk after."

* * *

With half her attention on the performances and the other half thinking about Tommy, Jude succeeds in getting through the taping, even to enjoy some songs, especially one played by a virtuoso guitarist from Spain.

Still, as soon as they get the cue from the crew, she darts out of her chair and zooms over to the back to intercept Tommy. She's not afraid to carry out her threat and get to his place if need be, but she would rather stay in neutral territory, as much as possible.

She has to get through the dispersing crowd being led to the exits, but through it all, she can see some kind of commotion in the back. She suddenly feels a sense of foreboding escalating in her, and when she hears Sadie yelps, she starts to run.

Given the crowd assembled, not to mention the finalists and the crew, Darius had to hire a team of paramedics in case of an emergency, and Jude now sees the two men rush to the back. Her feet pick up a quicker pace. Soon, she's met by Sadie. "Jude, Tommy just fainted."

"What?! Is he OK?"

"I don't know," Sadie says, grabbing her sister's hand and pulling her to the back.

When they finally get there—after a moment, which seems to last an eternity for Jude—she sees Tommy lying on the floor with one paramedic kneeled on one side, checking his vitals, while the other is trying to wake him up. But Tommy is not regaining consciousness. Jude's eyes leave him just a second to rest on Kwest, but his face is turned to Tommy, though she can see how worried he is.

"He's breathing normally," one of the paramedics says. "He's just lost consciousness. Probably from exhaustion. We should just move him to a resting place, and he should come to."

"No," comes Kwest's voice. "You need to get him to the hospital. Now. He's not just going to come to." The paramedic is about to argue when Kwest adds, in a voice that tolerates no arguments: "Take him to Toronto General: that's where he's being treated. I'll call his physician."

The two paramedics hesitate until Darius' booming voice resounds. "You heard what he said. Do it. _Now_!"

Jude stares at Kwest numbly: he knows. Kwest knows what's wrong. But ridiculously, she realises she's lost her voice. She cannot speak. Her eyes go back to Tommy and panic bubbles in her throat. She's afraid she's about to lose it. She feels a hand squeezing hers—Sadie.

"Kwest, what is it? What's wrong with Tommy?" Sadie asks in a frantic voice as soon as he ends his call.

Kwest takes a deep breath, and though he answers Sadie's question, his eyes stay with Jude. "It's called hereditary amyloidosis. Tommy got it from his father. Basically, his liver is… failing. He's been on a waiting list for a transplant, but… There's been no news."

Jude hears the words as though they are coming from the end of a very long tunnel. She still can't find her voice. She presses Sadie's hand, and her sister asks the question for her—the question with an answer that might break her. "And… what if there's no match?"

Kwest casts his eyes down, unable to sustain the hurt he reads in Jude's eyes. "He's taking some medication. It… It helps, but the disease wasn't detected early enough. They could treat him more aggressively at the hospital for a while, but… Without a transplant, he will…" Kwest swallows down hard. "He will probably die."

And that's when Jude finds her voice again. In the form of a scream. A scream that comes from the deepest part of her. She falls on her knees, feeling like she can't breathe, and physically, she's actually panting, almost retching. For a split second, she thinks she might lose consciousness, too, but then she feels two hands wrapping her shoulders from behind her and she hears Jake's voice. He presses his chest against her back and says, "Breathe with me, love. Just follow my pace."

She tries to focus on Jake's breathing, but panic is overtaking her, coursing through her veins, clouding her thoughts, turning her tongue into lead, making her feel like her throat is closing in onto itself.

"Breathe with me, Jude," Jake repeats in a soft voice against her ear. "Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale. You can do it, love." After a few minutes, she can breathe normally again, if slightly frantically. "You're all right, Jude. You're all right."

Jake helps her to get up, and Jude watches as Tommy, now wearing a face mask, is being hauled on a stretcher and then rolled over towards the exit.

"Jude," Kwest says, his voice still feeling far away to Jude, "come with me. I'll take you to the hospital."

Jude nods and follows numbly, though she hears Sadie calling out after her, "We'll be right behind you, Jude."

* * *

Jude is sitting on an uncomfortable plastic hospital chair, flanked by Jake on her right and Sadie on her left. Sadie is holding on to her hand while Jake is wrapping her shoulders in his strong arm. Kwest is standing in front of them, motionless except for a nervous movement of his right leg, while Darius paces back and forth, fists clenched. Spied and Karma left for a coffee run, anticipating a long night ahead. Kyle and Mason are seated across from Jude, both trying to smile encouragingly whenever she looks up, though Jude's gaze is glazed over—she's not aware of anything, except for the fact that Tommy is lying on a bed somewhere in there; near yet so far—dying. "He can't die," she whispers, and Sadie presses her hand harder while Jake pulls her to him so she can rest her head on his shoulder. He kisses the crown of her head but doesn't say anything. What is there to say? Empty words will bring Jude no solace.

Jude suddenly feels a change in Kwest. She looks up and sees him turning expectantly towards something. She follows his gaze and sees a doctor walking in their direction.

"How is he?" Kwest asks as soon as Dr. Boldsen gets close enough to the group.

"He's asleep."

"You mean he's still unconscious?"

"No, he came to, but his heart rate was too elevated. He was turning and thrashing so much, calling out. Your name, actually," Dr Boldsen says, looking at Jude.

"He needs me," Jude says, getting up like a spring.

Dr. Boldsen extends a hand and gently pats Jude on the shoulder. "He's sedated now. He will be asleep for a while."

"What's going to happen? What can be done?" Kwest asks.

"Well, as you know, Tommy needs a liver transplant, and now, well, he needs it fast. I've made a few calls to try and expand our search, but I'm afraid that's a long shot."

"What about me?" Jude asks.

Dr. Boldsen smiles. "If you volunteer, we'll be more than happy to test if you are a match."

"I volunteer, too," comes Jake's voice.

Jude spins around towards him in shock. "Oh, Jake, you don't—"

"You'd do it for me," he cuts in with a small smile. "If it was the love of my life lying in there, I know you would do the same."

"I volunteer as well," Sadie pipes in, and she's soon followed by Mason and Kyle.

Tears well in Jude's eyes. "You guys… I don't know what to say. Thank you."

"And I'm sure Spied will want to be tested, too," Kyle says, and Jude smiles to him.

"I will get some nurses to come and get you all to begin the tests," Dr. Bolden says. "They will need your health cards to gain access to your medical records. If one of you turns out to be a match, we will explain the procedure in depth, and know that you'll have the option of not going through with it. It's not a decision to be taken lightly. But I do have to say that your reaction is very nice to see."

* * *

When Jude is done with her tests, she goes on a mission to find out how and when she can see Tommy. She's not leaving this hospital until he wakes up again and she doesn't care how much she has to plead or threaten.

She approaches the reception desk near the waiting room and asks if she can speak to Dr. Boldsen.

"She's doing her rounds, but I will page her and she'll be here as soon as she's done," the nurse says.

Jude thanks her just as she hears Darius' booming voice. She turns around and sees him having what seems to be a heated discussion with Kwest while Sadie stands nearby like she's ready to jump in to play the referee.

"And what am I supposed to do about the rest of the week? We have four shows to put out, including two broadcasts of two hours each. I have deals with a bunch of networks. If I back out, I can kiss my label goodbye."

"God, Darius! How can you worry about that stupid contest when Tommy could be dying? What the hell is wrong with you?" Jude yells, fists clenched.

Kwest reaches out to put a hand on her shoulder to try and calm her down. "Darius is just as worried, I'm sure. But he has a business to run, Jude. And Tommy's worked so hard for that Finale; I'm sure he will ask about it when he wakes up." Then, turning to Darius, he adds, "I'll call a few contacts and try to get someone to fill in for Tommy with me. It shouldn't be a problem."

"But what about Jude? She's supposed to sing."

Jude glares at him. "If you seriously think I'm going to get on that stage while Tommy is here, you—"

"Darius, you can't ask that of Jude," Kwest cuts in. "Her place is here with Tommy, and you know it."

Darius nods. "I do, but—"

"D, why don't you call Shay?" Sadie suggests.

"Shay is too busy. And he probably thinks he's too big for this. He won't agree to do it."

"Tell him it's for me," Jude says. "Tell him what's going on and that I need his help."

"He'll do it for Jude," Kwest agrees.

Darius turns his eyes on Sadie and she nods, understanding the message. "I'll make the call."

"Miss Harrison? What can I do for you?"

Jude twirls around at the sound of Dr. Boldsen's voice. "I want to see Tommy, doctor."

"I told you: he will be asleep for a while."

"I know, but I need to be there with him when he wakes up."

"I'm afraid we do not let visitors spend the night. You'll have to come back in the morning."

"I can't do that. He needs me. I'm not leaving. I don't want to be a nuisance, but I'm _not_ leaving."

Darius comes to stand next to Jude. "Doctor, I'm Mr. Quincy's boss and I know for a fact that our corporate insurance covers the cost of a private room. Is he in a private room?"

"Yes, he is."

"Then Miss Harrison isn't likely to bother anybody, is she?"

"No, but this is hospital policy."

"Doctor: you told us yourself that this is a critical time for Mr. Quincy. Now, I don't want to throw my weight around and go behind your back to pull some strings, but I will if you do not let Miss Harrison stay with him tonight."

Dr. Boldsen hesitates with a sigh, but after giving Jude a long look, she relents. "Very well. But if you get in the way of anyone, we'll have to ask you to leave."

"I promise you won't have to."

"OK. Come with me."

Jude turns to Darius to thank him. "I _do_ care about T, Jude. Let me know if I can do anything else."

Jude nods and then follows Dr. Boldsen.

* * *

When Tommy wakes up, his body aches all over. He tries to open his eyes, but the light hurts. He tries to bring his arm up to shield his eyes from the light, but his arm hurts—everything hurts. Through his eyelids, he can see the light dimming almost magically but then he breathes her in. _Her_. Jude. She's here. She's the magic.

Where is he?

He opens his eyes slowly and he sees her. She's busy drawing down the shades, so she stands in the half-light. He feels his heart beating faster in his chest. His heart, it seems, is the only organ of his which can move without hurting right now. Even speed up.

He's in a hospital room. Now that he realises this, he can hear the beeps of the machines around him. He can feel something on the back on his left hand. IV drip, he assumes. Reality catches up to him. He remembers why he's here. He fainted. At the venue. After the first show.

Jude finally turns around and sees that he's awake, eyes fixed on her. He looks so frail, so weak; she has to fight back the tears. She can't choke on sobs. She has things to say.

"If that's OK with you, I'm going to raise the head of the bed a little so I can see you better," she says with a smile. Tommy nods faintly. She presses the button and adjusts the bed, and then she sits down on the chair she's pushed next to the head of his bed, on his right side, so she could sleep close to him; so she could feel any difference in his breathing pattern.

Without warning, she takes his hand into hers and says, "I'm donating part of my liver to you."

"Jude—" he croaks.

"See," she interrupts, "Dr. Boldsen told me you'd be pretty groggy when you'd wake up, and chances are you wouldn't be able to talk much at first. So, selfishly, I will use this opportunity to say all that I need to say. This isn't a discussion, Quincy. This is me, talking, and you, listening. Do we have a deal?"

He nods numbly. His heart speeds up again when she presses a kiss on his hand.

"While you were sleeping, they ran all those tests on me—well, on all of us, really—and it turns out I'm a match. Crazy, uh? But at the same time, I don't know why it should be surprising." She pauses and her eyes seem to plunge into his. Tommy gulps. "I'm yours, Tommy. I have been yours since the day I kissed you at the Vinyl Palace. And I've spent a lot of time fighting it as of late because being yours is scary."

She stops to take a deep breath.

"But now that you're here, now that it feels like I could lose you—_really_ lose you forever—I have to give you back what's yours. And what's yours is my love. I could say my heart, but you see; you've had my heart all this time." She smiles ruefully. "Over the last year, I thought I was coping with a broken heart, but when you fainted and Kwest told me what was wrong with you and as I watched the paramedics strapping you up and hauling you into an ambulance, I realised that I was living without my heart. My heart never went to London; it stayed with you all this time. I gave it to you when I was fifteen years old and I never took it back."

One solitary tear drops from her eye and slides down her cheek. She's tired. Her eyes are red, there are dark circles under them, and she looks as white as a sheet, but Tommy has never seen anyone as beautiful as she is right now.

"I realise this is a long time coming, but I want to apologise, Tommy. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for leaving you like that. I was scared. Since I've met you, you've been everything to me. My family fell apart around me. My mom took off. My dad was there, but not really. I ended up getting closer to Sadie, and for that, I am grateful that my parents screwed up, but apart from her, you were my only home. You _are_ my only home. But it's a home that's seen better days; a home that's weathered some pretty strong storms, and I was scared it would only take one last storm to make it crumble completely. And if it did, I truly don't know what I would've done. I didn't want to risk it, so I fled."

He is tempted to speak but her eyes tell him she's not done. Besides, he's not sure he'd find his voice. His throat is sore. He winces as he swallows. Jude sees this. She releases his hand and gets up to grab the water pitcher sitting on his rolling table. She pours water in a cup and takes a straw. Slowly, she guides the straw to his lips, and he drinks, gratefulness pouring out of his eyes. She smiles and cannot resist the temptation to brush some hair out of his forehead. Her hand strokes his face gently, and though he didn't think it was possible, his heart speeds up once more. When he's done drinking, she puts the cup down on the side table, sits back down and takes his hand again.

"What happened in New Brunswick; it really broke me." She looks him straight in the eye, and he reads the worry in hers. "I'm not saying this to make you feel bad, I'm saying it to explain why I took off like I did. I saw how easily you could close yourself off to me, and it left me with such a sense of dread. When I came back from your hometown, I was an empty shell. Without _you_, I was an empty shell, and that terrified me. I gave in to my love for you after what happened with Megan because it was so traumatic. And honestly, with the exception of Sadie, you were the only person I wanted to see after all of that went down. That's why I had to leave and let you go. I didn't want to. I never wanted to let you go, but I needed to learn to stand on my own."

Tommy nods slowly. It hurts to move his head. _Man, my whole body is breaking_, he thinks.

"And I think I did, but to do that, I had to banish you from my life, my thoughts, even my music."

She takes another pause and he clears his throat to catch her attention. Needing no explanation, Jude reaches out for the cup of water and brings the straw back to his lips, and strangely, the gesture awakens an aching pain in his chest. For the first time since the diagnosis fell, he is truly afraid to die. He doesn't want to leave her now that she's here, so close. She puts the cup back down on the side table, but she doesn't take his hand back into hers.

"When I saw you again… Actually, that's not true. When I spoke to you over the phone, it dawned on me that my life in London was a half-life. I'm not sure what to do about it, really, but I suppose it doesn't matter now."

He frowns, not understanding what she means. _It does matter; of course it does!_

"So I'm going under the knife in a few days," Jude continues. "They'll admit me tomorrow for the pre-surgery regimen. Dr. Boldsen explained the whole procedure to me. They are rushing it a bit since your condition is getting critical, but thankfully, though I _am_ a rock star," she smiles, "I don't really have the lifestyle of one, so that should help. And that means you will go under the knife in a few days, too."

Tommy stares at Jude, imploring her for the right to speak. "Go ahead," she says with a faint smile.

"Is…" His voice breaks and he clears his throat once more. "Is this dangerous?" he whispers. "I don't want you to take any risk."

She looks at him with so much love in her eyes, he thinks he might die here; die a happy man. _His_ Jude. She's here. Within reach. If only he had the strength to move his limbs.

"There's always a risk with surgery, but Dr. Boldsen said I'm healthy and strong and should recover well. I'll be hospitalized for a day or two and will have to do a follow-up visit about two weeks later. After that, a check-up is recommended after six months, and then every year, but all should be well."

"But there is a risk?" he croaks.

"Yes," she nods. "But it's minimal, and there's no talking me out of it. And there are no strings attached either, Tommy."

His brows furrow. What could she possibly mean? "What?" is all he can manage to say.

"I'm not expecting anything from you. I'm doing this because it can save you. I want you to live. I want you to be healthy and well again. I _need_ you to stay alive in this world. But I have no expectations as far as you and I are concerned."

There's sadness in her eyes; sadness Tommy wishes he could take away with just a few words. He wants to say them, but he's afraid to do it. He still can't quite believe she is doing such a selfless thing for him. He feels like he doesn't deserve it; that she had it right when she went to London and left him behind.

But in the end, it's the tears that start rolling down on her cheeks that make the decision for him. He doesn't want to deny it, to deny _her_, anymore. What's the point when this could truly be it? "I love you, Jude," he murmurs.

He sees her holding her breath and casting her eyes down. He reaches out with difficulty but she sees his hand moving over the blanket. She understands implicitly that he wants her to hold it, so she does. He squeezes her hand with as much strength as he can muster.

"I can't believe you're doing this for me," he continues. "You're an angel. You're _my_ angel." He pauses—his voice is still weak. "If I survive this," he adds in a low voice, "I want the strings, _all_ the strings. I want you with me. I don't ever want to let you go again."

She finally looks up to his face. What he sees in her eyes takes his breath away. "I love you so much, Tommy. Don't say _if_ you survive and don't you dare letting me go again."

Even though no one can read Tommy's face quite as well as Jude can, the expression she sees now leaves her puzzled. It's a look of awe. That, mixed in with a few tears running down his cheeks, makes her heart swell. More than anything, in that moment, she wishes she could hold him in her arms, feel his heart against her own, but he's too feeble and she doesn't want to hurt him.

As though he could read her mind—or maybe because they are of the same mind—he lifts his arm, the one with the IV drip, weakly and whispers, "Please lie down next to me."

"I-I can't, Tommy. I don't want to hurt you."

"Jude, it'll hurt me more to let you go into surgery without holding you in my arms first."

Jude releases his hand and gets up to push the bed rail down. She kicks off her shoes and ever so slowly, she climbs into his bed and lies on her side, facing him, not daring to touch him. He lifts his arm to wrap it around her waist and he pulls her closer to him, weakly. His lips normally so luscious are white and dry, but she doesn't care. She scoots closer and presses her mouth on his. It's not a passionate kiss—Tommy is too feeble for that—but it's a kiss so full of love; a kiss that takes some of the pain of the last year away. When he pulls back, slightly out of breath, she simply brings her hand to his face and gently strokes his forehead and his cheek. He smiles and kisses her fingers when they brush past his lips.

The door opens and a nurse comes in, taking in the scene.

"I hate to tear you two apart, but it would be better for Mr. Quincy to rest."

Tom shoots a panicked look at Jude who simply caresses his cheek once again.

"I think he'll rest better if I'm lying here, next to him," Jude says, smiling at Tommy, her eyes never leaving him. "I promise to be careful."

The nurse eyes them both closely before she sighs with a shrug. "Well, the doctors wouldn't like it, but I'll pretend I haven't seen anything. Just… just be careful, miss."

Just as the nurse is about to close the door, she hears Tommy whisper, "I'm never letting you go."

* * *

**A/N: **Hope you'll forgive me for that obvious and predictable plot point, but it was my plan from the beginning. I was tempted to make Jake a match because that would have been an interesting twist, but I just couldn't. In my mind, Jude and Tommy complete each other in every way, so it only makes sense that she would be a match.

Now: is it logical from a medical point of view? More or less, but this is fiction: I can do whatever I want! ;)

But hey! Feel free to tell me what _you_ think – hehe.


	19. Go

**A/N:** Apologies for the delay. I've been snowed under an avalanche of work over the last few weeks. I want to thank you again for your reviews. You are all awesome!

Just a quickie: I am not a medical expert; I'm a translator/copywriter. This is a story I am writing for fun. If this was an actual (paid) assignment, I would be consulting experts on the medical aspects of my story, but as it is, my only resource is the Web and the experience of people I know. I'm trying to do research as much as possible, but I'm probably (read: _most definitely_—hehe) getting some stuff wrong. Hope you'll forgive me for that! ;)

Now on with chapter nineteen!

* * *

**Chapter Nineteen – Go**

Jude wakes up, feeling disoriented for a moment—the bed sheets are stiff on her skin and there's a strange kind of sensation in her abdomen. Her natural reaction is to reach out for it, but when her hand touches it; it sends a sharp pain to her core. "What the hell?" she mutters.

"Hey, you're awake."

She recognizes Jake's voice, it kind of pulls her back to reality, like an anchor, and everything comes back to her. She opens her eyes suddenly only to shut them again.

"Too bright?" Jake asks and she feels him getting up to draw the shades.

"No, leave it. My eyes will adjust." Her voice is rusty and she wonders how long she's been asleep. She risks opening her eyes again, slowly this time, her head turned towards Jake, and the first thing she sees is his smile.

"Hey, beautiful! How are you feeling?"

Her hand leaves the ache on her abdomen to run over her face. "How's Tommy?" Jake gives her a crooked smile, but doesn't answer. Panic shoots through her immediately. _Something's wrong._ "What's wrong? Is something wrong with Tommy?"

"No, no, Jude. Sorry. I was just taken aback by you asking about him straight away." He shakes his head. "It's a beautiful thing, that's all. Tommy is still under. Everything went according to plan, but it's no little thing, a liver transplant, so he's in ICU. But you know that already, yes? You remember what Dr. Boldsen told you, right?"

Jude nods. "I want to see him." Already, she's trying to move up from the bed, though a few tubes and wires seem to prevent her movements.

"You are supposed to walk as soon as you can, love, but I reckon they didn't mean for you to do it today."

Sadie suddenly jumps into Jude's view. "You heard, Jake: Tommy is in intensive care, Jude. He's still sleeping. He's under a respirator and hooked up to a bunch of machines and… Well, Dr. Boldsen tells us that everything is normal so far, but his appearance can be frightening."

"I want to see him, Sadie," Jude repeats stubbornly.

Sadie comes closer to the bed and takes Jude's hand. "Sweetie, you've just woken up. You're probably in pain yourself. Why don't you just rest today? You'll feel better tomorrow and will probably be able to walk to Tommy's room with just a little help from us."

"Sadie: I want to see Tommy. I don't care if I'm sore. I don't care if I have to drag myself there. I don't care what he looks like. I _need _to see him."

Sadie is about to argue, but Jake reaches out and presses her shoulder gently. "Why don't I go find someone—a nurse or better yet a doctor? They can tell us if Jude can move safely. If she wants to see him, she should see him, Sadie."

Sadie sighs. "How? Obviously, she can't walk there!"

"Well, if we have the go ahead, I'm sure I can hunt for a wheelchair. If there's one thing you can be sure is readily available in a hospital, it's a wheelchair."

Sadie's expression tells them she's far from convinced, but she relents. "OK. I'll go find a doctor. They'll want to look at you anyway, Jude. And then whatever he or she says goes, we're all agreed, right?"

Jude smiles faintly. "You know I usually get my way."

"So do I!" Sadie shoots back before dropping a kiss on her sister's forehead and spinning on her heels to go find a doctor.

"She's just worried," Jake says with a wink, hoping to make Jude smile, which she does.

"I know."

But in the end, Jude does win. The doctor gives her the green light. Jake has to locate a wheelchair, and it's a bit of an adventure to lower her on the chair while dragging her IV drip. Fortunately, she's mobile enough to get herself to the washroom with minimal help, which Sadie is happy to provide, so the urinary catheter is no longer needed.

While Jake wheels her on slowly, Jude notices Sadie nervously biting her lips. "I know he won't look good, Sades. I'm OK with that."

Sadie nods but doesn't say anything. It's been a difficult few days: she's exhausted and overemotional, and well aware that she _is_ exhausted and overemotional.

And even though Jude is prepared and truly does not care in what state Tommy is as long as she knows he's OK and everything is normal, it _is_ a shock to see him and she lets out an audible gasp. He looks so small. She never thought she would ever see Tommy look so fragile. Despite the few blankets piled on top of his body, he looks frail. She can't avoid the question that pops in her mind: _How much weight has he lost since this whole thing began?_ Jake stops pushing the chair, Sadie presses Jude's hand, but Jude is still too far. She shakes the fear away and asks, "Could you bring me closer, please?"

Jake wheels her next to the bed. Tommy's face is slightly turned in her direction. She tries to ignore all the things that are plugged to his body and his beautiful face and just grabs on to his hand. "I'm here, Tommy," she murmurs.

* * *

Jude's recovery is quick. As Dr. Boldsen predicted, her youth and good health are huge contributing factors. She is released on the next day, though she winds up spending most of her time at the hospital anyway, pacing back and forth in Tommy's room because a seated position hurts more than an upright one.

Tommy spends the first week in ICU, only waking up for short bouts of time, and every time, his eyes seek Jude. But she is not hard to find, always standing (and sometimes sitting) next to him.

On the fourth day, not liking the colour of her skin, Dr. Boldsen forces Jude to go home and rest, much to her protest. However, Kwest and Spied, who are also visiting Tommy, are glad to hear the doctor's order. "I'll stay with him, dude. No problem. And I'll call you if anything changes: I promise."

"Come on, Jude. Let me take you home. I'll even stay to be at your beck and call since Sadie has to work."

"But—"

"You know Tommy would want you to rest. He's fine. He's sleeping most of the time. Please let me take you home." Kwest takes his best pleading face, and Jude caves in. She is exhausted: there's no denying it.

And she falls asleep pretty much as soon as her head hits the pillow. She doesn't know for how long, but she is awoken by the smell of soup. Smiling, Kwest is standing by the door of her bedroom, holding a tray on which sit a bowl of said soup, a huge sandwich and a coffee mug.

Jude sits up against her pillow and smiles. "As good as your sandwiches are, Kwest, I don't think I can eat that massive thing."

"Who says it's for you?" Kwest winks. "How about you try the soup and then tell me if you want anything else? Also brought you some coffee."

"You're amazing, Kwest. I—" Jude stops herself just in time. She was about to bring up Sadie; asking a silly question like _How could Sadie ever let you go_ when it must be hard enough for Kwest to be in this house. Still, looking down at the masterpiece of a sandwich he's made for himself, she can't help but add: "I see you still know your way around our kitchen."

Kwest smiles faintly. "Yeah. Not much stand in my way when I want a sandwich, as you know."

Though Jude has never been exactly good in the role of the invalid, she is surprised to enjoy this quiet moment with Kwest. She always got along with him—it was hard not to—but there's a new unspoken depth to their companionable silence. Kwest bites into his sandwich enthusiastically, but his eyes are cast down. Jude studies his face carefully and sees the toll of the last few months in his drawn features. "The soup is very good. Thanks." Kwest nods with a smile. Jude hesitates. "These last few months… It must have been hell for you."

Kwest stops mid-bite and swallows with difficulty. "Yeah."

"You were a good friend for keeping the secret."

"Was I?" He shakes his head. "That was a close call. Too close." He looks up at Jude. "I want you to know that I gave him an ultimatum, though. Either he or I would've told you before you went back to London."

Jude takes a sip of coffee. "Yeah. Like I would've boarded a plane after that."

Kwest can't help but walk through the door Jude cracked open. "And now? What's going to happen now, Jude?"

"Well I'm staying put for the foreseeable future, that's for sure."

"Tom has a long road ahead of him. But what you did, it was incredible."

"You would've done the same thing had you been a match," Jude points out.

"True. But isn't it strange that _you_ were? It's like a message or something."

Jude nods. "I know. I'm sorry, Kwest."

Kwest bobs his head in surprise. "For what?"

"For hurting your best friend."

"There was plenty of hurting to go around, Jude. But I guess I am a little worried about what's going to happen now."

"I love Tommy. I want him in my life."

Kwest takes another bite, mostly to buy some time. "I just hope it all works out."

"You think it won't?" _What does he know that he's not telling me?_

Amazingly, Kwest seems to read her mind. "I don't know anything, Jude. It's just that I've been there for the whole thing. I've seen your infatuation from the get go. I've seen it blossoming into love. I've seen T falling for you. Hard. Harder than I thought possible. I know how much you love each other. I just hope you can finally be happy. Especially after this."

"Well, I can tell you this much: I don't ever want to be away from Tommy again."

_And Tommy did promise to never let me go again_, she thinks, remembering the intensity of his gaze when he said those words.

* * *

Days pass and Tommy gets better and stronger every day. Soon, he's transferred back to a private regular room. He's awake for longer bouts of time. He can breathe on his own, though he's still being given oxygen to speed up the healing process. He can be lifted to a seated position and actually eat a little (very little) and talk. Most of all, he can smile to Jude whenever she walks in. He can press her hand back when she grabs on to his. Soon, he can also kiss her hello and goodbye. And look at her—actually _look_ at her.

* * *

A few weeks in, something is gnawing at Jude. She now knows without the shadow of a doubt that Tommy loves her as much as ever—it was in his eyes every time he looked at her; it was in his fingertips every time they grazed her skin; it was in the air around them every time she visited him in his room. She also feels a brand new connection to him, as silly as it would probably sound if she was to mention it out loud. But the fact that a part of her is now keeping him alive makes her feel so much closer to him; makes her feel like they are truly one. But the trouble is they are still not one. Since they've reconnected, they have not been intimate. There is nothing surprising in that: Tommy is still recovering. He has to take a whole slew of medicines: anti-rejection medication, painkillers, etc. She certainly couldn't begrudge him the lack of intimacy, and yet…

Yet…

Sitting next to his bed right now, watching him sleep, she finds herself desiring him so intensely. Those small moments they've shared over the last few weeks have made her heart beat faster, but her body aches for something more. She longs to feel him all around her, over her, _in_ her. She holds on to his hand and feel the pads of his fingers—rough yet soft—and she imagines how it would be to feel them on her again. She closes her eyes and is transported back to their last night together over a year ago: the glint in Tommy's blue eyes as he entered her; his breath on her neck as he kissed and thrust. A wave of heat racks her body. She opens her eyes to get back to the present moment. She's flustered when he wakes up and smiles to her, but she can't find the courage to ask him about it; to ask him when he thinks he'll be ready for intimacy or if he even discussed it with Dr. Boldsen. It seems so small in comparison with everything else. And yet…

Yet…

But she replies to his smile with one of her own.

"Kiss me," he says, his voice made huskier by sleep, and as though he can read her mind… a little.

And of course, she gets up from her chair to sit on his bed next to him and do just what he asked, noticing how his mouth feels stronger on hers; more passionate, more _Tommy_. His hand slips to the back of her head and grabs on to her hair while she wishes she could just press herself closer until there's nothing left between them; no blanket, no clothes, no air—nothing. Just her body against his; skin against skin.

When the kiss ends, Tommy rests his forehead against hers and says, with a smile, "Now that's what I call saying hello."

"I agree wholeheartedly," Jude says, moving back slightly and stroking his cheek.

"How are you feeling?" he asks.

"Shouldn't I be the one to ask you this?"

"Nope," he smirks. "So, how are you?"

"I'm good. I'm surprised at how fast I'm healing, actually. And you?"

"I'm sore pretty much all over, but better."

"You _do_ look better. You even got some colour back."

Tommy smiles. "Well, that's probably from kissing you." He glances at the clock on the wall. "How long have you been in here?"

"Hmm… about half an hour?"

"You slept in? Good. I'm glad."

"Not really. I helped Jake to pack. It's crazy the amount of things you can buy in just a few weeks."

"Going back to London?"

"Yeah. We pushed back our flight with… well, everything that happened, but now he's leaving tomorrow morning."

"And you're not?" Tommy asks, frowning a little.

"No, of course not! I'm staying here with you."

"You should go back with him, Jude."

"But you are—"

"Recovering slowly but surely," he clips in. "There's even talk of releasing me soon."

"But you'll need help once you get back home."

"Darius already looked into hiring a nurse for as long as it takes. I'll be all right."

"I wanted to take care of you," she says, biting her lower lip.

"And I want you to take care of _you_. You must be itching to get back in the studio."

"But I thought you were never letting me go!" she says half-sheepishly, half-accusingly.

"And I'm not. But I don't want to hold you back either. You've got an album to finish. It's been put on pause long enough already. Anyway, now that I know for sure that I have your heart, I'll hold on to it: believe me."

"Like I'll hold on to yours."

Tommy shakes his head. "No, girl. It's right here," he says, tapping his chest. "Next to yours, keeping it warm." Jude grimaces a little, teasing him. "Cheesy, I know. I'm a little out of practice," he jokes. "But I still mean it, Jude," he adds in a serious tone.

"I'm glad you're out of practice," she says with a smirk.

He smiles and replies softly, "Me too," before he kisses her again.

"Have you… Have you been with anyone since… well?" she asks as soon as they break apart.

"No."

"No one?" she asks, surprised.

"No one." He takes a deep breath. "I was tempted at first, just to distract myself for a while, but the urge I felt was to find anyone who looked even remotely like you so I could picture _you_ instead. And I knew that it would just end up making me feel bad. Guilty. Dirty. Not to mention I would probably wind up missing you even more. And then, well, I got sick. That kind of took over everything else."

Jude keeps silent for a while, expecting Tommy to ask her the same question, but he doesn't. She can't understand why and she feels like she needs to tell him the truth, just so there are no secrets between them; just so everything is out in the open. "Me and Jake…" she begins.

"It's OK, Jude."

"No, but I want you to understand, Tommy. I felt so alone in London for a time, and it was only about comfort and—"

He reaches out to grab her hand. "Girl, that's yours and yours alone. And I understand. Probably better than anyone."

"So you're OK with it?" she asks, stunned.

"Well, I won't pretend that I like the idea of another man touching you. You wouldn't believe me anyway," he smiles. "But Jake is a nice guy and he obviously cares about you. I understand why you would turn to him. And I know a whole lot about feeling alone and just needing someone to hold on to. Besides, I kind of suspected it anyway."

"How?" she asks, genuinely curious.

Tommy shakes his head. "I'm not sure. Just a hunch. And then when you asked what I thought of him; I felt like maybe you were trying to tell me more. But hey," he says, bringing her palm to his lips. "It doesn't matter: truly." Jude smiles faintly, still not completely convinced. "But Jude: I have to ask you something," he adds, and she braces herself. "Before the surgery, you told me about your life in London being a half-life. You said it matter-of-factly, but I didn't like the sound of it. What did you mean by that?"

Jude takes a moment to think on it. "I meant that without you, half of my life felt like I was just going through the motions, I guess. I pushed you out of my thoughts, but I was going against what was natural, normal. Surprise, surprise: you were kind of stubborn and didn't want to be kicked out," she smirks.

"I guess my life was a half-life too, then. I kind of did the same thing." Jude smiles but casts her eyes down. "What is it?" he asks.

She's been putting that question on the backburner since he's been feeling well enough to actually have conversations. But the question has been there, repeating itself over and over in her head, buzzing in her ears. "Why, Tommy? Why didn't you tell me you were sick?"

Tommy takes a deep breath. "Honestly, most of the time, I had a hard time admitting it to myself. I tried to tell you. That night you came over, I almost did, but then I chickened out."

"Why?"

"I knew that as soon as I would tell you, it would become bigger than anything else. I knew it would break me. And I also couldn't bear the thought of causing you pain. Again. Like I always do."

"You don't always cause me pain, Tommy. I've hurt you, too." Tommy shakes his head but doesn't say anything. "And besides, look! Look at us now! Me knowing, that's how you're here."

Tommy sighs. "And I didn't want that either."

"What?! Are you saying you wanted to die?" She almost spits out the words.

"No, no! That's not it. It's just…" He takes a moment to gather his thoughts. "I love you so much, Jude. And I'm so grateful for what you've done for me. I just feel like I could never repay you for that."

"You don't have to. That's not how it works."

"Once again, it feels like you had to sacrifice something. For me. You gave me this huge gift, and I feel like all I've ever given you was heartache."

"That's not true, Tommy."

He gives her a small smile. "It's a little true."

Jude grabs his face and before he can say anything more, she kisses him; mouth hungry, passionate, desperate. Tommy wraps his arms around her and pulls her closer. For just a moment, they both manage to forget that they're in a hospital and why they're in a hospital. But when the kiss ends, Tommy knows he needs to address the trip back to London again.

"You have to go back, Jude."

"After everything that happened, are you _really_ pushing me away again?" she says vehemently.

"No. I'm not letting you go. I meant what I said. You are _it_ for me, Jude. I've known that for a long time. I've stopped trying to make it a reality only because I was dying, but I've never stopped wanting it. I never stopped wanting _you_. But you need to finish what you started: your album, your contract, your life in London. And I need to sort some things out."

"Without me."

"No. Not without you. Please stop thinking that," he says, reaching out to stroke her cheek. "I love you, girl. More than anything. But my head is a bit of a mess after all of this. I need time to sort it out. Not to push you away. Just time with myself. Do you understand?"

She's not sure she does. The last thing she wants is to be away from Tommy. In fact, she wants _more_ of him; maybe more than he can handle giving right now. And all the while, he wants to ship her back to London? To put an ocean between them again?

Tommy looks at her intently and he can see that she's understanding him all wrong. With his hand, he lifts her chin up so he can look at her straight in the eye. "I can see that you don't. And I'm not sure how to explain it better. So, would it be too much for me to ask you to trust me? I know I've not always given you reasons to do that, but I guess I'm asking anyway. Trust me? Trust that I love you? Trust that this is _not_ me letting you go? At all?"

Jude stays silent for a while, her eyes focussed on Tommy's face. She reads his love in his eyes, but she still doesn't like what his mouth is telling her. "I know that you love me, Tommy. I trust that. But I'm afraid of this distance thing. I know what you do when you're left by yourself. I know the things that run through your head. I know how you convince yourself to pull away from me."

"It's not like that—"

"It's _always_ been like that. Has it really changed? And now, you're telling me to go while you're still in the hospital. You're telling me to leave you at a time when technically, you should need me and want me near." She looks down again, and Tommy feels her recoiling from him, both physically and mentally. "I guess some things never change." She gets up from the bed.

"Please, Jude. Don't leave like that." Tommy reaches out with his hand but Jude is already out of his grasp.

She grabs her coat and purse from the chair before she bores her eyes into his. "What else do you want me to do? I'm hurt, Tommy. You're pushing me away. Again."

"I'm not—"

"Well, you win. I'll fly back to London tomorrow, if I can get a ticket."

"Jude, wait—"

Pushing back the tears, she is already halfway to the door when she hears a grunt. Spinning around, she sees Tommy trying to push himself off the bed. Wires and tubes are snaking all around him. Even if he could get up, he wouldn't be able to go very far, but Jude is leaving so he has to try. Grunting once more, he stands up only to fall backwards—fortunately, on the bed. Jude yelps and rushes to his side. "What are you trying to do?"

He's about to protest when he sees the hint of tears in her eyes as she's bending over him, helping him to sit on the bed. He grabs her shoulders and pulls her next to him. Then he wraps her face between his hands. "Do you have any idea how much I love you, Jude?"

Jude nods. "About as much as I do."

"Yes. Please don't go away angry."

"I don't want to go at all," she admits.

"I know. But you have to. I'm not going to be the one holding you back. But trust me when I say I'm _not_ letting you go. I will call you. Every day. You'll be sick of me."

"Who says I'm not already sick of you?" she teases with a half-smile, and Tommy grins, flooded with relief. "Coming to see you at the hospital every day is a total drag," she adds, encouraged by his smile. "And don't take this the wrong way, but this colour," she points to his light green hospital gown, "is not doing you any favours."

"There's my girl," he murmurs before he takes possession of her lips.

When the kiss ends, Tommy lets go of her face and Jude pulls back to look at him with a serious expression. "OK. I'll go. Not angry. Slightly pissed off, but not angry."

"I'll take what I can get."

"And you _better_ call me!"

"I will, trust me. Now go kick some ass, Harrison!"

* * *

**A/N: **Of course I had to throw in just a little extra angst… Forgive me? ;)


	20. Home

**A/N: **Well, this is it: the last chapter. And boy is it long—HA!

I am a little sad; I must admit it. And a little nervous: hope you guys will like the conclusion of my tale.

This was my first fan fiction. And not only that, this was the first romance I've ever written (I tend to be just a _tad_ more cynical in my usual writing style). So this chapter also contains the first love scene I've ever written. I'm happy with the result, though it may not be as scorching (or smutty) as some of you might hope – hehe. But I think it's both sweet and passionate, and it works for my story.

I want to thank everyone who has read this story, but special thanks go to those of you who have left me comments: they meant AND mean so much (if you feel like leaving one again after reading this chapter, I will _not_ be unhappy - hehe!). I definitely wasn't expecting to see so much interest in a story about a show that got off the air a good number of years ago, and it was a pleasant surprise. It was such a treat to read your comments: I am very grateful to every single one of you reviewers.

So hope you will like this last chapter! I will miss the fun characters of IS so much, especially our two lovebirds. xo to all of you!

* * *

**Chapter Twenty – Home**

Kwest watches Tommy moving around in his kitchen, resisting the urge to help out, and the urge is strong after weeks of anticipating his friend's every need. However, Tommy is clearly doing better. The nurse hired by Darius turned out to be caring but tough, pushing Tommy to do more every day, and when she was ready to move on, he had been very thankful in their parting words. Still, it is difficult for Kwest to let Tommy do things at his own pace, especially when he catches some wincing on his face, but he understands his friend's need to regain his independency, so he stands out of the way, letting Tommy getting some tea ready and taking food out of the fridge to assemble some sandwiches. "I suppose I should let you handle the whole sandwich business, right?" Tommy asks with a grin.

"I _am_ the master."

Tommy waves a hand around, inviting Kwest to take over, before walking back to the fridge to get some milk for the tea. Instead, he pauses in front of it and gets lost in a picture of Jude held on the fridge with a few magnets. At Tommy's order, the pictures of Jude had been removed from the walls of his apartment by the cleaning crew while he was secluding himself at his friend's cabin right after she left. And the pictures had remained in a marked box in his storage unit since then. The picture on the fridge; it was Jude's doing. She'd swung by his place between their last visit at the hospital and the time she had boarded a plane back to London. It was a recent picture: her hair was longer and her face looked grave. But there was a smile on her lips. And she was holding a note with the words _I love you_. Tommy had left the picture exactly where Jude had put it. Sometimes, like now, he wonders what ever possessed him to ask her to go.

"You're all right, man?" Kwest asks.

Shaking himself out of his thoughts, Tommy opens the fridge door and replies a "Yeah."

"Thinking about Jude?"

Putting the milk carton on the island with a crooked smile, Tommy says, "Well, that's nothing new, right?"

"Yeah. Can I ask you something that's clearly none of my business?"

"Sure. Though I think I can guess what that is."

"So why? Why did you ask her to go?"

"She had to get back to her life. She came back here because she was forced to contractually, if you remember."

"I do. But then this little thing called a liver transplant happened. Remember that?"

Tommy chuckles. "Oh, good. You're joking again. Now we're really back to normal."

Kwest smiles lightly. "Yeah. Seeing you doing so much better helps with the sense of humour. So, why did you let Jude go?"

"And the relentlessness, too, I see."

"I'm just being a concerned friend, that's all," Kwest says, holding his hands up.

"I know. I'm just trying to figure out what's best, man. She did leave a year ago because she needed to stand on her own and experience life, and I don't want to stand in the way of that." Tommy sits down on a stool, stirring his tea with a grimace. He misses coffee so damn much.

"But T: don't you think you guys should figure that out together?"

"I do. But I needed to deal with the mess in my head first."

"So you pushed her away?" Kwest cocks a brow.

"I didn't. I just didn't want her to put things on hold any longer for me. She told me I used to be everything to her. That's not right. I want to be there for her, but I want her to always remember that she is so strong and can pretty much do anything she wants."

"Have you explained that to her?"

Tommy takes a deep breath. "It wasn't even clear enough in my mind to put into words, you know? That's another reason why it was better for her to go back to London." Tommy scoffs. "I was so needy after the surgery. I was like this huge mass of energy suckage. If I had listened to my heart instead of my head, I would've grabbed on to her and let her push her life to the side for me. I don't ever want her to do that again."

"Then what do you want?"

"I want a partnership—a _real_ one. You know, what we had at first as producer-artist, I want that for us. I want her to feel like she can count on me, but I don't want her to _rely_ on me. I want her to continue to spread her wings because she's only just begun. She has so much more to offer and to discover still."

Kwest nods and smiles, pushing a plate with a small sandwich towards Tommy. "It sounds to me like you've cleared up a big part of the mess in your head, no? So now: what are you going to do about it?"

"Thanks," Tommy says, pointing at the plate. "That's what I'm trying to figure out. I'm looking for something, like a gesture; something to let her know I'm willing to do both: be there for her and let her fly free."

"What have you come up with so far?" Kwest asks, putting together a substantially bigger sandwich for himself.

Tommy sighs. "Honestly, I'm back to the stupid and unoriginal ring. I want to give one to her, but it's hard to do that without it looking like a shackle."

"I think the speech could help. Though it's still freaky to hear you express your feelings for Jude so clearly." Kwest winks.

Tommy chortles. "Yeah. I love her so much, man."

"So you won't mess it up this time, will you?"

"You know, for once, I don't think I will. I'll try my damndest, that's for sure." Tommy takes a bite of his sandwich. "This is good."

"But of course!" Kwest says, putting the finishing touch to his.

"So… You and Sadie have been getting closer, uh?"

Kwest fails to stop a small smile from curling his lips. "I guess. She needed help with everything that happened. I don't know what it means, though. It's mostly been professional so far. Maybe we can be friends? I don't know."

"You and Sadie: friends? Sure. Like Jude and I can be friends." Tommy smirks.

"I think you and Jude are in a category of your own, man." Kwest walks around the island to grab a stool so he can sit facing Tommy. "Actually, Sadie called earlier, asking if maybe we could meet for a coffee or drinks or something."

"That's great, man! You'll do it, right?"

Kwest smiles. "Do you even need to ask?"

Tommy nods. "Good. I'd like to see that story end well, too. You deserve it." Focussing on his sandwich to avoid the embarrassment of eye contact, he adds, "Thanks, man. I don't know what I would've done without you over the last months. I don't think I'll ever be able to thank you enough."

Eyes focussed on his own sandwich, Kwest replies, "You just did. Brothers are there for each other, no matter what, right? And that's what we are." The two friends resume eating in silence, both enjoying this return to a somewhat normal life.

* * *

"Everything is looking good, Tommy. Your scar is healing very well. How are you feeling? Any nausea or loss of appetite?"

"The opposite actually, doc. I find myself craving foods I haven't had in a while."

"Maybe you're pregnant." Tommy is taken aback before he laughs. "Doctors can joke, too," Dr. Boldsen says with a wink. "Any pain or fever?" Tommy shakes his head. "Very good. Any side effects from the medication?"

"I get tired more easily, but I think it's just my body recuperating."

"Probably, but let me know if it turns into a general sense of fatigue, OK? Because that could be a sign of something else. But this is excellent. I see you've gained back five pounds since the surgery: another very good sign. Well, I think that's it. I'll see you again in two weeks."

"Uh, actually, doc: I have a question."

"Go ahead."

"Uh… Well, it's two questions, really. The first one is: can I travel?"

"Travel where?" Dr. Boldsen asks with a frown.

"London."

"I'm sorry. Given what you do, I thought you meant more like an extensive road trip. Yes, you can travel to London. Do you plan to stay long?"

"I don't know."

"So you may need to get checked out over there is what you're saying."

"Yes."

"OK. Let me look into finding a colleague who would be able to follow-up with you while you're in London. You have a very good health insurance, so you should be covered. I'll have the secretary call you with the information. You need to be careful though, Tommy. Any sign of something not right, you get checked out right away, OK?" Tommy nods. "Good. What's your other question?"

_The embarrassing one_, Tommy thinks, but he's here, Dr. Boldsen is a professional, and he has to know. The need is certainly not going anywhere. "Uh… sex. Is it… safe?"

Dr. Bolden smiles reassuringly. "It's perfectly safe. At this point, it has more to do with your comfort level. Some people feel self-conscious about their appearance because of the scar, but I don't think that'd be your case. My standard advice is to just take it slow and listen to your body. But in my experience, when patients ask about it, it usually means they feel pretty ready."

Tommy smiles tightly. "Thanks."

"Anything else?" He shakes his head. "Very well. I'll have the secretary call you tomorrow with the contact information of a specialist in London." Tommy thanks her and then gets up and grabs his coat. "Oh, and Tommy: please say hello to Jude for me," Dr. Boldsen smiles.

"I will… If I remember," he replies with a smirk.

Dr. Boldsen's laughter is the last thing he hears before he closes the door to her office.

* * *

"Come in," Sadie says barely looking up from her computer, but just enough for her eyes to catch Tommy. She gets up quickly—a reflex—expecting him to need help walking; but clearly, he is doing that just fine on his own. Smiling, he takes a seat in front of her desk and Sadie sits back down. "You're looking well, Tom."

"Thanks. I'm feeling pretty well, too. How are you? Are things still crazy here?"

"Yes, but it's a manageable crazy. Kwest has been a huge help. I can't believe he took a leave of absence from NBR to come back here full time."

"_I_ can. And I'm pretty sure he didn't do it just for me."

Blushing slightly, Sadie turns her attention back to her computer for a moment, busying herself with a reply to an e-mail that, in truth, could've waited. "So, what are you doing here? Darius is not expecting you to come back to work yet, is he?"

"No. Uh… I guess I'm here to get your blessing in a way. I want to go surprise Jude in London, and uh, well, I need her address, which, ridiculously, I don't have."

"You don't need my blessing for that," Sadie scoffs.

"I know, but I'd like to know I have it still."

Sadie stops typing and turns her head to give Tommy her full attention. "Actually, I think going to London is a very good idea. You know, Tom, just a few weeks ago, Jude told me that though she thought it might sound stupid, she was expecting you to follow her in London a year ago."

Tommy shakes his head. "It's not stupid. I might've had, if things had been different."

Sadie takes a deep breath and reveals the rest. "She was expecting you to fight for her; this time, not because there was another guy involved, but because of _her_."

Tommy sighs, but he nods his head. "I get it. I really do. And that's what I want to do. I want to go to her. I want to really show her what she means to me."

"Good," Sadie says, taking a pen and a piece of paper to jot down Jude's address before pushing it on the desk towards Tommy. "Here you go."

"That's it?" Tommy smirks. "No warning? No threats? No _you better be good to my sister_?"

Sadie tilts her head and gives him a wry smile. "None. Kwest told me what you said to him, and believe it or not, it made a lot of sense to me. I appreciate what you did. It's hard for people like Jude, who's all about spontaneity and acting up in the moment, to understand the need to take a step back and reflect. I, on the other hand, understand it very well. I think you did the right thing. And I know how much you love my sister. So no: no warning. I believe you won't mess it up this time."

Tommy nods; his face serious. "Then allow me to issue a warning of my own, OK? Be careful with Kwest. Be sure he is who you want before making a move. He really loves you, you know."

Sadie takes a moment before answering. "See, this is why I understand what you did very well. I have thought about this long and hard. I want another shot with Kwest if he'll let me."

"He will."

"Well then: go get Jude, Tom."

Tommy smiles. "I intend to. Thanks, Sadie."

* * *

"Yeah, I wager I could've cross-dressed and still not had gotten your attention tonight. Not that I have anything fascinating to say, mind you, but the point was to try and distract you."

Jude smiles ruefully. "Sorry, Jake. My mind is kind of all over the place these days."

"Well, the album's wrapped, and it sounds spectacular. Of course, I'm on it, so that should come as no surprise."

"Mr. Modesty here."

"Always," Jake smirks. "In all seriousness, the album is fantastic, Jude. I think Nicola almost pissed his pants when he heard it."

Jude bursts out laughing. "You know, I think he did. For real. I'm very happy with the result, though. I think it's solid."

"That last song you added? Wow. Speaking of which, have you heard from him? What's happening there?"

"Tommy? He calls. Almost every day. He tells me he's missing me. He even sent flowers." _Flowers with a note that read, 'I'm not letting you go,'_ she thinks. So why couldn't she actually feel that? She wishes she could be near him again, in the same room, where she could feel his love wrapped around her like a blanket, the way that she did every time she visited him in his hospital room. With an ocean stretching vast between them, she's losing that clarity. "What about you? Anything new on the Kiera front? Whoa, is that a blush?"

Jake takes a long sip of beer to avoid the question. "Maybe, maybe. I don't know. It will all depend on you, actually."

"How so?"

"Well, if there is a tour. If you want me on it. And if the tour will magically start in Canada. In Toronto, to be precise," Jake winks.

"Ah, yeah. The tour will depend on how the album is received."

"Do you want to go on tour?"

"I want to… And I don't. I just wish things felt more, I don't know, settled with Tommy, you know?"

"That man loves you, Jude. Deep, real, true love."

"I know. But he loves me from afar right now. It feels… unstable."

Jake's reply is interrupted by Jude's phone ringing on the table. "Speak of the devil," she smiles faintly. She picks it up. "Hi, Tommy."

"Hey! Where are you?"

"Uh, at a pub with Jake. Why? Can you not hear me right?"

"No, it's not that," he says, and Jude hears the smile in his voice. "Well, uh… I was trying for that big romantic gesture of just showing up unannounced, so uh… Well, I'm standing at the front desk of your building where I am being told that 'Miss Harrison is not home'."

"What?! You're here?"

"In the flesh."

"Stay put! I'm coming!"

Jude hangs up and is about to explain the situation to Jake but he waves her off with a grin. "Go, love! And say hello for me… If you think of it," he adds with a wink.

* * *

Seeing Tommy standing in her building's lobby with a large traveling bag next to his feet is almost too much to take for Jude. Especially with Tommy smiling to her with that really soft smile of his and giving her that look—her look—, making her feel like she's the only woman in the world. And to him, maybe she is.

Seeing Tommy looking so gorgeous—healthier, steadier and _here_—renders her speechless. All she can do is run to him and wrap her arms around his neck to feel him against her. Then, wordlessly still, she takes his hand and guides him to the elevator and launches herself at him as soon as the door closes. His mouth welcomes hers with a soft moan and she inhales his scent—so loved, so missed—like she could never get enough of it.

They still don't exchange a word when she leads him in the hallway, takes her keys out of her pocket, opens the front door and lets him in. He barely has a second to look around before she attacks his mouth again. When she pulls back, he gives her the widest of smiles. "I take it this is a happy surprise."

"Of course I'm happy! This is wonderful! But what made you decide to come here?"

"Well…" he says, putting his bag down. "You came to me in New Brunswick. You came back to me in Toronto. You sought me out in my apartment that night you saw I wasn't feeling well. You waited for me to wake up in my room at the hospital—twice. You—" his voice breaks a little. He clears his throat and continues, "You saved my life. I just… I thought it was high time for _me_ to come to _you_ for once. Don't you think?"

Jude nods, suddenly feeling a huge lump in her throat.

"Plus, it was time for me to show you that I meant it when I said I was never letting you go again. I'll be honest: there's still a part of me that thinks I don't deserve you. I have a feeling it will always be there."

"That's not true!" Jude says passionately, grabbing his face between her hands.

Tommy turns his head slightly to kiss one of her palms. "But instead of letting that feeling rule me, I've decided to challenge it. I want to prove it wrong. And you know how stubborn I can be," he smirks.

"You? Never!" she grins.

"And…" he says, bringing his voice to a lower octave. "I just couldn't stand to be away from you anymore. I've missed you. So much."

"Me too. You have no idea."

She kisses him again, this time, simultaneously pushing his coat off his shoulders. Tommy tugs at it without missing a beat. He then frantically takes off his shirt and Jude's eyes glaze over his scar quickly—she's seen it more than once already, and at times when it looked much worse. She can see now that the skin is returning slowly to a more natural colour.

Tommy's hands are warm and exciting on her flanks. He kisses her as he lifts her shirt, his mouth leaving hers only for the time necessary to allow the shirt to pass over her head. He tosses it on the floor, on top of his, and his arms encircle her body, his hands climbing on her back to work on her bra fastener while his lips return to hers. She kisses him back with everything she's got while his hands gently pull down her bra straps to free her breasts. He takes a step back to throw her bra aside and admire her body—the body that's been haunting his dreams; the body he's been craving to touch for so long—but his eyes stop on her scar.

"Tommy…" Jude's voice is a little scared—is he repulsed by what he's seeing? Why is he stopping?

His eyes come back to her face—to her mouth swollen from their frenzied kissing—and their loving expression is tinged with reverence and just a touch of sadness.

"Do you hate the scar?"

"How could I? This scar is just a reminder of how big your heart is," he says, pressing his palm against her chest. "You're amazing."

Jude smiles shyly and Tommy takes her in his arms, picking her up. Jude wraps her legs around his waist and presses her mouth on his neck. "The bedroom's this way," she whispers in his ear, pointing towards her room, and he takes them there. He places her on the bed gently and joins her, lying on her right side, his hand caressing her thigh. His eyes leave her face to find the scar on her abdomen again. Slowly, ever so tenderly, his fingertips graze it, caressing the curvy line gingerly like he's afraid to hurt her. Suddenly, he bends his head and peppers the line with soft kisses. Lips still pressed against the centre of the mark, he says, "I love you"; his voice muffled by her skin.

Jude runs her fingers gently through his hair. "I love you," she says.

"I've dreamed of this, you know?"

"Of what? Kissing my scar?" she teases, but insecurity flutters in her chest.

Tommy lifts his head and looks up to her. Jude feels her breath catching in her throat. "Of making love to you."

The desire ignites in her; her heart pounding faster, a tingling heat running through her body. Tommy's lips move up from her abdomen to leave a trail of kisses between her breasts while his left hand reaches up to cup her right breast. Jude hesitates. Not knowing how recovered he is, she wants to let him take the lead, set the pace. She's content to simply let herself feel him all around and over her—everywhere—wrapping her in his love and warmth. His eyes meet hers, and the look in his gaze causes a hitch in her breath; it's a look of awe, of love, of desire, of hunger, of want. He turns his head and brings his mouth to her left breast, while his left hand still caresses her right breast. He nuzzles her breast before his mouth latches on to her nipple. She shivers. She shudders. Jude's right hand is still caught in his hair, but her left arm remains motionless, stretching on the mattress along her body. She wants to touch him but she's afraid to move, which comes as a shock to her given how much she wants him and how strongly he's awakening that desire with every single one of his touches and his mouth… His mouth...

"You can touch me, Jude," he whispers, and when his lips leave her nipple, she just wants to push his head back down against her breast, but she doesn't.

"I'm… I'm afraid."

Tommy moves his head up to press his mouth on her throat, and then his lips glide up along the line of her jaw. He lifts himself up to bring his chest over hers, covering it. She enjoys feeling his weight on her—warm and solid; tangible without crushing her. She suspects he's shifting his body this way on purpose, so she can feel his strength; so she can feel that he is really here with her. His lips reach her lips and he kisses her passionately; his mouth hungry for her mouth, his tongue seductively dancing with hers. He ends the kiss by claiming her lower lip with his teeth. She opens her eyes and is greeted by his blue eyes, darkened by desire.

His mouth moves against hers. "Afraid of what?"

"Afraid to hurt you. Afraid that this isn't real."

He kisses her again, fiercely, with his right hand splayed on her belly in a slightly possessive gesture. Jude responds to his kiss with the same fervour, but inside, she's still afraid.

"Jude, I'm OK," he says, out of breath. "I'm here." His mouth moves along her jaw line to find her earlobe; he nibs at it teasingly. "Touch me, please," he pants.

She lifts up her left hand and slowly starts exploring his back while he kisses her again. Both of Jude's hands reach up to grab his shoulders. Tommy's lips come find hers again and he smiles against her mouth.

"I want to see you," she whispers. He lifts his head and Jude gently pushes him off her to make him lie on his back.

Her eyes focus first on his face, on his eyes, on his mouth. She kneels next to his lying form and her left hand strokes his face. She takes the time to feel his forehead—not neglecting the small scar in the middle—, the planes of his cheekbones, his nose—making Tommy smile—, his lips and his chin. _He's so handsome_, she thinks and then decides to voice the thought out loud. She's done with secrets. Forever. "You're… gorgeous," she says.

Tommy kisses her fingers. "No, that's what I see when I look at you."

Her hand slides down his neck and she brings her other hand into play to rub his shoulders and skim over his collar bone. She feels the need to reacquaint herself with his body—his body that's both familiar and new. She is so focussed on what she's doing that she's biting her lower lip, making Tommy smile. She brings her hands to his chest, gently teasing his nipples. Tommy moans, and Jude smiles. She takes one hand further down to his abdomen and her fingers trace his scar delicately, sadness covering her features when she thinks to how close she came to losing him. Her eyes come back to his. "I still can't quite believe you're here."

"I am," he says, his voice tight.

She bends over him to kiss him fiercely, grabbing his face between her hands. Tommy's hands grip her flanks to bring her body over his. His hands caress her sides and run up to her breasts and she moans when he massages them with just the right pressure—he knows her so well. She pulls back and one of Tommy's hands finds itself on her cheek, pushing a lock of hair behind her ear. "You're so beautiful," he says in that breathless, passionate voice he uses when he's overtaken by lust.

Jude takes the cue. She moves her mouth and her hands down to his waist, unbuckling his belt and undoing his fly. She pulls down on his pants, and Tommy lifts his buttocks to help her. She feels her pulse racing when she sees the tent in his boxer. She looks up at his face and Tommy smirks. "What can I say? I've been waiting for this for over a year."

Jude smiles in return. "I'm sorry it's taken so long." She grips the waistband, and Tommy lifts his lower half again to ease the process. She pulls the jeans and boxer off his legs and lets them drop on the floor. Her eyes come back to his hard member and she takes a sharp intake of breath.

"Uh, Jude," comes his teasing voice. "I think you're overdressed." Jude smiles and hoists herself off her bed. She discards the rest of her clothes but then she stills. "You're _way_ too far, girl. Come here!"

She looks up and smiles at hearing the nickname. "I love it when you call me girl."

Tommy pulls himself up in a seated position and extends a hand. "Come here," he repeats in a warm, husky voice that thrills her to the core. The look in his eyes dissipates the last of her hesitations.

She pounces boldly, letting the lust shine through, and she enjoys catching the short moment of surprise in Tommy's eyes, followed by an expression of pure hunger. Tommy stretches his legs and Jude straddles him. When Tommy's lips make contact with her skin again, Jude's whole being turns into a molten mass of desire. "You're really here. At last," she murmurs before kissing him again and again and again. Tommy groans when she takes him in her hand to guide him towards her entrance.

He needs no further invitation.

They move as one and Jude buries her head on his shoulder, feeling the first tendrils of the rush of ecstasy she knows is coming.

Tommy holds her tightly, not quite believing that he's finally back where he's longed to be for so long; back where he belongs. His hands roam everywhere while he thrusts, letting Jude's reactions be his beacon. "Jude," he pants. "Jude, look at me. I want to see you. I need to see your eyes."

When they make eye contact again, something clogs at Tommy's throat—he wants to say so much, but his senses are overwhelmed by Jude. "I love you," he says again, feeling like he'll never say it enough. Jude kisses him feverishly and with a few more thrusts, he pushes them both over the brink. Jude cries out and buries her head on his shoulder again, and truly, he wouldn't want it any other way.

When that initial rush of desire is sated, Jude lies down on the bed and Tommy spends long minutes exploring her body, re-claiming it as his, before he brings the blankets over the both of them. Soon enough, they fall asleep, cuddled together.

* * *

When Jude comes out of her bedroom, Tommy is waiting for her in the little nook in her kitchen where someone (the landlord maybe or a previous tenant) had the good idea to install a foldable table which could seat two people comfortably when it was pulled open. He's prepared coffee and gets up to pour her a mug and bring it back to the small table with a smile as soon as he sees her.

"Morning," she says, finding herself blushing a little with the memories of the previous night flooding her brain. Of course, this wasn't her first time with Tommy, but last night, the expression _making love_ took its full meaning. She feels like every inch of her body got revered, and if she could read Tommy's mind, she would know that to be true.

"Morning, girl," he smiles back, using the nickname, knowing how much she loves hearing it. She sits down in front of him and Tommy stretches over the table to give her a kiss. "How did you sleep?" he asks.

"Better than I have in… I don't know how long."

"I know the feeling," he smiles.

"Last night was… amazing."

Tommy nods. "It was. I'd even say spectacular, but I'd be afraid to sound too full of myself."

Jude punches him mockingly and Tommy catches her hand to kiss her palm.

"So… What now?" she asks; her voice unsure.

He gives her a nervous smile and gets up. He walks around the table to come stand next to her and takes a small box out of his pocket. "I've been trying to find a way to show you that I want to be your touch base, your home, and this is the only one I could find. I'm nervous about giving this to you because, well, we've been here before—" Jude is about to interrupt, but Tommy holds up the hand that's not holding the box. "Let me finish first… Please? I actually have a speech prepared, if you can believe it," he says with a crooked smile. Jude smiles and nods. "When I've asked you this question before, you fled. I understand why, and the last thing I want to do is to tie you down. I want you to pursue all your dreams: I've always wanted that for you. So this ring is not about me asking you to commit to me, it's about me telling you that I'll always be here for you, from near or far. This ring is not even about walking down the aisle. I was married before and it certainly didn't keep me committed," he smiles wryly. "But the truth is I've never loved anyone like I love you. And I want to be committed to _you_. I want to be there for you. Always. So, I guess… This is me asking if you'll let me do that. Will you, Jude? Will you let me be your home, no matter where you are?"

Jude finds herself quite voiceless, with tears welling in her eyes. She smiles to Tommy so he knows she's not upset but truly moved by his words. She swallows a few times to chase the lump from her throat and find her voice again. "You know, that's not fair because _I_ don't have a speech prepared."

Tommy chuckles and with his free hand, he wipes one single tear that rolled down on her cheek. "You don't need a speech."

"I definitely want you to be my home—you already are—but only if you let me be yours as well. Deal?"

Tommy smiles. "How can I refuse? That's the best offer I've ever received."

Jude shakes her head. "Damn it! How do you do that? When did you become this super eloquent guy?"

"I guess it's the magic of you, girl." Jude wrinkles her nose. "Ah, see: we're back to cheesy," Tommy says with a grin before he gives her the box.

Jude opens it and the ring is perfect: simple with diamonds set in the shape of stars. "But Tommy: I _do_ want to walk down the aisle with you. Just… not now."

Tommy nods. "I understand. And it's more than fine with me. Truly. As long as I'm your home, nothing else matters. I love you."

"I love you, too. So much. And I do reserve the right to change my mind on a whim," she says with a crooked smile.

"Of course. That's a woman's prerogative." Tommy takes her hand to help her up so he can wrap his arms around her and kiss her—slowly, languidly, wanting the moment to last.

"If you keep on kissing me like that, I might change my mind sooner than you think."

Tommy smiles. "Ready when you are, girl."


End file.
